Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

gonecompletelybonkers

It's not about getting something back in return, it's about manners. It's rude to not say thankyou when you're given something, whether you're a child or an adult. I like getting thankyou notes, but I'm quite happy if the thankyou is in person, or by phone or email - as long as it happens. It's easy to say "mention it to your friend", but my sister's kids never acknowledge gifts and I've never plucked up the courage to risk offending her by mentioning it....

Garden_Girl

I have had exactly the same dilemma with my sister's two girls. We were both brought up to say thank you and I couldn't understand why her girls never wrote to say thank you to me. I did buy writing notes and stamps one year - but they didn't get the hint. Whenever I saw them I always asked if they had received the gift (I don't live near them) and they then were very enthusiastic about it and thanked me. I thought long and hard over the years whether to continue and came to the conclusion that it was my sister's fault not the girls.
Now both girls are much older - I still continue to send gifts and I always get a text message to say thank you - so I feel that it was well worth persevering.

onesixfive

Thank-you's in whatever form (text, FB, notelet) are nice but not essential, and at 10 years old they are old enough to learn from their peers & teachers etc, if not from their parents, that they are important.
So how about reducing the amount spent year-by-year, and phase out presents altogether explained because they reach secondary school or, say, age 16. Then a perhaps a small gift at 21 & wedding are all that's then necessary?

JulieGeorgiana

gonecompletelybonkers wrote: »

It's not about getting something back in return, it's about manners. It's rude to not say thankyou when you're given something, whether you're a child or an adult. I like getting thankyou notes, but I'm quite happy if the thankyou is in person, or by phone or email - as long as it happens. It's easy to say "mention it to your friend", but my sister's kids never acknowledge gifts and I've never plucked up the courage to risk offending her by mentioning it....

It's hard when it comes to close family. I homemake gifts (and send thank you notes/cards). My sister returned that with nothing this year. Not even my son got a gift... everyone else in the family got huge expensive gifts... but our homemade gifts were not good enough for even a thank you. :mad:

JulieGeorgiana

sng165 wrote: »

Thank-you's in whatever form (text, FB, notelet) are nice but not essential, and at 10 years old they are old enough to learn from their peers & teachers etc, if not from their parents, that they are important.
So how about reducing the amount spent year-by-year, and phase out presents altogether explained because they reach secondary school or, say, age 16. Then a perhaps a small gift at 21 & wedding are all that's then necessary?

Rubbish. It's my job to teach my son to be a polite member of society. It's leaving it to everyone else which causes many of the issues we have today!

And why should the OP have to lie? I would never lie, I would stop the gifts... and if they ask I would tell the truth!

None of this beating around the bush!

Fieldfare

To be old fashioned, you do have a connection to this child - should anything happen to her parents, you would be one of the first people to be considered to care for her. That is what you signed-up for as a god-parent and what her parents should have been thinking ... if they didn't just want a party, more pressies and all the general fuss.
But the little girl SHOULD thank you, her mother should make sure that she does. Mother's manners are now inquestion. Perhaps you could have a word with Mother, perhaps suggesting that you £20 presents aren't to the girl's tastes or of much use to her, so you're going to put £10 in with her card at Christmas & birthdays but would love to know how the money was spent.
Alternatively, you could tell Mother that you are putting away money that ould have been spent on presents into a savings account - Martin will tell you the best, most lucrative ones - and she will the final amount on her 18th/21st/25th birthday. If the chil;d ever asks about presents you could be totally honest & tell her exactly what you've done - it also wouldn't go amiss to let her know that "thank yous" cost nothing but are often priceless to the person being thanked

pineapple

We have had this dilemma before. The same issue anyway.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2162233
It's just as much the parents fault. I was MADE to sit down and write thank you letters.
But why on earth spend £20 that you can't afford?
Imo it would be wrong to have a 'If I don't get a thank you, I'm not buying' conversation with either.
Either just get a token gift for a fiver or stop - simply stop. If you get any comments after that, play your next step by ear.
Simples.

Roscal

You say she is your Goddaughter so it is your role to guide her spiritually and with her general behaviour. Perhaps you could get closer to her, maybe take her out once a month, have quality time at yours with her, do jigsaws etc, that way you could form a stronger bond with her and advise her on how to behave in life in general. You do not need to spend what you cannot really afford on presents for her, there are lots of interesting books for about £5.00, that wouldn't be much to put away over the course of a year.

bogwart

Send her an (empty) piggy bank. I'd rather be disliked than taken for granted.

chog24

Your God-daughter's Mum is your friend, right? So speak to her. Explain how you feel, that you sometimes struggle to find the money for gifts and don't feel they're valued since there's never a thank you and see what she says. If she's a friend, she'll understand and most likely tell you not to bother at all.

(To my mind the thing about not getting a thank-you letter is your own issue: yes, it's impolite not to thank someone when they've given you a gift and it's perfectly reasonable to say something about that, but it has nothing to do with whether you can afford the gifts or not)