12 to 24 week pregnancy thread

rjh090384

Aww fish cake that's awful I'm sorry u had to go through that. Maybe if u have a different midwife this time u might have a different midwife and talk through it. U might have a different experienc. I had an induction with number one but touch wood it went smoothly. No idea about this on. I don't even know if I'd know if I was in labour

Fishcake_Random

My midwife is really supportive and has offered to get me extra support from a special counsellor who deals with woman who have had a previous traumatic birth, so thats something im eager to try.
It upsets me that all my notes say i am an experienced mother when I feel I have no experience at the bit thats going to count IYSWIM. I am still a first time mum when it all comes to labour and birth.

rjh090384

Ikwym. They are all oh u have done this before and tend not to explain but it was four years ago and it's my partners first would be nice to show some consideration to that.
Counsellor sounds like a good idea hun. Worth a shot anyway

lisa26_2

ColourMePurple wrote: »

Also, I've been looking at prams and I really want to get my Babystyle. I'm happy to buy now, but whats peeving me off at the moment is that they and a lot of other prams come with only a 6 month warranty/ guaranty. If my calculations are right, that will mean it will be over by the time I have this little peanut.

Hi, just wanted to say, check with the shop as most places start the warranty from either the due date or the day your baby is born. I know both mothercare and mamas and papas do. i'm getting my pram from a local independant store and they also do the same, i think its a pretty common practice as they know people want to get them sorted in advance but obviously won't be using them until the baby arrives.

fluffnutter

Fishcake_Random wrote: »

My first birth wasn't even a birth really, my water broke and I had a failed induction ending in a c-section. I never had a single contraction and I felt such a failure, I ended up with a horrible case of PND mixed with post traumatic stress.
I also have a huge fear of anything medical and no trust in medicine really so it was pretty much my worst case senario going through it all.
I'm already marked down as a "flight" risk because I admitted that I probably wouldn't tell anyone I was in labour this time round and stay home. I think they call it "free birthing"

I don't want to scare anyone with my story, so I really apologise if I upset anyone.

Everybody's labour is different and yours is just as valid as anyone else's. I know you didn't experience the big push but thousands upon thousands of women have c-sections, and many too don't really get contractions.

I can completely see why you felt traumatised by your first birth, although I do think the PND has played a big part in the way you've developed the memories.

I just think it's incredibly sad (and wrong!) for you to feel that you're a failure! That somehow your birth was less of a birth than other women's. It wasn't. Every birth that results in a baby is a successful delivery. Please talk to your midwife about your fears and try to feel more confident in your ability to birth your babies. You've got a child now - you did something right

Fishcake_Random

Thanks guys, It's just nice to know someone is listening to you sometimes
I had an awfull nights sleep for the second day in a row, I'm not nearly as tired as I was in general and have managed 3 days without sickness now, so I'm thinking that the placenta is storming ahead in taking things over.
xx xx

rjh090384

Go placenta!! Mine seems to have taken over tho still the odd vom. I had an evil chest infection this week so been über tired. Luckily been off Uni. Unluckily haven't managed to do anything about house or by way of work. Naughty. Hopefully once this consultant appt is over I will be able to concentrate again.

fluffnutter

Why have we got to this position whereby there are 'good' labours and 'bad' labours?? It's really prevalent. I was reading my baby book the other day and hearing women's stories of labours. This one woman said 'I was pleased I'd managed to endure at least part of my labour with no pain relief'. It really got me thinking. Why?? Why is it more 'impressive' to go through labour without pain relief? Why do people boast about 'Ooh, I only had gas and air' and everyone nods in approval? Why do we expect women to be stoical during what can be an incredibly traumatic time. It hurts having a baby! What other painful experience can you imagine (e.g. breaking a bone, suffering with gallstones pain) where you're applauded if you 'get through it' with no pain relief?? It's bizarre! Not to mention barbaric.

You don't get a medal for managing labour without pain relief. It doesn't make you a better mother. It's about time we woke up to the fact that any experience is a valid one, and every birth where you and your baby arrive the other side safely is a success. We're not failures if we want a epidural, !!!!!!.

Fishcake_Random

I can only speak for me, but by not having a labour of any description I felt I hadn't earned my baby. Because by the time I reached my c-section I was in a very poor state mentally I have a strong memorie of them taking my DD out from under the table and not from my tummy. I know this is a false memory from the stress and drugs etc but for a long time I was actually convinced my baby had died or been taken away and replaced.
The whole thing had a very big converyor belt feeling like it was completely automated. I have since read that some people strongly believe that while a woman is in labour it is also allowing her time to understand that her life is changing and gives you time to adapt and accept the situation. I was just poked and probbed and then handed a baby and told it was mine and off I was sent. I was in complete shock and the midwifes on the ward kept having to remind me it was my baby. The whole thing was just awful.
But yes I do have a wonderful DD who is the cheekiest and smiliest baby ever. I love her completely but it took me a long time to get to this stage.
xx x x

fluffnutter

Fishcake_Random wrote: »

I can only speak for me, but by not having a labour of any description I felt I hadn't earned my baby. Because by the time I reached my c-section I was in a very poor state mentally I have a strong memorie of them taking my DD out from under the table and not from my tummy. I know this is a false memory from the stress and drugs etc but for a long time I was actually convinced my baby had died or been taken away and replaced.
The whole thing had a very big converyor belt feeling like it was completely automated. I have since read that some people strongly believe that while a woman is in labour it is also allowing her time to understand that her life is changing and gives you time to adapt and accept the situation. I was just poked and probbed and then handed a baby and told it was mine and off I was sent. I was in complete shock and the midwifes on the ward kept having to remind me it was my baby. The whole thing was just awful.
But yes I do have a wonderful DD who is the cheekiest and smiliest baby ever. I love her completely but it took me a long time to get to this stage.
xx x x

That's so horrible. I completely agree that labour can prepare you and it's important to feel in control, something that will have been completely absent for you. I expect a lot of women who have quick labours, or emergency sections feel the same. I guess some might feel 'cheated' as well and I really get your point about not having 'earnt' your baby.

I think I'm referring specifically to the expectation that it's somehow better to have no pain relief during labour. I just can't get my head round that one at all.