OH wants to separate but wont move out of the house

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

Sublime wrote: »

I see where you're coming from now. Hope OP gets this sorted out. Couldn't she get on the housing list though for being forced out of the home due to a relationship breakdown, as her ex isn't moving.

She can but she won't get any priority.

I've been on the housing list since I split with my husband in 2006.

There is pretty much a zero chance of getting a house in my Town but then it depends where you live & the stock levels of social housing left.

DUTR

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I totally agree.

However the OP seems think that its perfectly reasonable (whoever is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage) that her OH wil pay half of the joint loan and half the mortgage and still be able to rent / buy somewhere else to live not forgetting that maintenance will still be expected (as is right) for the son?

Would you still think that this was reasonable if the OP was a man?

As I said before it sounds to me that there is someone else involved and that the OP and her OH needs to have a frank and honest discussion and not tippy toe around each other.

People don't have affairs for no apparent reason, if the restaurant is not serving up the favourite dish, why not go elsewhere?

Sublime_2

Breast_Cancer_Survivor wrote: »

She can but she won't get any priority.

I've been on the housing list since I split with my husband in 2006.

There is pretty much a zero chance of getting a house in my Town but then it depends where you live & the stock levels of social housing left.

My ex moved out, and I wasn't able to afford the house we were renting, which effectively made me homeless. Thats what gave me priority, I experienced 6 months of hell on earth to get where I am now.

Not something I would wish on anyone.

Valli

Person_one wrote: »

The OP is the primary carer for a small child who does not deserve to be uprooted to stay on a friend's sofa.

Also, some people (myself included) feel that the party responsible for a current difficult situation should bear more of the consequences of their actions than their 'victim'.

I'm with you on this one actually.
The Ops partner has dropped a bombshell - he should look for somewhere, even if only temporarily.

And the OP would find it VERY difficult to get on a housing list, given than she is named on a mortgage.

DUTR

Valli wrote: »

I'm with you on this one actually.
The Ops partner has dropped a bombshell - he should look for somewhere, even if only temporarily.

And the OP would find it VERY difficult to get on a housing list, given than she is named on a mortgage.

So the OP could relinquish her half of the mortgage and find somewhere else to live, or let her partner go, forfeiting his obligation to pay his half of a mortgage for a home he is not living in, suddenly these csa contributions don't look so attractive and can only depend on his good nature to offer any extra (after his basic living requirments are made).

Valli

but he would have a FINANCIAL interest in the house, even if he were NOT living there.

DUTR

Valli wrote: »

but he would have a FINANCIAL interest in the house, even if he were NOT living there.

You and I know the idea is not far off ridiculous, they should sell up and cut their losses if they can't resolve their differences and issues, following your idea, it's not as if the OP would be in any great hurry to move out and get the house sold.
Sounds like many of you expect somebody else to pump up the tyres whilst you all get to ride the bike, sounds like the 'ex' has his head screwed on and won't be taken for a mug. :j

ellie101

DUTR wrote: »

People don't have affairs for no apparent reason, if the restaurant is not serving up the favourite dish, why not go elsewhere?

Or why not talk to your partner and say you aren't happy and why? Instead of disappearing to the spare room and say you can't make up your mind. I don't get why it's okay to have an affair because you are fed-up with work, your partner changing.

And yes, people do have affairs for no apparent reason. And it can be down to something in themselves and the way they are.

ford_prefect_3

A couple of objective points to consider:

1: Its a jointly owned house with no occupation order in place so if you change the locks you have to give him a key, he has a right of occupancy in law.

2: If he pays the mortgage and half the bills and he still has a beneficial interest in the house then the CSA will not include those amounts and he will still pay the full 15% of his net earnings after tax, NI and Pension. It would be fiscal suicide for him to do that.

3: With a joint mortgage you are jointly and severely liable for the payments so if one party doesnt pay the other has to make up the difference, the mortgage company wants to see X every month, they dont care who it comes from.

and to the OP, if you want him to move out and get somewhere to live where your child can spend time with him how do you expect him to do that if he is paying your bills and half your housing costs as well as his own?

It does appear that he has told you his feelings (albeit probably in a male way which makes little sense) and you have simply said, righty ho, off you trot, dont let the door hit you on the backside on the way out but leave your wallet which may explain why he is a little confused.

DUTR

ellie101 wrote: »

Or why not talk to your partner and say you aren't happy and why? Instead of disappearing to the spare room and say you can't make up your mind. I don't get why it's okay to have an affair because you are fed-up with work, your partner changing.

And yes, people do have affairs for no apparent reason. And it can be down to something in themselves and the way they are.

yes there are a lot of situations, the op's partner could have met somebody new (however if he was already content at home then small chance of an affair occuring) , the OP could be so engrossed in the child, she has forgotten about her partner (all 3 of them have emotional needs) OR the OP has 'let herself go' and he no longer fancies her and hence is 'deciding' if he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone who only wants to give birth to children or doesn't want to be seen as his sole purpose in life is to pay half of the bills, perhaps the stress of modern day living and debts keeping up with the Jones' etc is taking it's toll, could be just a mid life crisis or 7 yr itch.
Whatever it is they both need to sort it out real soon, as there is a massive lifestyle change what awaits them.