Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

pretzelnut

How about you take it on yourself to fulfill some god motherly duties and teach her some good manners yourself. Her parents obviously picked you for a very good reason whatever that reason may be, but they must have believed that yo would have their childs best interests at heart.

Your expecting a child to all of a sudden just know manners, she needs to be taught them and if her parents aren't doing it then maybe you could step in and show her.

That would possibly be the best present you could ever give her and guess what - it wouldnt cost you a penny.

Do you have a collection of your old thank you cards etc. maybe you could show her and say oooh did you have a nice birthday, oh I remember whe I was your age, i used to send people thank you cards, it was great for practising my writing, then as I got older and started to give people gifts they used to send me thank you cards, it was lovely to recieve them, etc etc.

Maddox

As the child's godmother, you are only committed to supporting her spiritual/religious development, not to be a present-provider throughout her life. Her mother really should have encouraged/helped her to thank you for gifts but so few people think that's important. It is discouraging for gift-givers so if you can't afford it, either stop or halve the money you spend....

Fiona_T_3

I'm a Mum of two and Auntie of six. I force my poor children to write proper thank you letters for every present, and receive nothing from one set of nieces and one liners (thank you for the gift) from the others. I took it up with the mother of the non-repliers and got a mouthful along the lines of DoogieH's reply - if you're going to give, don't do it with the expectation of a reward for yourself. My sister doesn't have time to oversee thank you letters...... then she had the cheek to point it out when she didn't receive a thank you from my son for his last present.... you can't really win. I like the thank you notelets present idea best.

baztex101

Hi

I would definitely stop the gifts. A 10 year old child
(even if no fault of their own) should be able to say thank you.
If her parents can't pass on simple things such as manners,
then what hope have the children got!!
She could have sent a card/e-mail/Facebook message etc. I agree with
the people who say give a gift if you want to give,
but "MANNERS COST NOTHING". My 4 year old son would even
say thank you without being prompted, so surely a 10 year old
would have a clue!!??
Save your money & get something nice for yourself!!
Baz.

ThePope

She's your God Daughter - You have responsibilities to her... not to buy her presents but to make sure she is brought up correctly... If you feel that it is polite and correct (which it is) to send thank you letters or a thank you call for presents received. Then it is YOUR responsibility to sit down with her and talk the situation through with her! Don't just blame her parents... you signed up for the undertaking of being a God parent... its not about the money or the financial gifts/presents... its about bringing up someone with manners in polite society... don't look to blame others when you haven't stood up to the mark... For the record I have two God sons and they are better behaved for me than their own parents because of the standards I expect from them!

tgroom57

I hope to combine some of the earlier answers.
Yes , you should stop sending expensive presents. Yes she is old enough to write a thank you note, except they don't teach letter writing in schools and I remember being always stuck for what to say after the 'thank you for the....'
There is also the possibility that the presents didn't arrive.

Be crafty. You could send her a £5 book token, but that is just boring.
Look in either Poundland (£1) or Hobbycraft (up to £5) or Wilkinsons (about £3) for a kit to 'make your own' cards. They come in packs of 5 with envelopes and are enormous fun to do. You might find some stickers with 'Thank you' on them to pop in the parcel.
send the lot by Recorded Delivery (+67p)

Here's one I made earlier http://www.flickr.com/photos/tgroom57/5411432732/in/set-72157624115746335/

caroline1973lefty

As a new godmother myself I've read this with interest.

I agree that as godmother you have a responsibility to help her be a good person - which definitely includes helping her learn the importance of giving not just taking. This includes saying thank you promptly for a present (either face to face, or phone call, or email would be ok i think) and indeed ideally she should remember your own birthday/christmas with a card. (If she sends YOU brthday cards, but no thank yous, I might let it go, as at least she's making some effort, but I doubt that's the case).

So I think really you have a duty to raise it, nicely but honestly & directly - the only question is whether with her, or with the parents, and I think only you can make that choice - presumably they are good friends otherwise they wouldn't have asked you to be godmother?

If you get a bad reaction or nothing changes, I'd be inclined to send her cards with a nice long message inside, or an occasional letter, but no gifts. Or take her out. And don't spend more than you can afford. As others have said, godparenting is not about spending money, its about a relationship with the child.

jewel*queen

I'd still buy something, but a token gift as it's not the child's fault that she has not been brought up to say please and thank you. I have nephews who are exactly the same and they are a lot older. I now buy them a charity present as I consider that they obviously don't appreciate my gift as they can't manage to thank me for it. At least I know my money is going towards something that is appreciated by someone.
You could talk directly to your friend and tell them how upset you are about this or casually drop the please and thank you bit into your conversation one day. I'm a teacher and I'm constantly reminding children to say please and thank you. Sadly, I think it must be a sign of the times as children get things so easily nowadays.

silverswan

I would personally cut down the amount to £10, and buy her a gift token. I would include the words " please put this towards something really nice for yourself, and let me know what you bought." I'd then put my phone number. If no thankyou (by phone or card ) was forthcoming, then I'd stop sending anything at all, and put my hard-earned cash towards something that I wanted!

katy_p

Hi

I don't think I have ever posted on this site before, although I use it frequently for advice/info.

This dilemma made me want to reply though!

If you care about the child you should keep giving gifts. If not, don't. You should not give a gift with any expectation as to the outcome.

She may not have been brought up to thank people, who knows...maybe she doesn't know you well enough to appreciate/understand who has sent the gift? Maybe a better gift would be a gift of time spent with her rather than money / presents - i know my children would prefer that everytime xx