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Bit taken aback

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Comments

  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    Would have been lovely if he had just got me a card and im not even seeing him tonight so guess thats it! My own fault for keeping my mouth shut but I was living in hope!

    Poor man! He asked you "are we not bothering with Valentives this year?" and you said "yeah thats fine".
  • puddy
    puddy Posts: 12,709 Forumite
    i have this dilemma. my oh 'doesnt believe in valentines day' so ive heard this for the 4 years we've been together, i used to say that its a reason just to note and reaffirm what we feel but he disagreed. last year i therefore didnt bother and he got me a card because 'otherwise you'll moan i dont care' and tonight he is late home from work so i suspect he's getting card and flowers from said garage. but if he isnt i suppose its no big deal, i havent got him anything. we do always tell each other we love each other and in my heart of hearts i dont like the commercialisation of it all
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 9:03PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 9:03PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,713 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    Nobody has to go overboard for Valentines Day, but I do think it's an important part of cherishing your relationship to mark it in some way, even if it's just a simple card and enjoying a special meal at home together. Our loving relationships are all finite. Nobody knows when they could be suddenly or unexpectedly snatched away. It's important to have these little memories to treasure, and to know that you were loved.
  • silverjay
    silverjay Posts: 179 Forumite
    Mojisola wrote: »
    Poor man! He asked you "are we not bothering with Valentives this year?" and you said "yeah thats fine".

    Well yes she did BUT if she'd said "yes we are bothering with V day this year" she'd then have the problem that anything he did give/send would only be happening because she'd requested they did something. You can't win really.

    Personally I haven't done Valentine's since the year I got us a pair of Neil Diamond tickets and he looked at me all embarrassed and muttered "what's this for?".
    Freebies Received: Supersavvyme bag, Olay moisturiser, Barbara Daly/Tesco Mascara, Seeds of Change Choccie, Yorkshire Tea Kenyan teabags, Tesco mobile sim cards x 2.

    Won: Yorkshire Tea goodie box
  • BARGAINHUNTER!
    BARGAINHUNTER! Posts: 848 Forumite
    edited 23 March 2011 at 9:03PM
    post deleted
    MFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
    Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months
  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »
    Its like someone saying to you "are we not bothering with each others birthdays this year". I bet you would be taken aback - its like saying they don't want to and just wanting you to confirm it.

    but you don't have to go along with it - if you want to do Valentines, or birthdays etc, you tell him "oh but I love shopping for your birthday/Valentines pressie, so I'd like us to carry on as normal please".
    Sorry but if you say "okay" thats a yes, as in, we're not bothering anymore.
  • jackieglasgow
    jackieglasgow Posts: 9,436 Forumite
    I can understand why you are upset, but to be fair to the poor man, he thought you weren't bothered, so he never. I don't "do" Vaentine's Day, OH and I have been together a long time, and its just not that big a deal for me, I make a nice heart shaped dinner usually, and decorate the house with a couple of hearts etc for the kids to make it a bit festive but don't bother with cards. He does, I got a nice card from hima nd the boys together - well actually it said "Last year they went shopping, had a bath together and went for a romantic meal; this year was his choice, so they watched telly and farted." With a picture of a 1950's couple on the front. It mad me laugh, and I got some Tesco flowers, but I wouldn't have been bothered if he hadn't gotten anything. I did feel guilty for a few seconds that I hadn't bought him a card, but he knows I am not bothered, and he wants to make the effort, and enjoys doing it.

    I suppose what I am trying to say is that, if you want a card you need to make it clear, and there is nothing to stop you making the effort anyway, to gift him - even if he doesn't, if its that important to you - or is it the receiving that's more important to you? (not a judgement, just a question for you to ask yourself)
    mardatha wrote: »
    It's what is inside your head that matters in life - not what's outside your window :D
    Every worthwhile accomplishment, big or little, has its stages of drudgery and triumph; a beginning, a struggle and a victory. - Ghandi
  • puddy
    puddy Posts: 12,709 Forumite
    as i suspected, he's been to asda. Card, bar of 85% chocolate and single rose. However what is the most important thing for me, and which tells me that he really cares about me and listens to how i feel is that he also bought me a caesar salad. A strange valentines day gift you may feel, however, i am on a diet and its imperitive for my health that i lose a lot of weight. For years he always bought me food as gifts, which I would then gobble up. We had a big row about him not doing this as I need to do this for my health and he felt I was blaming him for being overweight and said that it interfered with his 'hunter gatherer instincts', he also prefers big girls.

    So, for him to have thought about getting me something that I can intergrate into my plan is so thoughtful. (he hasnt bought be food for many months now) The chocolate I only eat one small square a day (not really got a sweet tooth), the caesar salad is my favourite.

    so i suppose it sounds like im now contradicting myself when i say that valentines is not a big deal its really about what the exact message is. if the relationship is good and thoughtful, what difference does a card and a bog standard box of chocs make??

    (of course i now feel bad that i didnt get him anything!!!)
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