How would you feel

meritaten

Its just a thought pupsicola, but is your step-sister AWARE you arent on the guest list? she may have left that to her mum and assumed that close family were invited then gave her the grooms list and friends list and left mum in charge. is your step-mum the type to leave you off the list? just wondering as you havent mentioned her at all?

my daughter in law has loads of step-siblings, some she sees regularly and they are included in family events, and some she doesnt see at all who are not.

I do feel for you pupsicola - but in your shoes I would have been on the phone to stepsister about 5 minutes after hearing I wasnt invited to wedding! not in a confrontational way, I hasten to add, but more to find out WHY!
and yes, I would still send a nice card and my best wishes! but not being invited certainly means she shouldnt expect a gift!

Nicki

pupsicola wrote: »

We didn't grow up together but ive been related to her since my late teens. So known her 20+ years. We socialise alot. I email her and she is on facebook. Hence me posting here and not there. Will wait and see what she says. Dont want to make her feel bad, just need to know all is ok between us.

I can see why you're upset in that case.

It would be an awkward conversation I agree. Would a carefully worded email be better do you think? Then she isn't put quite so much on the spot, and can also think carefully how she words an explanation to you to avoid making the situation worse?

pupsicola

chris_n_tj wrote: »

Aw I am sorry I didnt mean to upset you.
Families can be a pain in the butt cant they. I do feel you need to get to the bottom of this though, as others have said it will eat you up.

It wont be awkward for you sweetie you havnt done anything wrong, just remember its their loss not yours. xx

You didn't upset me, your post made me cry because you showed alot of empathy. I appreciate that

downshifted

Nicki wrote: »

I can see why you're upset in that case.

It would be an awkward conversation I agree. Would a carefully worded email be better do you think? Then she isn't put quite so much on the spot, and can also think carefully how she words an explanation to you to avoid making the situation worse?

I wouldn't use email - it is so hard to get the nuances right in writing. Sometimes awkward conversations are necessary. You can say how difficult it is to talk about it, but that it's bothering you, and it is much more meaningful than an email

Jinx

You could of course call your step sis and say something along the lines of a light hearted 'wheres our invite then, not got it, need to plan our outfits etc!?' And not let on about your dad telling you...... That way she'd either suddenly have to come up with an invite which you could then choose to accept or reject or she'd have to give a reason/explanation of some sort.......

pupsicola

God I have just opened up a whole can of worms now. I took your advice and phoned my step-sister. I made myself stay very calm and just asked if we could have a chat. She could hear that I sounded upset and was very concerned. So I just said that I had asked my dad about hotels near the wedding venue and he and step-mum had told me that the boys and I weren't invited.

She took one of those deep breaths and then started getting really annoyed and ranted on about "they said what". To cut a long story short she had, had words with her mum a while back about whether my dads side of family should be at the wedding. My step mum thought it might upset her ex (step sis dad). She did walk out on him for my dad, so if that were the case I would respect it. Step sis had told her clearly that it was her wedding, her dad was fine with it and that I was coming.

She said that invites for close family hadn't gone out yet. She assumed that we would all want to be there and would have spoken to her if we couldn't make it, as we see each other/communicate regularly. So at the mo only invites to friends and less close family had gone out.

She is furious. I am completely miffed. Am glad to have spoken to her and got the real story. Now feel more than a touch peev'd by my step mum and my dads behaviour. I did think it was a bit odd when they were going on about cost and numbers and then mentioned the amount of people going. Am going to leave it to step-sis to sort this out with them. Have really had enough of bloody families for today.

Really not sure what I am going to do now. Not said anything to step sis but I dont want there to be an atmosphere on her big day. Do I offer to bow out rather than risk mother of the bride going off on one when all focus should be on my step-sis?

Sambucus_Nigra

Did your step mum and your dad think that you wouldn't ever discuss this with her?

Hopefully they will be on the phone saying it was all a misundertanding and they will apologise for upsetting you.

It wasn't their place to say anything if nothing needed to be said.

ps - you could have gone off, booked a weekend away to avoid the wedding, or harbored really deep seated feelings of resentment because of this - so if that's the real story then they have got a little explaining to do!

mountainofdebt

tbh if your SM's ex was going to be annoyed that someone was going to be there, I would have thought it would have been your dad!

gingin_2

Is there a chance that this woman might be jealous of you and you don't realise it? Maybe she feels she can't live up to you and doesn't want reminding of it on Her big day?

Edit : Sorry lost my post and had to retype so didnt see the answer you have just posted. Just make sure you hear both sides of the story.

aliasojo

pupsicola wrote: »

Step sis had told her clearly that it was her wedding, her dad was fine with it and that I was coming.

I did think it was a bit odd when they were going on about cost and numbers and then mentioned the amount of people going.

Do I offer to bow out rather than risk mother of the bride going off on one when all focus should be on my step-sis?

Sounds like people sticking their nose in where it wasn't needed. Glad you got the true picture though, at least this version is a bit 'better' than the original version iyswim.

As for bowing out...don't be daft. Step sis is more important than her Mum.