Bit taken aback

Flyboy152

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Oh well, ive only myself to blame! I kept my mouth shut and - nothing!!! Not even a happy valentines text! Ive had to sit at work and watch everyone else get flowers and talk about the cards that their o/h got them, and I had to say that I didn't even get a card! Bit miffed that he couldn't even be bothered to get me a card (I brought one and kept it here just in case - guess ill keep it for another year!

Would have been lovely if he had just got me a card and im not even seeing him tonight so guess thats it! My own fault for keeping my mouth shut but I was living in hope!

Maybe he's sitting there thinking, "I kept my mouth shut and - nothing!!! Not even a happy valentines text! Ive had to sit at work and watch everyone else get flowers and talk about the cards that their o/h got them, and I had to say that I didn't even get a card! Bit miffed that she couldn't even be bothered to get me a card."

See, communication is paramount for a successful relationship.

Flyboy152

silverjay wrote: »

Well yes she did BUT if she'd said "yes we are bothering with V day this year" she'd then have the problem that anything he did give/send would only be happening because she'd requested they did something. You can't win really.

Personally I haven't done Valentine's since the year I got us a pair of Neil Diamond tickets and he looked at me all embarrassed and muttered "what's this for?".

Poor bustard, welcome to the world of adult relationships,

Flyboy152

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Thank you - thats exactly how I would have felt!! Would have been nice if it had just been spontanious and he had gone out and chosen a card for me.

You shouldn't have asked in the first place. To be honest, when I read your OP, that is exactly the first thing that went through my head, "she didn't blooming well ask, did she?" Because it's like the first time one of you says, "I love you," the other pauses for a millisecond and responds likewise. The other will always ask, "did they say that because I said it first?"

sweetilemon

Personally I like valentines day. Years ago we used to exchange presents but nowadays we exchange cards have a nice meal and some champers! I think my OH would be quite happy not to do cards but he knows i like it so in sainsburys i said we'll chose our cards. As other people have said if its just to tell other people i think thats a littlw silly but if it means something to you let him know you would like a card.

meritaten

hun, I have to say this but - you say one thing and MEAN another! men are NOT mindreaders or even very good at body language or facial expressions! they tend to take what you say at face value (thats if they bother to listen). so NEVER EVER say things like 'oh I dont mind' or 'thats ok dear' when you mean the opposite! women would pick up on it but men dont! I have learned in my 34 years of marraige that unless I state loudly and clearly what I want - I will not be listened to! (my congratulations to those whose OHs can read between the lines, or are naturaly romantic).
we dont really do valentines day - but I did cook him one of his favourite meals tonight - steak, chips, mushrooms and peppercorn cream sauce! but then he has a lovely meal EVERY night! hmmm perhaps he would appreciate it if I cleaned the car out for him! something I wouldnt normally DREAM of doing!
couldnt help seeing in one of your posts that you have to nag him into doing little jobs around the house and you say its only when you offer to pay him he does them???????????? hun, are you seriously saying you PAY him for doing little diy jobs? Dont like the sound of that! get him to pay you for any meals cooked! somethings out of whack here!

skypie123_2

Dump him. If he can't be bothered with a tiny bit of effort at this stage then its hopeless. It isn't enough for you, it wouldn't be enough for me. You deserve better and deep down you obviously feel that way or you wouldn't be bothered by this. My ex was just like this and I made excuses to myself for 2 years. I mean, really what harm would it have done him to send you a card? Its hardly dinner on the Eiffel tower but it would have meant the world to you.
Raise the bar. Its fine if you mutually aren't into valentines day but it doesn't sound to me like he makes much effort all year round either. Its not the gift/card etc its the effort behind it you wanted and its not there
xxxx

hannoja

meritaten wrote: »

couldnt help seeing in one of your posts that you have to nag him into doing little jobs around the house and you say its only when you offer to pay him he does them???????????? hun, are you seriously saying you PAY him for doing little diy jobs? Dont like the sound of that! get him to pay you for any meals cooked! somethings out of whack here!

I was a little 'OMGcat' at this too. Obviously, we're only 'hearing' once side, but from what you've said, it sounds a bit like he can't be bothered. It's highly unlikely that things will change, and I think perhaps you've got off on the wrong foot with him by letting him get away with things. I think you have to have a long, hard look at what you want from the relationship, then decide whether you think it can be changed (by you most likely), or whether you can accept it. You don't want to look back in 7 years and feel the same do you?

skypie123 wrote: »

Dump him. If he can't be bothered with a tiny bit of effort at this stage then its hopeless. It isn't enough for you, it wouldn't be enough for me. You deserve better and deep down you obviously feel that way or you wouldn't be bothered by this. My ex was just like this and I made excuses to myself for 2 years. I mean, really what harm would it have done him to send you a card? Its hardly dinner on the Eiffel tower but it would have meant the world to you.
Raise the bar. Its fine if you mutually aren't into valentines day but it doesn't sound to me like he makes much effort all year round either. Its not the gift/card etc its the effort behind it you wanted and its not there
xxxx

Yes, you need to put your foot down. Give him a bit of his own medicine. If he doesn't like it... :whistle:

I do feel for you though. You want to feel loved, and you're clearly not feeling it. I think you'll have to let this one go (the Valentine's 'mishap' I mean), but say what you mean next time, or just say 'Are you serious?' or 'Do you really expect me to answer that?', since he should know you, and should know by now that you do like/need the romantic gestures.

Chin up gal. Stand up for what you want

vesper

mmmmm all I can say is men are very simplistic, you really have to spell something out to them for them to understand.
I do not endorse the whole Valentines day thing, which is kind of a problem as today marks the day of us being together for 8 years. We bought each other a card 7 years ago (it was cheaper than an anniversary card) and now I get it out of the cupboard every year and add a new message to it and give him it, its really nice to look through it as I write a summary of what we have done together that year.
I have just gone upstairs and joked with him about where my bunch of flowers, chocolate, champagne and pressie was. He looked at me in mock horror and handed me half a bar of chocolate he was eating and started singing Bucks Fizz songs at me declaring that we were living on a budget (saving for our own house). Plus I would kill him if he bought me a bunch of flowers and he knows it, I spent 2 years making bouquets including two valentines days. Trust me after spending a full week, 15 hours a day making bouquets of roses, you kind of lose the love for them.

I feel its the little things, that I love about him, that I get everyday than expressing it on one day.
Sorry this really doesn't help.

Blue_Monkey

Don't allow this situation to fester. Talk to him right away and say "I've got myself in a bit of a tizz over the Valentine's thing... I was really surprised when you asked if we were bothering this year, and realised I'd shot myself in the foot when I replied with no. I didn't mean that and don't know why I came out with it, but was actually a little disappointed because whilst I'm not into V-day in a big way, it would've been nice to get a card and have the day acknowledged. I stupidly thought you were going to surprise me, and then realised that I shouldn't have expected that because I'd agreed to not bothering... Anyway, I'm sorry for not communicating clearly - I'd hate for you to get me card because you feel obliged, but knowing that you're not fussed about v-day - if you did get a card specially for me, that would be kind of romantic."

Saying all this, I think the issues go deeper than just v-day. When does he ever do nice/romantic/sweet things for you?

As you can see by the other posts on here, different people have differing levels of a) what they call romantic, and b) what their OHs call romantic. You both need to remember this and find a middle ground...

exup

I don't really get my girlfriend much on valentines, we swapped cards but that was about it, and probably would have been nagged by the kids if we hadn't. However I would rather buy her flowers on a different occasion as I think it means more.
The first time I bought her a bunch of flowers was after we had been going out for a few months, and had a nice time out, got back home, had a nice evening curled up and . . . . anyway I sent her a huge bouquet of flowers the next day and she was really suprised (pleasantly though) when she got them.
The next time I sent her flowers was when she was feeling very low over some bad news. and I was a distance away and couldn't get to her that easily. It wasn't life threatening as I would have torn over there on my bike. But the flowers helped cheer her up and was again a nice unexpected suprise.

I don't know if you really would still like something on Valentines, as for myself I could take or leave it - but if you find out that you are wanting something then you may need to say so, and that you have been thinking about it. Or you may want to tell him that you are OK without the Valentines gifts but would be nice to get something special as a suprise maybe sometime in the year (although this really could work both ways and you could do something to suprise him?)

Maybe I am a little bit romantic and passionate, but don't call me romantic or I will tend to burp loudly, bang heads with my mates and then throw myself off a snowcovered mountain with my snowboard strapped to my feet ;)