Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

danables

DoogieH wrote: »

I can't empathise with this situation at all. If you want to give someone a gift, do so freely without expectation of anything in return. In my book anything else isn't really a gift.

Oh, and if you can't afford to give a gift, then don't!

Gifts given out of duty, or grudgingly, or in expectation of reciprocation, would be better not given at all in my opinion.

I agree with this comment. As a busy parent I am more sympathetic to the daughters parents! as this would be yet another battle to have with your child! I certainly dont expect to receive a thankyou card every time i give a gift - my daughter attends many partys (shes 4, on average 2 every month now shes started school) when the parents have hosted a large party this would mean so many thankyou cards, its just another thing to add to the list of things to do. If the gift is sent in the post you could always phone to check its received and get a thankyou that way.

A bit mean stopping sending gifts just because you dont get a thankyou, begs the question why do you bother in the first place?

hellywobs

If someone gives you something, you say thank you. It's simple courtesy and the battle has to be had, otherwise you will have a spoilt kid who shows no appreciation for anything. And yes, we send thank you notes to all the friends who give presents from school. I don't object to e-mails and Facebook thank-yous, but a thank you card is a nice gesture. And why on earth should you have to phone up to ask - surely a 10 year old can pick up the phone themselves?

When I was growing up I always had to write thank you letters and I couldn't just say "thank you" either, I had to write an essay about what I did for my birthday or Christmas! At least my 8 year old son uses thank you cards where you can only write a tiny amount!

Whether you carry on giving presents is up to you - I would feel like stopping in your shoes. Maybe you could put a note in with the present to say "could you please let me know you received this with all the postal problems we've had recently".

JulieGeorgiana

danables wrote: »

I agree with this comment. As a busy parent I am more sympathetic to the daughters parents! as this would be yet another battle to have with your child! I certainly dont expect to receive a thankyou card every time i give a gift - my daughter attends many partys (shes 4, on average 2 every month now shes started school) when the parents have hosted a large party this would mean so many thankyou cards, its just another thing to add to the list of things to do. If the gift is sent in the post you could always phone to check its received and get a thankyou that way.

A bit mean stopping sending gifts just because you dont get a thankyou, begs the question why do you bother in the first place?

Yes but I am sure that the recipient says thank you to your daughter when she gives the gift in the first place.

And why should the sender call for a thank you??? Surely if you like something you've been given you thank them? It's called manners.

I don't think the OP is after a thank you 'card', but just a 'thank you'. It's about manners, and that the little girl is in no way acknolodging that the OP put time, money and effort into the gift.

How rude can you get not to just say 'thank you'

This is why children think they can have everything and everything... nothing is appreciated anymore!

Children should be brought up not to 'expect' everything to be handed to them on a plate. The gift is not a right, but a gift.

And a gift should be appreciated.

danables

but whats wrong with saying thankyou in person?? why send a card aswell?, nice gesture yes but I really dont think its necessary. I disagree with the whole "otherwise they are spoilt" debate- kids dont learn appreciation by being made to write thankyous, they dont really understand appreciation till they move out and start working themselves!

JulieGeorgiana

hellywobs wrote: »

When I was growing up I always had to write thank you letters and I couldn't just say "thank you" either, I had to write an essay about what I did for my birthday or Christmas! At least my 8 year old son uses thank you cards where you can only write a tiny amount!

Exactly!

My son is the same age, and he has to say why he liked it, or what he spent money on... I don;t tell him what to write and he writes the most lovely things.

Just the way it should be!

danables wrote: »

but whats wrong with saying thankyou in person?? why send a card aswell?, nice gesture yes but I really dont think its necessary. I disagree with the whole "otherwise they are spoilt" debate- kids dont learn appreciation by being made to write thankyous, they dont really understand appreciation till they move out and start working themselves!

It's not about a card, it's just about saying thank you. The OP doesn't even know if the gift is being recieved!!!

danables

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

Exactly!

My son is the same age, and he has to say why he liked it, or what he spent money on... I don;t tell him what to write and he writes the most lovely things.

Just the way it should be!



It's not about a card, it's just about saying thank you. The OP doesn't even know if the gift is being recieved!!!

i see, yes i agree saying thankyou in whatever way is just polite, on the other hand my sister and I both have two kids and exchange gifts tend to be cheques so I know they have been received when cashed- neither of us say thankyou but neither of us expect one and we're ok with that.

jomknight

I had a similar situation; once the god-daughter was "unsupervised" I had to ask if she had even received the presents (money) sent and was always given lame excuses (she's busy writing an essay etc). I did not expect anything in return just an acknowledgement. I stopped sending until she was about 30! - now i do get a thank you. I should stop sending in this case and if they query why just say you neve know whether the presents have been received

afrance

Without wishing to prosthletise (spelling it is hard enough) I think that one thing to consider is what the role of a Godparent is. When my wife and I were first asked to become Godparents of a baby the vicar who was to perform the Christening service explained that the traditional role of a Godparent was to share in the bringing up of the children, but particularly to ensure that the child was brought up in the Christian faith. This will, of course, vary a little between beliefs and those of no belief (although why, in that case, have Godparents?)

Certainly if you are a Godparent having taken part as such in a Christening service within the Church of England you will have said this as part of the service.

To an extent then, irrespective of anything else I think that a Godparent has been given a right to pass comment and advice in such a position that you find yourself. Your friend may have originally thought of you as a Godparent because you are a "good person" and hoping that some of that might rub off on your Godchildren. Maybe, just maybe, the best gift that you can give to that child is some understanding of loving thy neighbour, which in my view would certainly include at least saying thankyou, whatever form that takes (even Facebook - if you can be sure to read it!). Though remember that a child has to be 13 in order to sign up for a Facebook account (and if they are not, they have lied about their date of birth - something that a Godparent probably should not be encouraging).

Alastair

littlemissfrugal

I think if someone has taken the time and effort to chose, purchase and send a gift the very least the recipient could do is say thank you - wether it be by text, phone, email or written note.

My 10 year old makes a note of what she gets for Christmas and Birthday and then spends a little time a few days later acknowledging the gifts, she will usually text her older sister, send an email to those abroad, and write a note to older aunties and grandparents etc - its plain simple good manners. Both my girls have known that this is the way it should be done and there is no question of forcing them to do it.

Nicki24

DoogieH wrote: »

I can't empathise with this situation at all. If you want to give someone a gift, do so freely without expectation of anything in return. In my book anything else isn't really a gift.

Oh, and if you can't afford to give a gift, then don't!

Gifts given out of duty, or grudgingly, or in expectation of reciprocation, would be better not given at all in my opinion.

I couldnt agree more, if you give someone a gift you shouldnt expect a note or a call in return, its nice if it happens but parents have more than enough to do without having to worry about writing to everyone that sent a birthday/christmas present to their child, im sure the presents are very much appreciated and I cant imagine for a second that a 10 year old isnt happy to receive them. Try not to take offence, I dont imagine there is any malice intended.

The only thing I would object to would be if I were to directly hand a gift to someone and for them not to say "thank you". Manners cost nothing.