Bit taken aback

Mojisola

silverjay wrote: »

Well yes she did BUT if she'd said "yes we are bothering with V day this year" she'd then have the problem that anything he did give/send would only be happening because she'd requested they did something. You can't win really.

I don't see it as a problem. If he wasn't interested in doing anything for Valentines Day but, because she said it's important to her, he bought a card and a present. Isn't that a loving kind of thing to do?

BARGAINHUNTER!

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soupdragon10

Some people just need things to be spelled out. To them most of these 'special' occasions are an excuse for a commercial ripoff. You say he does a lot for you around the house - I bet there are thousands of women who've received cards/chocolates who would be over the moon to have someone care enough to do this.

If it really concerns you then have a quiet chat about how important this kind of occasion is to you, and maybe he'll get the message.

puddy

i think the problem here is that its all about whats said on facebook and the like, what people are talking about in the office. no offence to the OP but she sounds young, young enough to be bothered still by the fact that her boyfriend has or hasnt got her the biggest stuffed bear and most expensive chocolates.

if it makes you feel better op, my partner bought me an electric steamer for my first birthday present (this was sent back to argos), an electronic footspa for the xmas (gave it to my aunt, dont like 'gadgets'), an electronic back massager (ive never used it, he uses it most evenings) for the next xmas.

the only 2 presents ive had which i liked i had to buy myself and get the money back from him. thats how some men are.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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Mojisola

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Just to put it into perspective, we agreed that we would only spend £10 on each other this Christmas as he didn't have much money, however I actually went shopping and decided that he deserved to have something nice and special and be treated, so I brought him something special. What im saying is, even though he said that about valentines day, it wouldn't have hurt to at least get me a card!!

It's no wonder some men find women such hard work! He mustn't know where he is with the mixed messages you're sending.

You agreed on £10 and then spent more. You agreed not to "do" Valentines Day and are upset that he hasn't bought a card regardless of your agreement.

Tell him how you feel - that these things are important to you and that if he cares for you, he will, in future, make sure he makes you feel good at Christmas, your birthday, your anniversay, Valentines Day, etc. If he then doesn't bother, you'll have a reason to feel upset.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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euronorris

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

No, its not the receiving thats important to me at all, its the thought and effort (an e-card would have been lovely, or a lovely romantic valentines poem). Its the fact that he obviously didn't want to bother which is why he said what he did in a way that I couldn't really disagree with him, as I knew he didn't want to. And if I had said yes I did want to bother and he had then got me a card I would have known that it wasn't from the heart it was just because I implyed that I wanted one!! Strange logic there somewhere!!!

But, isn't doing something nice for you, because he knows you'll like it, from the heart? He would be doing it because he wants to make you happy. If he didn't want to make you happy, then he wouldn't do anything AFTER he knows how happy it would make you.

I feel sorry for him, he's not a mind reader. Help the guy out a bit.

You could've answered honestly, and I still think you should be honest now and let him know that it's important to you. Otherwise, be prepared to either accept it as it is, or be disappointed and upset for years to come.

balletshoes

You really need to spell all this out to your OH you know bargainhunter.
I'm a female, and I would be stuck knowing what to do for the best with you and pressies lol!

I don't think its anything to do with initiative etc either, although you clearly do, so thats why you need to tell your OH what you want.

My OH could win a medal in the most unromantic man on the planet stakes, we don't do birthdays, never have, tokens at Christmas, and he only knows when Valentines is because he's always working (he's a chef, one of the busiest nights of the year ). But I know he loves me and respects me, and he does occasionally surprise me with a gesture or 2. I don't expect him to pull out the stops on Valentines and birthdays, why would I? Our lives together are so much more than pressies/cards on a commercial date.

What I'm saying is, unless you tell your OH how you feel about these dates which are special to you, how is he going to know?
Not everyone celebrates Valentines, I'm with your OH to be honest, Valentines should be left to the tweens in my opinion, you know secret Valentines, how many did you get?? etc etc etc