Toddler Toilet Training help! (merged)

Savvy_Sue

likabu wrote:

Savvy Sue - I think if it happens again in my Mums house I might ask him to apologise for wetting her floor and see where that takes us.

It can do no harm ... to me it's the same as children who won't eat their crusts or peas or anything you've cooked for them, but if granny sets the self-same thing in front of them they wolf it down. You try the same thing a week later, and they won't touch it. They KNOW granny won't stand any nonsense, they KNOW they can't wind granny up in the same way as they can Mummy. And they KNOW this from a much earlier age than we think is possible.

I know not all children are like this, but some are calculating little tykes from a very young age. I know we are supposed to remain all calm and unstressed and not make a big deal about things, but sometimes, just sometimes, I have found that making a big deal about things has got results, where months of staying calm and unstressed has not. I stress that I take this approach is when I am sure the child COULD do things differently, not when the child is too young or otherwise incapable. I never had to do it for bed-wetting, for example, where obviously the child is asleep so can't help it.

Another suggestion is to say before you go to your mum's that if he has an accident you will have to come straight home, and do it. "I haven't got enough clean dry pants/trousers for you so I can't take any spares." If Mum usually finds spares, "Grandma's got too much washing to do as it is, we can't keep borrowing clothes there." Pick a day for this: one where you CAN leave promptly. Get your mum on board. And make sure it's one where you feel strong enough to deal with whatever the fallout will be ...

All the best!

likabu_2

Savvy Sue - What you are saying all makes sense. We won't be going there this week as Dp is off work. Ds always seems to be better around his Dad, in the same way kids eat their Grannys food etc and not Mums, so we will see what this week brings us!!

Thanks for the advice.

Viz_2

Our 2 year and 8 month old daughter was always wearing nappies until recently. I just had two weeks off of work and we decided to try her on the toilet. It worked ! She doesn't wear or want to wear nappies at all ! It took about 4 days of staying indoors wearing nothing from the waist down. We kept telling her she has to use the big toilet.
And she always tells us when she wants to go.

She has wet the bed about 3 times since. But we are really pleased !

She wouldn't use the potty during the summer, so we carried on using nappies.

jo_b_2

Well done Viz. Give your little girl a big kiss for me!

HOLsale

I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter that simply refuses to be potty trained.

She has glue ear which has led to a serious speech delay so we have been fairly lenient on the potty training issue thus far since we know she has troubles communicating with us.


However, now her speech is coming on leaps and bounds and it's quite clear to us she knows when she needs a wee at least (not so sure on the bowel movement side of things). But, she simply won't cooperate.



We tried putting her into pull up pants but that was a waste of money as she treats them like nappies. She is rarely impressed with big girl pants and often flat out refuses to wear them. She actually begs me to put a nappy on her. I do my best to ignore her sometimes and only put her in nappies when we are travelling too far away from toilets to make pants feasible and at bedtime. But, she'll just wee or poo in her pants because she is angry at us. I know this because I'll ask why she didn't tell us she needs the potty and she'll say 'you naughty, I'm mad'


I can't force her to go in the toilet so I'm at my wits end here. For awhile she was telling us that she needed the toilet, often BEFORE doing it so that was good. But you could leave her on the toilet for up to 10 minutes and she'd do nothing but within 5 minutes of being off the toilet she'd have soiled herself in her pants! I don't know if she has some sort of performance anxiety or is just being stubborn or lazy


she isn't afraid of the toilet and will actually ask to sit on it sometimes though lately she has been refusing. She has both a small potty and an insert that we put on the big toilet so that she doesn't fall in which she can get herself onto with the aid of her stepstool. We've tried stickers as a reward but to no avail!

even her nursery has thrown in the towel twice already and they are brilliant with the kids on everything! i just don't know what to do here. the nappies and paying to wash the clothes is getting a tad to expensive for my tastes as well!

If anyone has any suggestions of what to try or what may be causing the problem please please please let me know, we are desperate to get her out of nappies

JULIE

I would suggest your first port of call would be your Health Visitor...have you spoken to them yet

Have you found a reason as to why she says " you naughty i'm mad"? has someone got angry with her and she is copying their response which has put her off.... that sounds a bit odd to me...

Has she ever at any time weed or pood in the toilet or on the potty.... what about at a grandparents house.

Magentasue

One of my kids was reluctant to leave nappyland behind even though he had the control and would wake with a dry nappy. He also had glue ear but not that bad. What did we do? Can't remember! I know it was important then because I remember talking to people about it and I know he was out of nappies when he was four because he started part-time school just after that. But not long before.

Assuming there is no medical problem, I can't see what you have to gain by fighting her. Could you just give in and try again in the summer? The more it becomes a big deal to you, the worse it will get. Twelve years down the line for me, it's about as important as the problems I had making a Thundercats birthday cake!

chugalug

Perhaps its become a bit of a battle and this is feeding into both your anxieties. I would leave it completely for a few weeks, not long in the grown up world but forever to a child. Then start again in the summer when things like this become much easier. Every child is different and I've never heard of one that starts school in nappies. Thats what you need to remember although it is hard when battlelines become entrenched. I know I had problems with one of mine not being dry at night for years, another wouldnt give up the dummy, one didnt sleep much as a baby etc etc. The point is all these things are desperately important at the time but we get through them and later they become something to laugh about. Try and get some support and advice in the meantime and work out a strategy to start when things are more relaxed. Good luck.

eml_3

I agree with what the others have said - why not just put the potty away and forget about it for a while. Taking the pressure off might be just what you all need. She will come out of nappies when she is ready and when the weather is warmer is a much better time to try anyway.

My son is very happy in his nappies and I have to admit I am putting off even thinking about potties as I just cant be bothered at the moment. He is my second child so potty training has no novelty value for me! My daughter showed no interest and then as soon as she was interested, she was trained in a week.

If your daughter isn't bothered about wearing nappies, let it go for a while.

Jay-Jay_4

I know how infuriating it is, especially when you 'know' that they can do it.

Although I agree that it's probably best to leave it a little while and try again in a few weeks, it's also important that have a word with your health visitor just to have a 'plan' for the future.

My daughter was potty trained and tiolet trained at 2½ but was always wetting her knickers a tiny bit and was only dry at night when I lifted her for a wee at 11pm. Everyone said "don't worry, she'll do it in her own time etc"..... well 3 years on and she's still doing it

She's 6 in July and still wets her knickers every day. She wears a nappy at night and I've finally got an appointment for her to see a consultant in April as now they think that it may be a problem :rolleyes: .

I think that she's got so used to it 'not being a big deal' that she's got very little bladder control and she's just 'not bothered' about being dry. She's perfectly able to go to the toilet and isn't afraid of falling in or anything else that can be a problem with toilet training, she's just blummin lazy! Sometimes I feel like I'm banging my head agains a brick wall.