Bit taken aback

Flyboy152

skypie123 wrote: »

Dump him. If he can't be bothered with a tiny bit of effort at this stage then its hopeless. It isn't enough for you, it wouldn't be enough for me. You deserve better and deep down you obviously feel that way or you wouldn't be bothered by this. My ex was just like this and I made excuses to myself for 2 years. I mean, really what harm would it have done him to send you a card? Its hardly dinner on the Eiffel tower but it would have meant the world to you.
Raise the bar. Its fine if you mutually aren't into valentines day but it doesn't sound to me like he makes much effort all year round either. Its not the gift/card etc its the effort behind it you wanted and its not there
xxxx

I can see him down the pub, his friends are telling him to, "dump her. If she can't be bothered with a tiny bit of effort at this stage, then its hopeless."

skypie123_2

Flyboy152 wrote: »

I can see him down the pub, his friends are telling him to, "dump her. If she can't be bothered with a tiny bit of effort at this stage, then its hopeless."

Why? It was his idea not to bother full stop! Anyway as Blue Monkey says this runs deeper than one day. The OP wants and expects to be treated a certain way in a relationship and IMHO there is no reason she shouldn't get that. Life is too short. Yes we all have to compromise in a relationship some times, thats what love is all about, but she seems to be breaking her back compromising while he does nothing. Listen to your gut instinct OP. You feel miserable about this for a reason! You deserve better.
xxxx

podperson

Totally agree with the earlier posts that say that you need to spell things out for guys - I'm sure there must be some who are capable of knowing what we want without being told, but definately in the minority
I'm one of those who don't really bother with Valentines Day and think it's just commercial tat - would much rather get flowers or chocs on a random day as then I know OH has thought of me specially rather then being guilted into it by the card companies! OH is just the same so we don't get each other anything - but he does tend to check with me that it's still ok and if I did say I wanted something he would get me something even though he thinks it's silly. I'm guessing your OH is the same way. That doesn't mean he doesn't care because he doesn't really agree with the day - lots of people don't - and he did ask you (although perhaps not in the most sensitive way!). Sounds though like you're wanting him to make a bit more effort in general, not just on Valentines so that's something you should be talking to him about.

Flyboy152

skypie123 wrote: »

Why? It was his idea not to bother full stop! Anyway as Blue Monkey says this runs deeper than one day. The OP wants and expects to be treated a certain way in a relationship and IMHO there is no reason she shouldn't get that. Life is too short. Yes we all have to compromise in a relationship some times, thats what love is all about, but she seems to be breaking her back compromising while he does nothing. Listen to your gut instinct OP. You feel miserable about this for a reason! You deserve better.
xxxx

But not from his point of view. He was asked, expectantly, if he was going to bother this year. It is entirely probable, seeing as there was no effective communication between them, that he felt was in the right. The only way to have resolved this issue, would to have talked about it; not assume and guess.

Mister_aaa

I find all this quite mad, to be honest. If he asks and you respond, thats the end of the conversation as far as men are concerned. If you wanted something you should have said. We aren't mind readers you know.

I don't do valentines, as i object to mandatory romance. It doesn't mean i'm a heartless slob, it just means that i'll do something romantic when i want to, not when it's expected by hallmark !!!!!!! cards!

charlie792

I have to say me and my OH have never really bothered for valentines, first year we got each other cards, he bought me a rose and I bought him a game and he took me out to dinner but the second year we were flying back from holiday that day - late at night as well so didnt even have cards, didn't bother me but I suppose that might be because he always buys me things throughout the year anyway, I don't need a card or presents from him on a particular day of the year to know that he loves me.....

This year we agreed we wern't going to bother with cards or presents, I suggested we went out to our favourite restuarant - valentines seems like a good excuse as any, so he booked a table and that was that.... Although I did end up getting him a card, which I wasnt going to but only did because I found one that was cute (little dwarf hamster holding a heart - looked exactly like our hammy ), I wasnt bothered that he didnt get me anything - he apparently felt bad though so when I came home later that afternoon I found he'd popped home on his lunch break and left me a cake and a little note - was quite sweet

Did have a nice meal and a fab evening together which is what I think if your 'celebrating' valentines should be about - not about buying cards and presents, theres plenty of other days of the year for that.....

To be honest the only times other than random gifts we bother for is birthdays and christmas, anniversaries etc we just do something like go for a meal, things like easter we don't bother at all....

Tropez

I'm sorry to hear OP that you didn't quite have the day that you wanted. Even if he weren't bothering with it, and that was agreed upon, a text message probably wouldn't have gone amiss. My partner and I still text each other virtually every day, even though we live together, so I can understand why you feel upset and not having received anything, although, I will concur with others that you were presented with an opportunity to do something - even if it was just to have dinner together at your place.

As for some of the man-bashing around here - some of us, believe it or not, are not simple and are quite capable of reading between the lines. Some of us can even plan and execute a surprise for their partners, and we can also fake not being interested in order to make the surprise all the more special.

sassyblue

Aah bless you bargain hunter, but let this be a lesson to you You have one of those men who aren't spontaneous and take you at your word. :cool:

Could you have a word with him tonight and say 'l know you asked if we were doing Valentines day but l was taken aback and shouldn't have said no, l was really hoping you would get me something'

If it's true you pay him to do jobs around the house l would say you've got a lazy soul there too, you'll definitely have to spell things out to him. Suggest this Fri/Sat you'll have a belated Valentines evening and see what he comes up with....

Good luck x

RadoJo

Auntie-Dolly wrote: »

You must understand men are generally very simple creatures & take what you say at face value.

vesper wrote: »

mmmmm all I can say is men are very simplistic, you really have to spell something out to them for them to understand.

Perhaps your men are, but not all are - can we avoid these constant retreats into sexism to explain away everyone's relationship problems? Men are as different as women and pretending that you can predict what any man will do under any circumstances based on their gender is simplistic, unhelpful and offensive.

If this board was full of posts saying that women weren't capable of understanding complex concepts or couldn't possibly be expected to look at a situation logically instead of emotionally, people would be up in arms yet for some reason nobody seems to mind that men are portrayed on here as simple-minded buffoons who can't understand subtlety or nuance in a relationship.

If you lie to your partner about what you expect from your relationship, the chances are you will be disappointed , whether you are a man, woman or somewhere in between.

podperson

I don't know about the others but all I meant by it was that woman (and am including myself in this as I used to do it a great deal and have lost track of the arguments that have caused by it!) often think that their partners should automatically know what we want without us having to tell them. I think I actually thought of it as some kind of romantic ideal - if he really loves me he should know what I want without me having to say anything! In reality, while my partner often will surprise me or know me better then I think, then he's not a mind-reader and I remember him often being baffled at me getting cross at him for not doing something when he had no idea that I'd wanted him to.