How would you feel

pupsicola

If you weren't invited to a family wedding.

My step-sister is getting married in September. It has been planned for months. I like her very much and get on well with her future hubby. Whenever we have seen each other at family get-togethers we have chatted about her plans for the big day etc etc.

I was over at my dads today and we were chatting about it as she has just chosen her wedding dress. I mentioned to my dad that I hadn't recieved my invite and didn't know which local hotel to book into. He looked really uneasy and said that actually myself and my kids weren't invited. I felt a bit shocked, saddened and embarassed. Especially as my dad and step-mum then went out of their way to say that it was all to do with cost and numbers.

I can appreciate that with the way most peoples finances are at the moment they have to make cuts and budgets are tight. There are 100 going to the service and my dad went to pains to explain that only 200 would be at the evening do.

I guess I just feel it would have been nice if she had told me herself or if someone had mentioned it to me earlier. Feel a bit of a fool as I have been saying for months how much I am looking forward to it all.

Dont know what advice I want really just wanted to get it out my system

Sammy_Girl

I kind of know how you feel. My cousin got married literally a couple of weeks before me, and my parents were invited, but I wasn't. To rub salt in, I had invited said cousin and new wife to my wedding (day and evening) and they accepted! I was a bit miffed at first, but then understood that there's was a lot smaller affair and budget was tight etc, so no hard feelings.

It's a shame that they couldn't invite you for the evening do at least. 200 people is a lot for an evening do, so I would be put out for not being invited to that. Has you step sister said anything to you, or has it just been via your dad? Have you got any other family that hasn't been invited?

Jinx

You are not a fool at all! I think I would feel the same as you, a bit mortified and embarassed.... I am very surprised you are not invited as you get on well and for the sake of family harmony if nothing else. I imagine your dad isnt too happy either...

I think Id plan something nice for that day instead. And of course you do save the expense of 3 day hen night (I presume), outfits, pressie etc. Obviously if you are not invited to the wedding then you would only need a lovely card to wish them well.

building_with_lego

Wow, I'd feel pretty bummed as well.
Even if I weren't invited to the ceremony I (as family) would assume I were invited to the evening do . Maybe that's wrong of me.

And I do think she should have mentioned and explained it to you personally, why she chose 200 people as more important than her stepsister.

I do not mean to offend and I sincerely apologise if I have.

pupsicola

Thanks for your replies girls. My step-sister has not said a word to me about this. As far as I am aware all other family has been invited. Its a horrible feeling but I didn't let that show at all today. I will wish them both well and send a lovely card. Will feel odd not to send a gift, dont know what to do about that really. This whole situation just feels a mess.

pinkclouds

Are your kids young? Maybe it's a "no kids" wedding and they knew you'd have to decline. Despite the large number of guests, is it mainly family? (And by that, I mean your step-sister's blood family, not your family.) Alternatively, is it mainly all friends with a few token family guests?

It would have been nice if someone had given you a head's up a lot earlier, I agree. I know I would feel hurt too. Is this something you could chat to your step-sister about? Weddings are very personal events and there are all kinds of problems that crop up. You may never know the true reason but it may even be something as far out as her own dad won't walk her down the aisle if her step-father's family are invited. You just never know.

Mojisola

They can afford 200 people at the evening do but not you! I would be upset by that. It shows what a long way down her list of priorities you come.

If there is some weird reason why she couldn't invite you, she should have had the courtesy to talk to you about it and explain the situation.

jcr16

my hubby cousin got married couple yrs back and we weren't invited. they get on well, but tbh i was quite glad, there all the millionaires of the family and the one getting married and his wife are very posh ( even tho rest of family isn't) i try but i just don't feel comfortable around them. They have a completely different lifestyle ( even tho were all same age) friend's with famous peeps etc. i struggle to feel good enough, even tho i am. so in that respect i really wan't bothered. also it was a no children affair and we had children. so ruled out on that account also.

i can understand why your feeling a bit pee'd tho hun. not sure what to suggest.

pupsicola

My kids are 5 and 8. There are loads of kids in the family and all are going. She is crazy about kids and not the type to block them being at the wedding. Maybe it is something to do with her dad. I doubt it though as my dad is playing a major part in the wedding and has been asked to wear top hat and tails with all the other blokes. Her dad and mine get on okay. I guess I will never know

Jinx

Purely my own opinion but if I wasnt invited to a 'do' with 200 people then I would not feel the need to buy a present. Unless of course your step sister takes you aside and has a fabulous reason/excuse for not inviting you. You could have a gorgeous hand made card made to show no hard feelings (even if there are ) and would still cost a lot less than a pressie.....

zaksmum

There was a similar problem with a friend's wedding. One of her aunts had been slagging her off for a few years to anyone who would listen. When the wedding guest list was drawn up, this aunt wasn't invited.

There was a huge protest from the aunt but my friend's response was, if you don't even like me, why on earth do you want to come to the wedding??

I'm not for one moment suggesting there's a similar reason for the OP not being invited by the way! Just that sometimes there's a fairly valid reason for the lack of an invitation.