Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

Augustus_the_Strong

MartinWickham wrote: »

I find the people who keep distributing their gifts to my daughter or myself a menace. It's very difficult to get them to stop and they're increasingly offended when hints become more explicit.

Rather than keep meddling in other family's celebrations, and trying to manoeuvre recipients into responding to your satisfaction, ask yourself whether you have any moral right to send your 'gift' anyway. Perhaps, then, you might deduce that it's really not wanted. That saves you money and relieves the recipient from cringing!

Oooh! I can't imagine you have much trouble from people wanting to be nice to you (or your daughter), with that attitude. You must have seen them off long ago.

JoannaS_3

MartinWickham wrote: »

I find the people who keep distributing their gifts to my daughter or myself a menace. It's very difficult to get them to stop and they're increasingly offended when hints become more explicit.

Rather than keep meddling in other family's celebrations, and trying to manoeuvre recipients into responding to your satisfaction, ask yourself whether you have any moral right to send your 'gift' anyway. Perhaps, then, you might deduce that it's really not wanted. That saves you money and relieves the recipient from cringing!

Well I really have heard it all now. People who spend their time/money/effort on buying others presents are MENACES!!! Everyone stop…..Christmas and Birthdays are a waste as we are just manipulators trying to control other people’s lives!!! We are medalling where we are not wanted and must be stopped IMMEDIATELY before anyone else becomes affected!!!!!

I have honestly never read anything so ungrateful and ridiculous in all my life!!!

Made me laugh though!! ROTFL! :rotfl:

shoeaddict2310

Its quite simple really next birthday or christmas send her one of those cute little sets of thankyou notes and envelopes for the present..maybe then she'll get the message if not the mum should and its a lot less risky to your friendship than just stopping sending the gifts.

houstonstewart

Its not clear how the God daughter receives these gifts - if they are passed to the friend, or to the God daughter herself - how are they responding? Not even a polite Thank you ?

If the gift is arriving by 3rd party i.e. postman, friend of a friend. Then clearly bad manners most likely to blame. But you are not a bad mannered person and do not want to offend, but you're paradoxically accepting that your friend can offend you by not responding to your gifts to the child. There is nothing wrong in asking your friend did 'so&so' like the gift, or was it the right size, colour etc almost anything that starts the conversation about your gift, should become obvious there has been no response & should be remedied.

Failing that, retain the gift monies and save it in a fund for the child when she is older (& hopefully more appreciative) and needs it more, such as University. You may even choose to tell the child &/or friend that is what you are doing.

Cimscate

DoogieH wrote: »

I can't empathise with this situation at all. If you want to give someone a gift, do so freely without expectation of anything in return. In my book anything else isn't really a gift.

Oh, and if you can't afford to give a gift, then don't!

Gifts given out of duty, or grudgingly, or in expectation of reciprocation, would be better not given at all in my opinion.

I don't agree with this at all. Giving gifts because we want to is one thing, bad manners, which is what we are talking about here, is quite another. Even when I give gifts to children in my family and get a verbal thank you their Mums still send a thank you card until they are old enough to write their own.

JulieGeorgiana

MartinWickham wrote: »

I find the people who keep distributing their gifts to my daughter or myself a menace. It's very difficult to get them to stop and they're increasingly offended when hints become more explicit.

Rather than keep meddling in other family's celebrations, and trying to manoeuvre recipients into responding to your satisfaction, ask yourself whether you have any moral right to send your 'gift' anyway. Perhaps, then, you might deduce that it's really not wanted. That saves you money and relieves the recipient from cringing!

What absolute rubbish if ever I heard it.

TBagpuss

I agree that it is very rude not to thank someone who has given you a gift.

If a gift is handed over in person, then a thank-you at the time is sufficient (which is why it isn't necessary for a child to write thank you letters to everyone who comes to her birthday party, for instance)

If the gift isn't handed over in person then the recipient ought to make the effort to thank the giver - persoanlly I feel that a letter or card is more suitable than a phone call or e-mail, as it is more durable, but saying thank you is the impritant thing.

In this instance, I would not suddenly stop sending gifts to the child - she has presumably not been taught any better, and won't know why the gifts have stopped.

But - if you can, make time to see her - consider taking her out rather than sending gifts. Set her a good example when you do, in terms of manners generally.

Consider speaking to her parents - if you time it to shortly after her birthday or christmas, ask them whther your god daughter got the gifts whether they have mislaid your address, as you haven't received a thank you letter or call. That gives them a graceful get-out.

In relation to the cost - don't buy what you can't afford, or if spending that amount on someone who is ungrateful irks you. Spend what you feel you can afford, or simply send a card with a chatty letter, which shows your god-daughter that you care about her and take an interest in her.

full-time-mum

I know exactly how you feel.

My god-daughter's parents split and we never saw her from one years end to the next but still brought her nice gifts as I felt I should make the effort to keep a link. However, once she got to 14/15 years and we still didn't see her or get an acknowledgement, I stopped. I felt that I had ceased to fulfil any role in her life so there was little point.

How about buying some nice stationery, including a couple of packs of thank you notes?

To be honest, I'm happy with a verbal thanks or an email but I do expect something.

marvic_2

Give it up .I bought my godson a very expensive ratchet and even had he's initials put on it. I have not seen him for about five years , it is still in my workshop. So my advice is that life it too short so forget it

Martins_Fan_2

I would stop sending the money and I can say with total conviction because I stopped giving to my thankless nephew. Manners costs nothing.

This child is old enough to know to say thank you and is choosing to accept your money but not give you your deserved respect.