Real Life MMD: Should I continue buying my god-daughter presents?

ethika

I always thought that a godparent was chosen because the parent was close to them, admired/liked their morals/character, and felt that if the worse happened the godparent would be able to help care for the child and be a guide for good morals/behaviour. It is nice to give gifts, but surely you are failing in your duty as godparent if you do not ask the mother how she would like you to guide her daughter in matters or morality and behaviour and whether this would stretch to manners.
Or you could be less pompous and just ask the mother whether the presents had been received as you had had no acknowledgement.

Losinmoney

.. gifts are a great way to facilitate a relationship with a child! I still think very fondly of a great aunt and uncle who I may only have met once or twice but who sent money every Christmas

There you go - great image for the generous relatives!

antonia1

When I buy a child a gift, I would prefer them to spend time playing with it rather than writing me thank-you notes. Children now have homework from a young age and I'd really hate to be another chore for them. Saying 'thank-you' as you hand the gift over is another thing though. My nephew (also my godson) is 3 and when I give him gifts he usually says thank-you, and when he doesn't I ask him to say it myself.

poorbutrich

AlisonMC wrote: »

I am quite amazed at the number of people who think it's unreasonable to expect even a basic "thank you". I don't think it necessarily matters whether this is in person, over the 'phone or via post or e mail, but it needs to be said. It's just basic manners.

My nephew has been sending thank-you cards since birth- well, obviously HE didn't really send them but his parents always send a little note and since he's been old enough to hold a pen, he puts a little scribble on it. They mean the world to me.

I suppose it's little wonder that children aren't saying thanks if their parents don't feel it's important though.

I have been in exactly the same position and feel that although it's certainly not worth having an argument, I would send a really pretty card and write something personal inside it.

I very much doubt anything would be said about the absence of a gift but if it was, I would very sweetly say " oh well, she's not so little any more and I never hear from her so I thought I'd stick to cards from now on".

The excuse that parents are too busy to teach their children basic courtesy is shocking- I must be old-fashioned... but at least I'm polite!

Totally agree. The fact that so many people think their children are too busy to say thank you is quite depressing and does not really bode well for the future. If someone is too busy to say thank you for a gift, whether it's by phone, text, thank you card, or even FB (even though I personally wouldn't use this method as I think it's impersonal), then I'm going to be too busy to have time to think about what they'd like and then buying it.

Bring back good manners (please)!

(Thank you!)
:rotfl:

Losinmoney

ethika wrote: »

I always thought that a godparent was chosen because the parent was close to them, admired/liked their morals/character, and felt that if the worse happened the godparent would be able to help care for the child and be a guide for good morals/behaviour. It is nice to give gifts, but surely you are failing in your duty as godparent if you do not ask the mother how she would like you to guide her daughter in matters or morality and behaviour and whether this would stretch to manners.
Or you could be less pompous and just ask the mother whether the presents had been received as you had had no acknowledgement.

So right, ethika. I like the less pompous approach. If I hadn't thanked, I would be in no doubt my formidable aunts and godparents would be on to it and asking if I'd received the present. But that's the North for you - forthright!

Once I was a parent myself, though, I had a few scrapes. Especially the year I put my favourite aunt's Christmas present in a safe place for my daughter to open on Christmas morning, so safe I lost it. How do you get a child to do a thoughtful thank you when they never got the present, and it was mum's fault? We were creative with the thanks that year... I'd found it by Easter though!

Savvybunny2009

I can only see one comment on here saying thank you is not important, most have said that a thank you is important but you shouldn't expect a thank you note, that a phone call or in person should be enough. I am doing thank you cards this year because I am organised enough but I have never heard of anyone we know complaining that a simple thank you via phone or in person was not enough, and to be honest if they had said that - I would think it incredibly rude.

ellie43

I think a thank you is very important - in whatever form. I don't have children but I do spend time and money choosing Christmas and birthday gifts for my nephews and children's friend. The gifts are posted off, and then if I hear nothing (as is often the case) I wonder - 'has the parcel got lost in the post?'. So a 'thank you' is an acknowledgement of safe receipt if nothing else. I do have a couple of 'thank you' notes which I have treasured and kept.

Don't spend more than you can afford out of a feeling of obligation.

Also another way to teach children about the value and power of money is to make a donation to a charity in their name. You can get some lovely donation packs nowadays. You will know that the gift has been received and the money has gone to a good cause. Gifts should never be taken for granted and a 10 year old is old enough to understand the concept of giving to charity.

Primrose

Well, think of it this way: When you assumed the role of Godparent, you accepted some moral responsibility for the upbringing of your Godchild, so perhaps, if her parent isn't teaching her any manners it's a legitimate part of your role as Godparent to give her some wise advice. You may shirk at this suggestion, but next time her birthday comes around, why not include a little note to your Goddaughter suggesting that writing "thank you" letters is good manners, and that if she adopts this practice as she grows up, it will increase the favourable way other people look on her. If she (or her parents) fail to respond to your initiative, you have the option of knowing what to do in the future.

Her mother may be shocked or offended at your initiative, but perhaps you could point out that when she asked you to be a Godparent, you assumed that she wanted you to take your role seriously and that if she doesn't want you to do that, then perhaps it might be time to bow out graciously.

tranmererovers

I would buy her a nice thankyou notelet set, some stamps and an address book with your address already filled

goodgirl80

My nieces and nephews are mostly in their twenties now. I still buy them all Christmas and Birthday presents, but they generally don't buy for me. I'm wondering now if I can get out of buying presents now they have reached this age?
I don't care about thanks you cards, etc. but sometimes I send a text saying 'did you get the present?'