Toddler Toilet Training help! (merged)

llamedos36

I know what you are going through my son is now ten and we have never been clean, he is dry and fine of a night we have just never managed with the soiling.

He has seen and still sees a new of 'specialists' who have so far been no help

however good new is the people who can help and are very understanding is ERIC I have placed a link I have at times phoned these people in tears because nobody seems to now how to or want to help my son.

if you need to talk or any further advice pm me or email me will reply as soon as possible

http://www.eric.org.uk/

just be there for your son because as they get older and thsi is still continuing the bullying will start

Bev

izoomzoom

Another thing that has come to mind is that it could be constipation. Now I know this doesn't make sense but I remember reading a story years ago and this child turned out to be constipated. He would get so clogged up that eventually it would all come out and he had no control over it.

patchwork_cat

HI
Does he hate the feeling of the poo coming away? I think that this is more common a problem than is realised .

squidge60

i had a nephew who did this when he was little and my sil put him in boxers and it solved the problem but i realise what works for 1 doesnt for another.hth

jacksons_mum

wilkinsons have some really cheap reward charts which look quite good

Nicki

Having poo in your pants is uncomfortable and unpleasant, and I don't think any child would choose this over using the toilet just because they couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet. I suspect therefore that there is more going on here than meets the eye. That's not to say that nothing can be done, but I wouldn't personally be going down the "punishment" (by having to wash out his own pants) or humiliation routes ("only babies do that")

In your shoes I would first rule out physical causes. Could he be constipated as someone suggested? If so he may be experiencing anal leakage, and you need medical input. Does he recognise the sensations of needing to go? If not, then you might need to teach him this skill. Does he have full control of his sphincter?

Then I'd look at psychological issues. Is he scared to poo in the toilet? Many kids are, and there are strategies to help (eg using toilet paper in the loo to deaden the splash, or letting them poo in a nappy over the toilet and gradually cutting more and more of the nappy away until over time it is no longer needed) Has something changed to make him emotionally more vulnerable? Is it the wiping he doesn't like? If you clean him with wipes when he soils but he has to wipe with toilet paper when he goes independently, it may be the feel of dry paper on his bottom that is the problem and a box of kandoo wipes in the bathroom might do the trick. Is there something about the toilet which means he doesn't like to spend too much time in there?

I'm pretty sure that most health authorities will have experts dealing with this issue and perhaps a visit to the Gp might be a good first step

HappySad

moo2moo wrote: »

It could be its a developmental problem. Not a "problem" as such, just a delay. The obvious sign would be if hes surprised that its happened. The simplest way to explain it is that the signal between the muscle and the brain hasn't fully matured. Its very common. My eldest had it. The good news is they grow out of it. The bad news is it could take a few more years. No amount of bribery or reward will change this. It'll just make your son more aware of it, which isn't always a good thing, especially if his body isn't ready. Theres no miracle cure, it just takes time. Buy dark coloured underwear and carry a spare set with you where ever you go.

The other alternative is its uncontrollable as a result of a mild food intolerance. However this usually has a truly unbelievably bad smell asscociated with the underwear!

Thanks everyone for your input. I think it is motivational rather then medical that he is not using the toilet. He would look like he needs the toilet in that he is walking about with a bend back and we would ask him if he needs to the toilet. Sometimes he says says other times he does not. If we say that he is doing a "Woolworth poo poo" then he is motivated to run up to the toilet and do his wee or poo.

HappySad

Nicki wrote: »

Having poo in your pants is uncomfortable and unpleasant, and I don't think any child would choose this over using the toilet just because they couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet. I suspect therefore that there is more going on here than meets the eye. That's not to say that nothing can be done, but I wouldn't personally be going down the "punishment" (by having to wash out his own pants) or humiliation routes ("only babies do that")

In your shoes I would first rule out physical causes. Could he be constipated as someone suggested? If so he may be experiencing anal leakage, and you need medical input. Does he recognise the sensations of needing to go? If not, then you might need to teach him this skill. Does he have full control of his sphincter?

Then I'd look at psychological issues. Is he scared to poo in the toilet? Many kids are, and there are strategies to help (eg using toilet paper in the loo to deaden the splash, or letting them poo in a nappy over the toilet and gradually cutting more and more of the nappy away until over time it is no longer needed) Has something changed to make him emotionally more vulnerable? Is it the wiping he doesn't like? If you clean him with wipes when he soils but he has to wipe with toilet paper when he goes independently, it may be the feel of dry paper on his bottom that is the problem and a box of kandoo wipes in the bathroom might do the trick. Is there something about the toilet which means he doesn't like to spend too much time in there?

I'm pretty sure that most health authorities will have experts dealing with this issue and perhaps a visit to the Gp might be a good first step

Before the baby was born he was a lot better. He would on occasions use the toilet himself for a poo.. Also when he needs to use the toilet he will run around the room and sometimes call out to me with the pain of trying to keep it in. Also... if I can spot he needs to use the toilet and I say "do you want to do a woolworths poo poo?" meaning that we go down to woolworths if he poos .. then he on many occasions says "yes"...So I think is it psychological.

Looks like the plenty of rewarding and praise with stickers and visits to the shop is my best bet. I will try the call number from ERIC and see if they can offer more advice. More info from you wall is also VERY much welcome.

My son will be starting school in September and I really don't want him to be pooiing at school. They funny thing also is that when he is at nursery in the morning he goes to the toilet all by himself without being asked. When at home I ALWAYS have to ask him to go to the toilet for a wee or a poo. At nursery he only does wees.

Any advice based on what I have just written...
THANKS

dawnybabes

I just throw the knickers away - I don't make him clean them - I made him clean his own bum up with wipes but if he poo's in the loo then i'd do it for him (he really hates the thought of poo on his hands)

Does he like the seat - we bought a trainer family seat like this one : http://www.mothercare.com/gp/product/B000IVTZZM/sr=1-4/qid=1202508902/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&mcb=core - this stopped his fear of slipping down the loo

Another book we bought was : http://www.amazon.co.uk/Story-Little-Mole-Knew-Business/dp/1856021017/ref=pd_bbs_6?ie=UTF8&s=gateway&qid=1202509016&sr=8-6 A funny story about an animal that poos on the moles head - kids love it

We tried the reward chart route but to be honest he lost interest in a "treat/gift" a week away also when we first used this for wee's he quickly sussed out to go every hour getting stars really quickly but ended up with a kidney infection.

When he does poo is it hard or runny ?

Debt_Free_Chick

Leave him alone. He'll find his own way in life.

Seriously ... you find it an issue, he doesn't at the moment. At some point it will become "dirty" to him ... let him find his own way. When he does, he'll stop it.



Edit: I didn't mean to sound so harsh. It was meant to be a soft, kind "leave him alone" and not an instruction :eek:

karen23 at post 19 put it far better.

So sorry - hope I didn't offend