Bit taken aback

balletshoes

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

I can see what everyone is saying and agree to a certain extent, its just its valentines day and ill be spending the day with it being rammed down my throat everywhere I look and made to feel miserable as ill feel like ive been left out. Bl00dy stupid of me really considering some of the 'real' problems that people have. Guess im being selfish!!

really? blimey I must work with a right load of old misery guts' then - I can't honestly remember the last time anyone around me on Valentines had anything flowery/chocolatey/cardy to ram down my throat!

coops228

My DH and I have been together in excess of 15 years and to be honest, we subscribe to sugarspuns idea in that as Valentines falls on a Monday this year ( a work night), I will get some goodies from the 15th onwards (at a fraction of the cost before the 14th) and we will have a nice cosy night in with a home cooked meal the following weekend and whatever goodies I have found. With any luck, wine, choc and treats. All in the spirit of MSE of course!! I don't need a piece of card to tell me that he loves me......
And I don't need to justify my actions on the day to anyone other than me......

Between Valentines and fathers day and mothers day, it's all a bit much and the only ones making money are the card companies and florists!!

Each to their own I guess, but if you want to celebrate, even if it is just a nice card from him, then you need to tell him.

Flyboy152

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Hi

Not sure if I need advice or just want to get something off my chest to be honest!

I have been with my partner 2 years and 4 months and we don't live together, but spend lots of time together and stay over at each others houses etc.

Whilst watching telly the other day an advert for Moonpig came on concerning valentines cards. He turned and looked at me and said "are we not bothering with Valentives this year?" which took me totally back so i just nodded and said "yeah thats fine". I wasn't planning on anything special, I was just going to get him a card and cook him a nice meal but part of me thinks why bother now. If I get him a card and he does not get me one he is likely to feel awful, likewise if I plan on cooking a nice meal. I don't really want to force him to do anything that makes him uncomfortable. Do you think I should just forget about it altogether (although no doubt people at work and family will want to know what we did, what he got me etc) or get him a card and cook him a nice meal anyway? I must admit, it would be nice if he came up with something himself, but doubt thats going to happen. Im not into big gifts etc, but id be over the moon if he went to the trouble of doing something special like cooking a meal or making me something. He does help me out a lot (he is a builder and always fixing things in my house) so maybe im just being selfish and expecting too much?

Perhaps his is throwing off, as he is planning something of a surprise. Maybe he is giving you the impression of he doesn't care, so that you will be even more surprised when he springs something on you.

nearlyrich

We don't do the valentine thing really just a card no gifts or meals out, our local Indian put a flyer through the door advertising a meal at £75 ( I think that's per couple) which is at least £25 more than we ever spend on a meal for two...no champagne or caviar on the menu LOL

sarah*a

Britwife wrote: »

Do you really need one day out of the year to show how much you care about each other? What happens to the card after V day? Tossed in the recycling bin (I hope).

We use the same cards every year and just add a little message to it

purplerose wrote: »

If I were you I'd say to my bf "how about for Valentines we have a nice night in, we can swap cards then I'll cook us something yummy then we can cuddle on the sofa/retire to the bedroom after?". If he goes "I thought we said we wouldn't bother?" you can say "oh I thought you meant not bother with overpriced restaurants and daft gifts, just keep it nice and simple instead, what you think?".

I think this is a super way to go about it :T:T

You said he didn't get you a card last year but you got him one - I'm guessing he just doesn't 'do' Valentines but you need to let him know that it means something to you if thats how you feel.

My OH (and his family) don't do xmas cards for people living in their house as they think it's pointless - me, well I like a big big soppy 'To My Wife At Xmastime' card on the mantlepiece so have to keep reminding him of it as December approaches but he would rather I 'reminded' him than got a big ol' sulk on because he forgot .....again

ETA: We don't do the big going out for meals/flowers/choc/teddys either - can't afford it and our anniversary is at the end of feb which is much more special and personal to us

:cool:

luxor4t

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Perhaps his is throwing off, as he is planning something of a surprise. Maybe he is giving you the impression of he doesn't care, so that you will be even more surprised when he springs something on you.

I convinced myself that OH was planning a surprise for me for my 50th birthday but, unfortunately, he really did mean he couldn't be bothered. Very, very disappointing and still painful.

OP, it may be 'unromantic' but if you don't tell him he will not know & it will get worse over time.

catkins

*max* wrote: »

Year after year, it's the same answers everywhere: it's a load of commercial carp, we don't need a made-up day to know we love each other, we prove it to each other every single day, it's the little things that count....blah blah...And of course, that's right.

But I don't understand why a card and some flowers, or meal, or breakfast in bed, can't come into the equation as well as everything else? It doesn't mean you don't love each other the rest of the year, it's just another little gesture really. And everyone would be happy to receive a card, or have a meal cooked for them, wouldn't they? People always want to appear to be above materialism, but I'm pretty sure everyone gives in to commercialism in some ways. Why deny yourself a little pleasure, only for the sake of principles you don't even adhere to that closely every other day?

I so agree with this post. Ok if you and your other half "don't do" valentines day fine but why all this "it's rubbish, we don't this or that to prove our love"? If you are both perfectly happy with doing nothing why go to such lengths to poo poo the day?

I have been married 31 years this year and every year without fail me and OH have sent each other a valentines card. Some years we have gone away for a night or a couple of nights, some years we have eaten out, some years we have cooked a meal at home, some years we have bought each other a present (sometimes a small silly thing or sometimes a larger more expensive thing) - it has depended each year on our financial circumstances and what we decide we want to do. This year we are going to the Titanic exhibition at the O2 and then for a meal. We celebrate the day because we want to, because we are both romantics not because we feel we are being told to.

No that is not the only day of the year we show the other we love them. We give each other silly love notes, we do little things for the other than show love (he always brings me a cup of tea in bed first thing in the morning cos I am not a morning person!), we often buy each other a gift, maybe a bar of chocolate, maybe flowers, a cd, a dvd etc etc.

I personally think it is romantic to do something for valentines as we do for each other's birthday, our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of the day we met. Perhaps it is just us being a bit soppy! My parents still send each other valentines cards and they have been married for 59 years.

Oh and it does not have to be expensive on valentines. Lots of restaurants do not put their prices up, some even have special deals on that day. Ok maybe don't buy flowers which do go up just for that day but cards do not go up or you can make one and other gifts do not go up in price for that day.

jodie716

I do not at all think you are been selfish, nor expectiv=ng too much, its not as if your asking him to buy a ferrari, but a red rose and a card would be nice... and thats not too much to ask. To be fair if my partner had said this to me I would be rather gutted myself.

I'd like to think maybe hes telling you this to suprise you (as men can do that sometimes lol) but the thing is, valentines day is about love, which should be there all year round (obviously) but this day means something to everyone in different ways.

Even though he is always fixing things in your house, and helping you out etc, that doesn't give him fair trial for skipping the day all together, that would be like saying oh well seen as though you put that shelf up, lets not bother with christmas this year....

In regards to your question, yes I think you should go on with your own plans as you was going too, but I also think you should be honest with him, because just agreeing makes things all the more difficult. When he asked you if you were not bothering this year, what you should have said is ah well i'd like to really.

I don't think your a selfish person at all, just a person, like all of us, who could do with a treat from time to time.

I hope this helps and I hope that things go well for you on valentines day xxx

lostinrates

catkins wrote: »

I personally think it is romantic to do something for valentines as we do for each other's birthday, our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of the day we met. Perhaps it is just us being a bit soppy! My parents still send each other valentines cards and they have been married for 59 years.

DH and I won't be together this year. we always mark it (and we've talked about the idea of keeping a card, and think we'll start that this year) but we don't buy the shop tat. Marking it, for us, is simple, a card, a favourite meal or just something little.

Thing is, we are quite romantic most days. We bath share, or run baths for each other, we spend all his free time together. We are also relatively low key about birthdays, Christmas etc etc.

I think its what works for each couple...but the key to that is that ignoring it if it means something to the other is not working, nor is making a big deal on the big dates but not getting along between grand gesture dates.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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