OH wants to separate but wont move out of the house

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

DUTR wrote: »

You are unhappy though, you can't say you relish the situation you are all in.
Does the son not belong to both of you?
Sleeping on a couch is not good for anybody, but in practice you will have much more chance of obtaining somewhere to live than your partner.

No I am unhappy now this has come out however this has all come out of the blue - its a complete shock to me, I can honestly say I didnt see it coming. I have told him I love him, I dont know if there is more to it that I dont know (he says no else is involved).
I did say "our" son...but OH works shifts. I will be looking after our son so if I move out/stay put our son will be staying with me.

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

mountainofdebt wrote: »

tbh (

Why was the house on the market ? Was this due to his admission or someother reason?

Thank you
It was on the market as of last year as we had planned to move to a bigger, semi detatched house in a nicer area not too far from where we are now.

FATBALLZ

It's as much his house as yours. As much as you might not want to live with him he has every right to be there. I suggest you concentrate on selling it, or talk to the bank about buying him out.

DUTR

Miss_Orangey_Goodness wrote: »

No I am unhappy however this has all come out of the blue - its a complete shock to me, I can honestly say I didnt see it coming. I have told him I love him, I dont know if there is more to it that I dont know (he says no else is involved).
I did say "our" son...but OH works shifts. I will be looking after our son so if I move out/stay put our son will be staying with me.

My last GF had her young son go and live with the father (not her choice) and he works shifts, somehow he has found a way to manage the school runs and other tasks involved for a young boy, so things can happen where they need to.
I can tell anybody I love them, but meaning it is a different thing, btw I'm not attacking you, if he did move out, he would only need to fork up 15% net, the mortgage and all the other bills will be down to you, he need not have any morals about it, but then if you are saying if he coughed up half the mortgage and bills you could stay, as others have said, you both need to discuss this until a positive resolve is achieved, otherwise we can all picture a sorry situation which many post about here and elsewhere on the forum

soupdragon10

Have you thought of going to relate? It may be that your OH is confused about how he feels, or may even be depressed in some way which is making him try to make sense of how he feels.

Is there a possibility of you getting assistance like this? If not possibly going to visit relatives or friends for a few days to give you a bit of distance and perspective?

Breaking up a relationship when you have a young child is a very big step, and it sounds as though there may be underlying issues for your OH that he is unable to verbalise.

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

DUTR wrote: »

My last GF had her young son go and live with the father (not her choice) and he works shifts, somehow he has found a way to manage the school runs and other tasks involved for a young boy, so things can happen where they need to.
I can tell anybody I love them, but meaning it is a different thing, btw I'm not attacking you, if he did move out, he would only need to fork up 15% net, the mortgage and all the other bills will be down to you, he need not have any morals about it, but then if you are saying if he coughed up half the mortgage and bills you could stay, as others have said, you both need to discuss this until a positive resolve is achieved, otherwise we can all picture a sorry situation which many post about here and elsewhere on the forum

Son cant stay with OH, he just wouldnt have the time for him, he works like am-5pm 3 days, 1 day off, then 9pm-7am for 3 days so he is in bed catching up on his sleep.
I only would have expected him to pay half of the mortgage and half of the joint loan we have, I understand I would pay all bills. I think I will book in with a mortgage adviser and see where we go from there. Thanks for your time.

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

soupdragon10 wrote: »

Have you thought of going to relate? It may be that your OH is confused about how he feels, or may even be depressed in some way which is making him try to make sense of how he feels.

Is there a possibility of you getting assistance like this? If not possibly going to visit relatives or friends for a few days to give you a bit of distance and perspective?

Breaking up a relationship when you have a young child is a very big step, and it sounds as though there may be underlying issues for your OH that he is unable to verbalise.

Thank you - I havent heard of Relate, is that counselling? I will google it. I will suggest this to him. He said he has nowhere to go but I dont think he has even tried (hence why I sneakily want to advertise on facebook lol).

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

Relate - is this a free service? If not, do you know how much sessions are?

DUTR

Miss_Orangey_Goodness wrote: »

Son cant stay with OH, he just wouldnt have the time for him, he works like am-5pm 3 days, 1 day off, then 9pm-7am for 3 days so he is in bed catching up on his sleep.
I only would have expected him to pay half of the mortgage and half of the joint loan we have, I understand I would pay all bills. I think I will book in with a mortgage adviser and see where we go from there. Thanks for your time.

Is that would or would not?
With due respect, would anyone want to be paying for a mortgage if they were not enjoying the the 'thrill' of living in their home or recieving income from rent etc, the emotional side is difficult but the financial side cannot be ignored until the house is sold and debts paid off

soupdragon10

Relate is a specialist relationship service, http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

not sure what their charges are but there is a charges section on their website. Pretty sure it's negotiable depending on your circumstances.