Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

JoannaS_3

This is a difficult situation as there is no real way of bringing it up with your friend without there being an element of confrontation involved.

I am a giver, I love giving presents and enjoy watching people open them, knowing my thought and effort paid off. I agree that you shouldn't expect anything in return but thank you isn't much to ask.

I know we live in an electronic world but the shops still sell thank you cards! I have lots of different types, nice ones that cost very little (often 29p from card factory) and there are also e-cards oh and telephones! There is no excuse for bad manners and if your friend can't even say thank you on your goddaughter's behalf then I wouldn't bother anymore!

I feel similarly to you as although I love giving, you have to get to a point where you have to assess whether the people you spend your time/money/effort on are worth it and whether they put the same in for you. It sounds selfish but it isn't, spend your money on those who really appreciate it, those who don't will work it out in the end.

Good luck x

Gingerjar

I feel sorry for the poster. We buy 10 presents every Christmas for our neices and nephews every year and only receive a thank-you from one of them. I find it really rude and it makes me quite cross when I think about it so I try not to! I'd like to stop buying for the non-thankers but am told it would cause family conflict if we did.

I've always made my DD write letters to say thanks and sometimes it seemed a bit cheerless insisting but she's now 14 and writes them off her own bat. I'm not an earth mother, go to work, busy life etc but I'm glad I stuck to my guns on this one.

JoannaS_3

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

Rubbish. It's my job to teach my son to be a polite member of society. It's leaving it to everyone else which causes many of the issues we have today!

And why should the OP have to lie? I would never lie, I would stop the gifts... and if they ask I would tell the truth!

None of this beating around the bush!

Exactly, it's this attitude our society have got today of "oh it's not my responsibility" that's got this country in the state it's in! I'm young (24) but my parents instilled manners in me from as far back as my memory goes, if anything I'm too polite sometimes! There is no excuse for not saying thank you, except that the girls parents haven't taught her how important it is to have good manners! Children get their secondary education from teachers, peers etc, their primary learning should be at home and manners should be top of the curriculum!

JoannaS_3

Losinmoney wrote: »

All this is a bit twee. All these lovely children doing lovely notes and drawings, with their lovely Waltons family mums wiping their floury hands on their pinnies, baking an apple pie and beaming.

Giving her thank you cards now just looks snide, after all this time of no thanking. It's such a dull present to receive, and you will just be seething waiting for her to use them.

Giving her cheap bin end presents? They will NOTICE, you know. You will feel mean, treating her worse than the other children you buy for. The parents will think you have fallen on hard times.

And don't underestimate you own image. For the past 10 years, you have been looking like an ideal godparent, with a great life, unfussy, busy, generous, a giver of glamorous presents, and kind. No sitting at the kitchen table for you, getting a whining child to colour in a thank you note, getting the right address, posting it....!

Nonsense!! This is about manners not the present/money/image, who cares how she looks to outsiders as long as she feels comfortable with her decision! Waltons? Yeh ok, it's just about being polite?! When did that become difficult?!

[Deleted User]

I think the solution is to only give presents if you want to actually give a present, not because you want thanks for it. I know it is rude but are you saying that the girl is only 10? I didn't say thanks personally for my presents until I was probably 15 or 16! My mum always did it and then passed the phone to me to say thanks, and my Mum only did it because she had given presents to the other persons kids, and I'm sure they did it for the same reason too. Buy something smaller and less expensive or stop buying if you want.

JoannaS_3

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

What rubbish!

I design our thank you notes on the computer (picture and the words thank you) my son writes a quick note on it 'Thank you Grandma for my books, I read it in 2 days flat. lots of love, Your grandson' and I post it!!

Let me see it took him half an hour to write 17 thank you notes... no whining, no pictures or colouring... Just a kind word or two!

Today, my son's friend has a birthday, he designed and draw a card and took it to school for the whole class to sign... OMG! No whining... no prompting...!

I work Full Time and my son has a ton of Homework... yet we manage to say thank you to those who spent time, money and effort on gifts! Anyone who doesn't should be ashamed!

Ps. and since when is sending 'expensive' gifts make you an ideal godparent!

You seem to be on my wavelength, I just quoted the same person and called it rubbish! lol Like you say, if you want to you make time to thank others you will and your son will grow up to be a lovely, thoughtful and kind man....can't see nowt wrong with that?!

Dunpony

I send money to neices and nephews for birthdays and it worries me if I don't get a thankyou (of whatever kind) as I'm not sure if they received it. In fact when we moved house we had a regular £10 gift from a stranger every Christmas - unfortunatly it didn't have a return address - who thought it was for the previous occupants rather than us!

onesixfive

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

Rubbish. It's my job to teach my son to be a polite member of society. It's leaving it to everyone else which causes many of the issues we have today!
And why should the OP have to lie? I would never lie, I would stop the gifts... and if they ask I would tell the truth!
None of this beating around the bush!

I'm not saying leave it to somebody else to sort out the child! but...
The original dilema read:
"with never a thank you from her or her parents".
My point was: Her parents are obviously not a good example to her where this is concerned.
"My other friends send thank-yous on their childrens' behalf, and when the children are old enough...."
This child is now old enough, but despite this, & despite influence of peers & teachings, it has had little impact.
"Should I risk upsetting my friend by telling her I'm offended..."
She obviously finds it difficult addressing the true reason with her friend, so a little white lie may help retain their friendship, help her own finances, and avoid the need for "thank you's" if the presents phase out.
"Should I stop buying her daughter presents even though it's not her fault?"
She acknowledges its not the childs fault - although she's now old enough to know better - but has done nothing to improve herself - so maybe a harsh lesson has to be taught by somebody, and as godparent maybe thats got to be her.

JulieGeorgiana

JoannaS wrote: »

You seem to be on my wavelength, I just quoted the same person and called it rubbish! lol Like you say, if you want to you make time to thank others you will and your son will grow up to be a lovely, thoughtful and kind man....can't see nowt wrong with that?!

Thank You, it's very kind of you to say so.

I agree it takes no time at all to teach a child manners. Waltons is not something my family aspire too... No one can be that perfect! :cool:

JoannaS_3

antonia1 wrote: »

When I buy a child a gift, I would prefer them to spend time playing with it rather than writing me thank-you notes. Children now have homework from a young age and I'd really hate to be another chore for them. Saying 'thank-you' as you hand the gift over is another thing though. My nephew (also my godson) is 3 and when I give him gifts he usually says thank-you, and when he doesn't I ask him to say it myself.

Children saying thank you 'another chore'?! Oh please, what is the world coming to!!! I'm glad I won't be alive when these rude, mannerless children are running our country, shops, restaurants as if saying thank you is a chore, customer service won't even exist!!