Bit taken aback

BARGAINHUNTER!

post deleted

zippychick

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

He probably sees it as a big waste of money to be honest. Id be blown away with a hand made card to be honest. He made a comment about Christmas cards saying "shall we bother" and I said " well, ive already brought yours" and then on Christmas Day I got a lovely wind up musical christmas card in a box from him, which I think he brought as he knew I had got him one. I think ill get him a valentines card 'just in case' and not give it to him if he does not give me one, as I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Last year I got him one and he didn't give me one!!

Haven't you answered your own question? What does it matter if you h ave a balanced loving relationship?

My boyf doesn't "do" christmas - so we didn't. No cards, no presents - that's fine with me. Instead we are booking to go away for the weekend . I don't need presents or cards from him - he would only be sending them because I asked him to, which for me makes it a completely empty and expected gesture . And a total waste of time/money and sentiment! Last week be bought m e a garfield dvd for no reason - that means much much more

If you're upset then you need to talk to him - otherwise you will bottle it up and be very annoyed when he doesn't get you anything (which i would expect from the conversation you have explained).

i wouldn't blame him for that either as you have both "agreed" so he is going along with that!:)

Sublime_2

I never subscribed to the commercialism that is St Valentines day. I've had my fair share of flowers etc at other times, so never missed it.

Britwife

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

I can see what everyone is saying and agree to a certain extent, its just its valentines day and ill be spending the day with it being rammed down my throat everywhere I look and made to feel miserable as ill feel like ive been left out. Bl00dy stupid of me really considering some of the 'real' problems that people have. Guess im being selfish!!

You're too wrapped up in what others think. You need to get past that because you're going to end up being upset with your partner for no reason. If someone says something to you tell them that you don't care about V day. Then everyone will know for the following V days to come that you don't celebrate V day and they wont ask you anymore. Or you can just have a very romantic evening meal at home and wisper sweet nothings in each others ears all evening. Doesn't get any more romantic than that and it won't cost a dime other than your food which you would normally need to eat anyway.

Just don't let others make you feel bad if you don't do V day, it's no biggie

purplerose

You know, I think if you like it and it'll make you feel down if you don't get or do anything then I'd say about doing something. My boyfriend doesn't believe in cards or in giving big gifts...infact he'd probably never get me anything if it wasn't for birthday/xmas/valentines. However, I like stuff like that, I think giving a card to someone who appreciates receiving a card shows you thought about them. Yes it's commercialised and potentially a waste of money but so what? If it's nice and you like it then do it.

If I were you I'd say to my bf "how about for Valentines we have a nice night in, we can swap cards then I'll cook us something yummy then we can cuddle on the sofa/retire to the bedroom after?". If he goes "I thought we said we wouldn't bother?" you can say "oh I thought you meant not bother with overpriced restaurants and daft gifts, just keep it nice and simple instead, what you think?".

*max*

Year after year, it's the same answers everywhere: it's a load of commercial carp, we don't need a made-up day to know we love each other, we prove it to each other every single day, it's the little things that count....blah blah...And of course, that's right.

But I don't understand why a card and some flowers, or meal, or breakfast in bed, can't come into the equation as well as everything else? It doesn't mean you don't love each other the rest of the year, it's just another little gesture really. And everyone would be happy to receive a card, or have a meal cooked for them, wouldn't they? People always want to appear to be above materialism, but I'm pretty sure everyone gives in to commercialism in some ways. Why deny yourself a little pleasure, only for the sake of principles you don't even adhere to that closely every other day?

lostinrates

In your shoes I'd forget the Valentines day, but I would probably say to him''I've been thinking about Valentines day, and you're right not to be caught in the hype, but ot would be nice to have a reason to get dolled up for you and for you ...shall we have ''Us'' day on Friday instead?''

Its not important, the commercial date, but it is important you feel cherished and secure.

Mojisola

As I said, we don't do anything special but, if it will make you feel rotten if the day passes without notice, talk to him and tell him that you would enjoy a romantic meal together and would really appreciate a card from him.

In the same way as you don't have to conform to the "norm" for the day, you don't have to conform to those of us who do nothing! Do what makes you feel good.

mountainofdebt

max - I can understand what you're saying to a certain extent but it doesn't mean that not to express your love for someone on V day means you're a tight wad.

It's often made me chuckle to myself that the people who brag about what their partners got them for V day or Christmas are usually the ones who moan the loudest about them.

ailuro2

Is it that it's not about Valentine's Day being scaled down, but you feel that the effort put into the relationship is less than it was....

if you're not engaged or living together after 2 1/2 years, why not? Are you looking for the next step and he's not?

Just a thought, maybe I'm reading too much into it... sounds like he's treating you like a comfy pair of slippers... there when he needs them but doesn't have to think about it too much.;)