Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

Former_MSE_Lee Former MSE Posts: 343 Forumite
Please give this MoneySaver the benefit of your advice...
Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?
I've bought my 10-year-old god-daughter a present every birthday and Christmas since she was born, with never a thank you from her or her parents. I was brought up to write thank you letters or to phone and thank anyone who kindly bought me gifts. My other friends send thank-yous on their childrens' behalf, and when the children are old enough they send me lovely notes or drawings. I usually spend about £20 on my god-daughters' presents (which I can't always afford). I don't have children myself so the gifts aren't reciprocated. Should I risk upsetting my friend by telling her I'm offended she doesn't acknowledge my gifts? Should I stop buying her daughter presents even though it's not her fault? Or do I just spend less?
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  • ironlady2022
    ironlady2022 Forumite Posts: 1,544
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I think you should definitely mention it to your friend (let's hope she's not overly-sensitive). Her Daughter has probbaly not been taught manners by your friend so it is her fault! Or you can just stop altogether and if she brings it up - then say 'o I didn't think you got them as there was no acknowledgement'. Personall I think this is damn rude and £40 on presents for someone with no manners is a watse. Do you see her often? Do you do things together?
  • currantbun
    currantbun Forumite Posts: 148
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I would buy a small token pressie for a few quid, you can pick stuff up in the dregs of the sales which look much more than they cost. For example, I got a top in Gap for £2 reduced from £12, my neice got it for Christmas and loves it.
  • ironlady2022
    ironlady2022 Forumite Posts: 1,544
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I don't think it's the money she is too concerned about, it's about saying thank you really be it a phone call or a small note. It's only manners to do so, and I would just stop buying her presents just to punish her.
  • starjumper
    starjumper Forumite Posts: 366 Forumite
    I'd stop. If she's and her parents are not polite enough to say thank you then don't bother. I'd maybe put a few quid aside each year for her 21st and maybe a wedding present later on (I know she's only 10) but other than that I'd not bother.

    If the lack of gifts is questioned I'd just be blunt and say "I wasn't sure if she really appreciated the presents as she never said thank you."

    Either that or your next present should be a stationery set complete with a pack of thank you cards!
  • caroline78
    caroline78 Forumite Posts: 857 Forumite
    I wasn't brought up to send Thank You cards, but always had to say Thank you when the present was handed over. My niece is the same as me, and I am pregnant with my first and will probably take the same route...the only exception would have been (and will be with my child too) if the pressie arrived through the post then we had to make a Thank you phone call.
  • sarah*a
    sarah*a Forumite Posts: 2,778
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    starjumper wrote: »
    Either that or your next present should be a stationery set complete with a pack of thank you cards!

    This was my first thought. And if you don't get a thank you (in any form) after that - stop.

    Do you see them often? Could you have some of the thank you notes/drawings out on display next time they visit? and subtly drawn attention to them?

    Arrgh - I hate these MMD's as you don't get a final outcome or response :(
  • tabaira
    tabaira Forumite Posts: 24 Forumite
    it is a simple matter to let the child and the parents know that you'd like an acknowledgement and a thank you for your gift. if this is not forthcoming then you don't send another present. if you send me a gift I shall immediately acknowledge receipt and send you a hand-made thank you card
  • palorx
    palorx Forumite Posts: 6 Forumite
    I'd just stop, however, if you are close friends and see them a lot then you might want to consider just reducing the amount you spend on her over time. The god daughter is 10 and therefore I think old enough to understand a little note written in a card.
  • DoogieH
    DoogieH Forumite Posts: 2 Newbie
    I can't empathise with this situation at all. If you want to give someone a gift, do so freely without expectation of anything in return. In my book anything else isn't really a gift.

    Oh, and if you can't afford to give a gift, then don't!

    Gifts given out of duty, or grudgingly, or in expectation of reciprocation, would be better not given at all in my opinion.
  • pipadeepip
    pipadeepip Forumite Posts: 12 Forumite
    DoogieH. I couldn't have put it better myself DoogieH.
    I give for the pleasure it gives me not for any reciprocation.
    If you can't afford to buy dont make out you can.
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