Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

beverleyhills

Is this the only part of your role as Godparent?

elvis86

I think, if it were practical and I could afford it, rather than buy a gift I would try and take the goddaughter out for a birthday treat. Dinner or a trip to the cinema etc. This way you would get greater satisfaction from seeing her enjoy herself rather than not knowing whether she even received a gift you sent, never mind liked and enjoyed it. Her parents would no doubt appreciate the break, and unless she's been raised to be incredibly rude the little girl would no doubt take the opportunity to say thank you on the day. And you would get to spend some quality time with her, which as others have said, is surely an important part of being a godparent?

JulieGeorgiana

Losinmoney wrote: »

And don't underestimate you own image. For the past 10 years, you have been looking like an ideal godparent, with a great life, unfussy, busy, generous, a giver of glamorous presents, and kind. No sitting at the kitchen table for you, getting a whining child to colour in a thank you note, getting the right address, posting it....!

What rubbish!

I design our thank you notes on the computer (picture and the words thank you) my son writes a quick note on it 'Thank you Grandma for my books, I read it in 2 days flat. lots of love, Your grandson' and I post it!!

Let me see it took him half an hour to write 17 thank you notes... no whining, no pictures or colouring... Just a kind word or two!

Today, my son's friend has a birthday, he designed and draw a card and took it to school for the whole class to sign... OMG! No whining... no prompting...!

I work Full Time and my son has a ton of Homework... yet we manage to say thank you to those who spent time, money and effort on gifts! Anyone who doesn't should be ashamed!

Ps. and since when is sending 'expensive' gifts make you an ideal godparent!

Savvybunny2009

I can see there have been many mixed responses to this problem.

Firstly I agree you should be thanked, it is of course good manners, but I cannot understand why they didn't say thank you when you gave them the gift? I always thank the person who sent the gift in person, that way they can see my/our appreciation. I would think that you mean you sent the gift via post in which case a phone call wouldn't be too much to ask.

I understand that many people who you buy gifts for send thank you cards or notes, as a busy mum myself I often don't have time to make thank you cards from bits lying around the house (no printer), or the spare money to buy or order them so if this is the way you specifically want them to thank it may be a little unreasonable.

I wouldn't stop buying a gift for someone on the basis that I didn't get a thank you. I am assuming that you sent the gift as above, so maybe if you aren't seeing your god daughter much she may feel it hard to approach you/call you if she doesn't have a very close bond. I could be completely wrong, but I am trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and trying to understand it from a 10 year olds point of view.

I think if you are buying a gift for her you obviously do care for her, but deciding to not send gifts is not the correct way to deal with a lack of thank yous, a better solution would be to spend more time with your god daughter to give her the opportunity to say thank you. Sometimes it's the things we do that make the difference, not the things we buy.

Losinmoney

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

What rubbish!

I design our thank you notes on the computer (picture and the words thank you) my son writes a quick note on it 'Thank you Grandma for my books, I read it in 2 days flat. lots of love, Your grandson' and I post it!!

Let me see it took him half an hour to write 17 thank you notes... no whining, no pictures or colouring... Just a kind word or two!

Today, my son's friend has a birthday, he designed and draw a card and took it to school for the whole class to sign... OMG! No whining... no prompting...!

I work Full Time and my son has a ton of Homework... yet we manage to say thank you to those who spent time, money and effort on gifts! Anyone who doesn't should be ashamed!

Ps. and since when is sending 'expensive' gifts make you an ideal godparent!

Well done you!

A.Jones

Do you take any real role as a godparent - do you take any interest in the way they are brought up (spiritual or otherwise), in their personal development, etc. Or is being a godparent just a name, the parents needed someone, and you were a friend at the time (and maybe still are), and they chose you?

If you don't play much of a role in the child's life, then I wouldn't bother sending presents any more. I wouldn't say anything, just stop sending them.

WantSome

Good manners make people happy. Bad manners are disrespectful. I have a problem with some of the posts saying that parents are 'busy' - too busy to teach their kids to say 'thanks' when receiving a gift.

Shouldn't manners be a priority? Not just 'when I have time'? It's been proven that good manners makes for more successfuly living in adult life. It does not, in fact, take much time at all to ask little Jonny or Susan to send a text to say thanks for a gift. And if parents can't take the time to teach their kids to say 'thanks' for a present, or to say 'excuse me' when sneezing or bumping into someone, then perhaps we are in for some trouble. Where else are the kids going to learn manners?

In answer to the question, I'd say, talk to your friend. The fact that you are Godmother to her child says she loves and respects you. Aren't you guys close? If you nicely explain that your feelings are hurt when you don't receive an acknowlegment - it makes you feel taken advantage of or taken for granted - then I'm sure your friend will understand and fix the problem.

If you aren't that close, and neither of you cares one way or the other, just stop sending gifts. A card or phone call to say 'happy birthday' should suffice.

dirtmother

This is a bit of a 'don't start from here' situation. 10 years of birthday and Christmas presents that you mind not getting acknowledged is a lot! 10 years of spending a sum of money that you've decided on but can't consistently afford is again, a lot.

What would you like to happen from now on? I think you have to try to put your past disappointment behind you and if you can't then it is time to stop sending presents. Clearly it is not sensible to spend money you can't afford however effusive the thanks so that is definitely something to change. Is it the lack of a relationship with your Goddaughter represented by the non-communication that grieves you or is it resentment that someone is not behaving 'properly' or that you don't know whether the gifts have been received or are the right sort of thing? One thing you could do is take the initiative and contact them to ask something about the gift - did it get there, did she like it only you weren't sure whether she would like X type of thing etc etc. You could also improve the general level of communication and write to your godaughter, send her a postcard etc from time to time. I think it can be very hard for children to write to or speak to a faceless person with whom they have no relationship - my children are slightly bemused by getting gifts from people *they* don't really know, not ungrateful. Don't get me wrong, gifts are a great way to facilitate a relationship with a child! I still think very fondly of a great aunt and uncle who I may only have met once or twice but who sent money every Christmas - and yes, I did send a thank you but that's partly because I get pleasure from writing to people, it's very easy for me, I'm not dyslexic or dyspraxic, I don't struggle to think what to say etc

redglass_2

I don't agree with those people who insist that gifts should be given without any expectation of thanks, and that if you're doing it for thanks, you shouldn't bother. It's not all spontaneity. Sometimes we give gifts because we think it's right. Rituals like birthday gifts are part of our social fabric, they bind people together, and thanks are the same. (Obviously I'm not saying you would send gifts to people you hated.) And sometimes we give out of pure affection, but we still might want to know that our gift was appreciated.

danables wrote: »

As a busy parent I am more sympathetic to the daughters parents! as this would be yet another battle to have with your child! I certainly dont expect to receive a thankyou card every time i give a gift - my daughter attends many partys (shes 4, on average 2 every month now shes started school) when the parents have hosted a large party this would mean so many thankyou cards, its just another thing to add to the list of things to do....A bit mean stopping sending gifts just because you dont get a thankyou, begs the question why do you bother in the first place?

The other parents can put on 2 parties a month and you can get your child there, but you can't manage a thank-you? Puhleez. If your child is too young to do it herself surely you can phone or text. If the child is older and it's a huge battle to get a thank-you out of her, she is up for a learning curve at some point. 'Why do you bother in the first place?' - well, you bother because it is supposed to make for good feelings all round. Thanklessness doesn't. It's not for nothing that 'thankless' is another word for 'unrewarding'. Personally I think it's 'mean' to expect presents without having even to say thanks for them!

BrooksideTim

Yes, it's not the child's fault that they have been brought up with no manners. Parents do their children no favours neglecting to teach them the value of manners in this situation (you're not doing your job properly). With Christmas costs spiralling, I did some judicious pruning of my present lists a few years ago and I'll leave it to you to work out where the cuts were made.

I was brought up to spend Boxing Day writing short notes to people who had sent presents, who we hadn't seen to thank in person. All us kids saved up pocket money so that we could exchange gifts with adult relatives. That practise seems to have died out completely, yet kids have never had so much pocket money to spend.