Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

meghall1995

Get the god daughter a thank you letter writing set and hope she gets the idea!

pennypinchUK

(We've had almost the same "dilemma" not so long ago - MSE, this money moral dilemma section needs to get it's mojo back).

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By now you should have been speaking to your friend after sending a present, asking whether it had arrived and telling her you hadn't heard from your god-daughter although you'd expected it. Although the parents clearly haven't taught basic manners it's also your fault for not dealing with it before.

Anyway, why buy presents when you say you can't afford them anyway? If they were good friends they'd have noticed your generosity. And they'd completely understand when you didn't send a gift simply because you couldn't afford it.

The harsh fact is that you've brought this one on yourself.

MoneywastingExpert_2

I'm disgusted by the people saying a thank-you shouldn't be expected- of course it should! Regardless of whether or not you're a busy parent, you can always find a minute or two to send an email/make a quick phone call/write a thank you card. My daughter is two and she is always encouraged to say thank you in person and follow this up with a thank you card (which we obviously write on her behalf while she is still so young) detailing how much she enjoys her gifts (even including photos for the really special ones). If she grew up to not have the manners to thank others for their kind gestures and thoughtfulness, I would feel I'd failed as a parent. There's just no excuse for not acknowledging that someone has taken the time, effort and expense to pick and buy you a present.

In answer to the OP's question, you should stop buying the girl presents and if her parents have the audacity to ask why, tell them the lack of a thank-you made you think she didn't like the presents you were getting her so you're making a donation to a charity that will appreciate the money instead.

robynprincess

DoogieH wrote: »

I can't empathise with this situation at all. If you want to give someone a gift, do so freely without expectation of anything in return. In my book anything else isn't really a gift.

Oh, and if you can't afford to give a gift, then don't!

Gifts given out of duty, or grudgingly, or in expectation of reciprocation, would be better not given at all in my opinion.

couldn't have put it better myself

megsykins

starjumper wrote: »

Either that or your next present should be a stationery set complete with a pack of thank you cards!

My thought exactly! I got the Hummingbird Bakery cards set recently and have been dishing them out

anna_grant wrote: »

Kids don't send cards anymore - my grandkids say 'thank you' through Facebook!

Maybe send her a birthday text and see if you get a Thank You text to that? ("ta 4 pres xxx")

I have to admit I was awful when I was younger for not sending thank yous, but now I realise that getting post is so lovely,and so much nicer than an email or text, that I send cards and letters constantly for any reason or just to say hi!

WirralOne

As people have said, it's a question of manners. We have always encouraged our daughter to send cards or telephone to say thanks for any presents. We have nephews who never even acknowledged receipt of our gifts. We would only know they had received them through the post when the cheques were cashed. In the end we decided not to bother sending them anything. I do think that the parents are also to blame as they should be encouraging their child to say thank you. Manners cost nothing.

Sublime_2

I don't expect thank you letters, although a phone call to say thanks is appreciated. Its nice to give gifts.

I would get your god-daughter something a little less expensive in future though.

shellysue

I would write to her and ask if she liked the present and say it would be nice to hear from you, a simple little card, perhaps saying thinking of you.

happyinflorida

Why, if you cannot afford to buy the presents, are you spending so much?!

Tell your friend that you cannot afford to buy the presents anymore and hope they understand.

I'd give much smaller present and say it's the last one as you can't afford to anymore.

As you are giving a last pressie, hopefully it'll take the edge of it being the last one!

JayD

We have several neices and nephews who do the same to us. Of course, it is their parents who should be telling them that to say thank you is the right thing to do - not to do so is not only ungrateful but also (given the unreliability of our postal system) worrying for the donor. Some of our relatives thank us for their children's gifts and often include a mention of just how and when the items were used, which is very gratifying.

In the case of those who don't bother, we ALWAYS contact them to ask if the present arrived safely or it was enjoyed. We hope that this persistence will maybe embarrass them a little, or at least annoy them sufficiently to eventually lead to them telling us without us having to ask first.

Please don't punish the children for their parents bad manners. When they are older they may well surprise you by mentioning something you sent them while they were young that gave them particular pleasure or how they looked forward to receiving your gifts.