OH wants to separate but wont move out of the house

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

I have found myself in a tricky situation.
OH of 11 years has decided we have drifted apart based on his work and shifts and he doesnt see me often. He wants to end the relationship although he sounds confused and for the past week has stayed in the spare room. We have a 2 year old son.
Last night I asked how he felt (Ive not begged him to stay or change his mind, I cant make him want me) and he said he still "didnt know". Ive gone from being devastated, to anxiety, then feeling sorry for him but now Im really really p*ssed off.
The thing is he wont move out of the house as he says (a) he cant find anywhere else to go and (b) he cant afford a deposit to rent elsewhere. I dont want to be in the same house as someone who doesnt want to be with me. I dont know what to do...as I think he is shuffling his feet as well while he is still paying for half the mortgage (joint mortgage). I feel like packing his bags and leaving them outside and changing the locks OR putting on his facebook page an appeal for him to sleep on someone else's sofa! I appreciate he has told me the truth about his feelings but I cant cope with him here all the time (well when he isnt working). I dont know what to do...

Sublime_2

You can't continue as you are. Perhaps you could sell the house, divide the proceeds, and move into rented accomodation?

Neither of you will be able to move on, while you're under each others feet.

Good luck. I know where you are coming from.

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

The house is already on the market but we have had no viewings whatsoever and had planned to take it off the market until a few years down the line. We could reduce the price and make no profit from it, a clean break so to speak...I could afford to keep it on if he gave me half the mortgage and loan payment.

Sublime_2

Could you not go on the housing list, if you couldn't afford to live there any longer, and your ex stay in the house? Just a thought.

DUTR

Miss_Orangey_Goodness wrote: »

The house is already on the market but we have had no viewings whatsoever and had planned to take it off the market until a few years down the line. We could reduce the price and make no profit from it, a clean break so to speak...I could afford to keep it on if he gave me half the mortgage and loan payment.

Why would he want to do that, I agree you are in a difficult situation, whilst he could move out, you have that option too

System

Miss_Orangey_Goodness wrote: »

The thing is he wont move out of the house

And why should he? It is a joint mortgage so he has the same rights as you to live in the house. To turn the question on its head, why don't/won't you move out?

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

!!!!!! wrote: »

And why should he? It is a joint mortgage so he has the same rights as you to live in the house. To turn the question on its head, why don't/won't you move out?

1. Im not the one who is unhappy and wants to leave.
2. I have our 2 yr old son - its not practical for me and our son to go and stay on someone elses couch

Also - if it came to it I probably would as I cant go on in the same house. Its not going to be good for our child though is it...

Sublime_2

You stand a good chance of getting priority on the housing register, due to having a young child, and leaving your home because of a relationship breakdown.

Your ex probably wouldn't be able to get anything. I think you both need to sit down, and discuss this sensibly. Perhaps seek some advice?

DUTR

Miss_Orangey_Goodness wrote: »

1. Im not the one who is unhappy and wants to leave.
2. I have our 2 yr old son - its not practical for me and our son to go and stay on someone elses couch

Also - if it came to it I probably would as I cant go on in the same house. Its not going to be good for our child though is it...

You are unhappy though, you can't say you relish the situation you are all in.
Does the son not belong to both of you?
Sleeping on a couch is not good for anybody, but in practice you will have much more chance of obtaining somewhere to live than your partner.

clairec79

From what little you have posted, he wants to know if you still love him, he says he's unsure you've drifted apart maybe you should split and you've just gone 'fine if that's what you want' not tried to find out what's happened to make him feel this way and not suggested ways you can work at it and said you still love him.

I'm not saying beg him to stay but relationships take work

mountainofdebt

tbh (to me at least) it sounds as if your OH is making excuses ....there have been times when hubby and I have hardly seen each other becuase of work but we're still here and I'm sure that other couples have been like passing ships in the night as well.

As for you not moving out because you have a 2yr old...you're wrong. You and your OH have a 2yr old son.

What it sounds you BOTH need to do, is to sit down - without your son being in the house - and have a good frank discussion about the future.

Why was the house on the market ? Was this due to his admission or someother reason?