Bit taken aback

Dave101t

i always ask my wife not to bother with anything. she always wants flowers tho and a card, so i oblige. it keeps the peace when i want something as she then 'owes' me a nagless evening.

suited-aces

Showing someone you love them from feb 15th to feb 13th, and showing them on valentines day are not mutually exclusive. Even if you genuinely don't like the commercialism, don't buy anything valentines specific: cook them a meal, run them a bath, breakfast in bed, settle down to watch their favourite DVD, have an early night.

"I don't want to encourage the cheap commercialism" is often just a cover for laziness.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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*max*

mountainofdebt wrote: »

max - I can understand what you're saying to a certain extent but it doesn't mean that not to express your love for someone on V day means you're a tight wad.

It's often made me chuckle to myself that the people who brag about what their partners got them for V day or Christmas are usually the ones who moan the loudest about them.

Of course it doesn't mean they're tight, as long as both partners are *genuinely* not bothered, and not simply pretending to not mind because they want to avoid disappointment.
If you know your partner would enjoy a little gesture on valentine's day, I think it's quite thoughtless and a bit mean to deny them! Why not make them that little bit happier, if the only cost to you would be the price of a bouquet or the small effort of making them dinner?

Even if you dont believe in it yourself, doing it for the one you love because they do shows you care about their feelings and want to make them happy.

jcr16

we've been together 10 yrs this yr, we don't generally buy cards or pressies, but always have a nice candle lite meal together, weather it home made or a takeaway. but then we regually have candle lite meals for the tow of us anyway. we try to always make sure that even with 3 little ones we still have specail time just for us.

belfastgirl23

I think what other people do or don't do doesn't matter here, every couple has their own ways of managing these kinds of things.

I would just say that what matters is what YOU think. And you would like some acknowledgement of it, not necessarily anything expensive but something to show he cares. I actually think it's really dangerous to pretend it doesn't matter when it clearly does. You're setting up a pattern in your (still relatively new) relationship that what you think doesn't matter. Yes it's hard to say what you would like but my experience - which is borne out by other posters here - is that men do take things at face value. So why not just tell him that he caught you a bit on the hop but actually you've only been going out together a few years and you think you should celebrate valentines day. Even if in the end he doesn't want to at least you've talked about it.

These kind of unacknowledged and unresolved tensions are what causes the little splits in relationships that can turn into cracks if you aren't careful!

Get the nerve from somewhere to talk to him...

meritaten

the original point of valentines day was to send a card to someone you fancied - anon. so why its now such a big deal between couples is a mystery to me! but, if for one night a year you want to go all out with the big romantic thing - apart from your anniversary, your birthday, his birthday, christmas, new year, jeez - its getting so that there is hardly a month where cardmakers, florists and restaurants havent go a special day where they can jack the prices up! then pick valentines as your special night and pay a fiver for a single rose and £50 for a romantic meal out!

balletshoes

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Whilst watching telly the other day an advert for Moonpig came on concerning valentines cards. He turned and looked at me and said "are we not bothering with Valentives this year?" which took me totally back so i just nodded and said "yeah thats fine"

honestly? you've told him in that couple of words that you're fine with not bothering with Valentines at all this year, so I wouldn't expect he'll get you a card/pressie, anything. If you do want to mark the day, you need to tell him.

I've never celebrated Valentines with my OH (although he does bring me home all the roses from the restaurant that haven't been used that evening :rotfl:), if people at work or friends ask what we did, I just say we don't do anything special.

balletshoes

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

I don't know why I said it was fine - I guess I was a bit taken aback and didn't know what to say! I don't feel comfortable talking to him about it now as i don't want him to give me a card just because I asked him too. Id rather he had used his own initiative! Well, I guess ive blown it now and set the precedent for future valentines days Only myself to blame!

its not too late, just tell him you've had time to think, and you'd like to have a special time together on Valentines after all. That way you're not specifically telling him what to get you, but you're letting him know you do want to bother.

Sucker_for_sweeties

jcr16 wrote: »

we've been together 10 yrs this yr, we don't generally buy cards or pressies, but always have a nice candle lite meal together, weather it home made or a takeaway. but then we regually have candle lite meals for the tow of us anyway. we try to always make sure that even with 3 little ones we still have specail time just for us.

Chez moi as well........... we always acknowledge it, but it always depends on the fettle. Cards seem less important than a wee note/kiss/hug/choccie bar/long bath and both less important than a bit of peace together.