What is the point in my being alive?

patman99

Sim, have you got a notepad and pen?, if so, start a daily diary of every positive thing you do each day. That way, when you have a 'negative' moment you can read all the positives you have achieved and take your mind of the negatives.

For instance, from Thursday you would have -

Put out bins
Tidied-up
Paid BT bill
Watched film

This helps to raise your bottom line beliefs.

dancingfairy

Sim - I agree with Patman - when you're having a cr*p day it's good to be able to say - hey I got up and got dressed, I had a shower 'cos you know that sometimes even the small things are a massive effort. Well it works for me - I'm not an alcoholic by the way but do sometimes struggle to do things.
Glad you are o.k (ish) and you sound like you have had a fab day yesterday - congratulations on avoiding the drink.
Keep fighting.
df

beanielou

Keep plodding & know there is always someone around on MSE.

mrs-stressed

Simon are you still there??? We are - are you??

Yargo1

Hello... how are you doing today? x

Arbitrax

Hi Sim,

I hope things are bearable for you at the moment. I too know what it's like to look around at the world and see people laughing and enjoying life while all you can do is worry. I'm not great at motivational speeches but I can tell you this - it gets better.

I don't know if you're into looking at motivational stuff on the internet but I came across this video when the colour drained out of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rlio7lcORws

I wrote this poem down, and I keep it in my wallet, whenever I need some grit I pull it out and it helps me get through.

Hang in there bud, we're all rooting for you.

You're going to beat this, and we'll all be there to cheer you at the finish line.

SimIsOnTheUp

twistedhazel wrote: »

Hi there, didn't want to read and run - I know it seems like too much to tackle but you have to remember that it's only money. I realise that it's easy to say that and it wont automatically make it easier to deal with but it is true. Hiya Hazel, thanks for your reply. Sorry for not getting back to you earlier. You make a good point. I've been trying to seperate the 'money' issue from my 'depression' and lack of self - worth issues, but it's tough, as with most things, they're interlinked. I am trying though, and at least I paid a couple of debts last Thursday. Am starting some work tomorrow too.

You sound like you really need to talk to someone do you have a friend who you can call or any family at all close by? If not I always remember that the Samaritans are available 24/7 for a chat if you need them. Even just someone to call round for a chat - you don't have to get into the whole debt thing with them - just having someone round for a cuppa tomorrow perhaps? I did try talking with my so called best mate of over 10 years last Friday night. He only ever used to call when he wanted to go to the pub. Admittedly I'd had a few drinks in the pub on my own. I then went to see him as he locked up his shop. Tried to chat but he didn't really want to know. I think I'll give my 2 year sober friend call tomorrow, as having drank Friday and Saturday, I've been very low again since then (spending most of the time in bed - slept solidly for about 14 hours last night / today. It can't continue).

I don't have any advise to offer except that people do care and will help so hang on in there and you will be able to get through this.

Thanks again Hazel. I think a lot of it is sheer exhaustion / guilt / shame for how I've wasted so much time / hurt other people when drunk / wasted money. Just feel overwhelmed with so much to sort out.

SimIsOnTheUp

newworld wrote: »

ddnt want to read and run. i have no advice to offer regarding your financial situation but im sure someone will come along and offer some. all i can say is there is every reason for you being alive im sure your family love you even though you havent been in touch. hope things get better soon. hugs

Thank You newworld. The history regarding my family is a toughie. I will be calling my Dad and the rest of my family at some point this year. Not just yet though.

SimIsOnTheUp

determined_new_ms wrote: »

sim even though you can't see a way out of this - there is one I promise. Right now you are frightened and overwhelmed but things can and will improve. You can't pay what you don't have so don't worry about that, contact CCCS tomorrow and get some advice. Likely you will need to write to the people you owe money to offering a token payment or no payment until your situation improves, you have a job to start in a few weeks so things will improve.
Thanks for that. I still haven't called CCCS :-/ Will be calling them first thing tomorrow though.


Its fantastic that you've stopped drinking - good for you! If your relationship was unhealthy then you've made the right decision and you're seeing things through the haze of grief right now, but over time things will seem better - look you're already taking positive step t improve your situation. Any chance of re-contacting your family?
I do want to stay sober, but it's a chicken and egg thing going on, and I'm not even sure if I ever was / have been an alcoholic per se. I think my depression / anxiety has been the underlying problem for years. Sure enough, the drinking kicked in when I didn't want to feel anymore. Either way, I do need to get and stay sober, and I do need help for this. AA never really helped. Just don't know.


Stay strong sim, better times are around the corner for you x

Thanks. Trying to believe that, but it's tough to see clearly at the moment.

SimIsOnTheUp

Pink-Angel wrote: »

Hi there, I'm so sorry things feel so awful right now. I can't offer any suggestions about your financial situation, but wanted to offer some support, as someone who has experienced some pretty crap things in my life and found that things can get better even when it feels they won't.

Glad to hear things got better for you. Thanks for your support Pink-Angel. I can safely say that I've had enough of drinking in pubs on my own. It's not the most sociable of activities! It must look a bit 'sad' as a 37 bloke necking vodka and tonics alone too

As Twistedhazel said, please remember that the Samaritans are there day and night if it helps to talk. Do reach out to friends too. And - forgive me - you made a reference to alcoholism and I just wanted to say that AA is there is for you too if you need some support there. Take care, I hope things will get better for you soon.

As much as I've been in two minds about AA for a while, I don't think I can stay sober on my own. Again, I think that the depression / loneliness has been the underlying problem, and the booze was a byproduct of that.

Thanks x