Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

WhyIsSavingSoHard

This is such a tough one, but I've had the same happen with gifts I've given to children. I always have a thank you sent by my Goddaughter's mum, but used to buy for four other youngsters in my family too without a thank you even when I handed the presents over. And money's really tight here too. In the end, I explained that I can't afford to buy for everyone so am only buying for immediate family now and they understood without me having to say about the thank you's.

If you still want to get your Goddaughter something, why not tell her Mum that you can't afford to spend as much now and get a token gift (sales are always great for saving pennies while buying something that was a substantial price). I would buy a pretty writing set and pen as part of the present which might encourage her to write her own thank you's out. You can get some lovely ones in pretty storage boxes so she'll have the box to keep afterwards. I always got notelets for Christmas when I was a child and Boxing Day was our day for writing them out.

purplerose

To be honest I think a lot of people consider cards to be old fashioned and it doesn't cross their mind to buy one. I've never written one nor received one in my life. The god daughter would probably thank you for the gift if you were there to give it in person . I buy my best friends wee boy clothes and toys and have never really gotten much of a thank you, more a show of appreciation for the item than anything else e.g. "ooh what's this, aww that's so cute isn't it!" in response to whatevers been pulled from the gift bag and I only see that because I'm there when it's opened. However, I give it because I take pleasure in choosing the item and knowing that it will be used by the wee guy, I'm not really looking for a thanks and it's never really crossed my mind to look for one either.

Personally I wouldn't say anything as it could create awkwardness between you and the friend. Maybe you could prompt for a thank you? Like if you called them after it was received for a chat then ask to speak to the goddaughter and ask if she liked whatever it was you bought her or ask the mum if she liked it. Also, if you can't afford what you've been buying then only buy what you can afford. It's not worth getting into debt of any kind, especially if you think the item isn't being appreciated as it'll only deepen the grudge.

jenniewb

My sister was like this. SHe never so much as bought me a card yet even as a student I would folk out £20 for a gift for her birthday and for Christmas. She had a partner who worked as a physio and a locum, they were well off.

I just stopped. I never got anything back so I just stopped. You know what? she didn't even notice until a few years later when I shot back at her "I thought you didn't want anything as you never bought me anything/never got me a card" the whole argument died down, she said nothing more then the thing flared up again recently when she was upset she would be spending her birthday alone (maybe if she took better care of others birthdays....)

I think this sort of arguement/disagreement only works if both sides of the fence 1. Realise there is a problem, 2. Can admit their part in it and 3. Want it to change/want to do something about it.

anna_grant

Kids don't send cards anymore - my grandkids say 'thank you' through Facebook!

JulieGeorgiana

My son sends out Thank You cards for both Birthday and Christmas Presents and Any other gifts that come into the house.

On top of that we Homemake our thank you Notes/Cards!

I think if you don't get a thank you, then you should stop buying... no matter what medium the thank you is sent (facebook/mail) it's just plain rude to not say thank you.

If she's a good friend then talk to her and tell her, if not then a card is more then enough.

susie1

I think a prompt 'thank you' is worth encouraging. Say it, email, telephone or in a letter, but why not let someone know you appreciate their efforts? I would treat your God daughter to a day out instead of a gift so you get to enjoy her company and then drop her a little note to say you enjoyed being with her and the fun day you had together. Maybe you could send her regular little letters and notes and hope in time that she replies, 'thank you's' may then become a two way process, as you could thank her for her news, etc. The most valuable thing you can give this young girl is your time and interest and for her to know you care about her, a material gift is not always needed.

debt_free_soon

I was brought up to write Thank You letters as well and I consider not saying Thank You to be incredibly rude, it doesn't mater whether the gift is handed over in person or sent in the mail.

It's a good life-lesson for kids to learn that things don't grow on trees and that saying Thanks isn't wrong.

Given that you've not had a Thank You for ten years, I'm surprised that you're still buying.

That said, the other side of the debate is that if the parents have never instilled the value of saying Thank You into the child, then it does seem a little harsh to punish her for their useless parenting.

My God Daughter is 7 and that's the way I'm looking at it at the moment, that said, at Ten she should know better and I certainly would no longer be buying presents if no Thank You was received.

purpleweasel

I was brought up to beleive that "politeness costs nothing" (OK maybe the cost of a stamp, but there are free ways to say thank you!). If you see them often, make sure you hand over gifts personally, as surely most well-brought up kids will say "thank you" when given something. If you send them, perhaps there is some way to hint how much you appreciate the thank you cards/emails/phone calls you get from x other child?

jackieblack

DoogieH wrote: »

I can't empathise with this situation at all. If you want to give someone a gift, do so freely without expectation of anything in return. In my book anything else isn't really a gift.

Oh, and if you can't afford to give a gift, then don't!

Gifts given out of duty, or grudgingly, or in expectation of reciprocation, would be better not given at all in my opinion.

pipadeepip wrote: »

DoogieH. I couldn't have put it better myself DoogieH.
I give for the pleasure it gives me not for any reciprocation.
If you can't afford to buy dont make out you can.

I agree with you both.

Having said that, it is plain bad manners for the child not to say thank you in some way shape or form, be it by telephone call, letter or whatever.

Petaldust

pipadeepip wrote: »

I give for the pleasure it gives me not for any reciprocation.

But where's the pleasure when you don't know if the recipient liked the gift? I love giving gifts, but surely the whole point is the warm, fuzzy feeling you get from seeing how much they like them. If people think Thank You cards are old fashioned, it doesn't take two minutes to make a quick phone call instead. Personally I always send a Thank You card, especially if someone I don't see very often has taken the trouble to send me a gift. Not acknowledging receipt at all is just rude - how does the sender even know you received it? Even the thank you via Facebook that someone mentioned is better than no thank you at all.