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OH wants to separate but wont move out of the house
Comments
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The OP is the mother of a 2 year old child - that is why she should not pack her bags and go!
It would also appear that although she works full-time, he works spasmodically - does that sound like a reliable person? Not in my books!
I think your gender is clouding your judgement!0 -
I think that the OP has to separate the rights and wrongs of the relationship issues from the financial situation.
It would be unrealistic and unreasonable to expect the ex to pay half the mortgage and loan on permanent basis, as well as child support in addition to not having his equity released from the property and to be able to afford to buy or rent himself alternative accommodation. If this is the outcome that the OP thinks she is entitled to, then I think she is likely to have a harsh wake-up! As far as I am aware, there is no legal way to screw over someone financially as revenge for them having hurt you emotionally. Finances and relationship issues are separate!
When it comes down to the living arrangements there are several options:
-the OP can afford to buy her husband out based on her own income and 15% of his net income child support, with no further payments from him towards the mortgage. (I believe a court could order for the ex to leave some or all of his equity in the house until the child is 18, but I'm not entirely sure, you'd need to see a solicitor to confirm that) She and the child then stay in the house, and ex finds alternative accomodation.
- the OP's ex can afford to buy her out, based on 85% of his net salary. He would need to give her half (probably) of the equity in the house, and cover the mortgage fully himself. The OP and her son take the equity, and find themselves alternative accomodation.
-neither OP nor ex can afford to keep the house on independently of each other - the house has to be sold, and both the OP and ex find themselves alternative accomodation. They have half the equity in the house each to use as a deposit for another mortgage or a rental.
OP, you need to see a solicitor if this relationship is definitely over.
In the meantime, from a moral (but not legal) standpoint, I do think it would be fair for the ex to move out for a few weeks, back to parents or a friends house, and keep paying his half of the mortgage, just to give you breathing space, but I don't believe he has any obligation to do so.
Good luck0 -
and he is the FATHER of a two year old child.
I think your gender is clouding your judgement!
..and how do you know my gender???
Having perused your previous posts, it is obvious that you are just intent on flaming on each and every subject that you post on - and therefore you are henceforth on my "IGNORE" list!0 -
..and how do you know my gender???
Having perused your previous posts, it is obvious that you are just intent on flaming on each and every subject that you post on - and therefore you are henceforth on my "IGNORE" list!
Because of the way you fail to construct a meaningful response.
I haven't flamed any situation at all. I have made constructive posts, which you should really attempt to do yourself at some point.0 -
The OP is the mother of a 2 year old child - that is why she should not pack her bags and go!
It would also appear that although she works full-time, he works spasmodically - does that sound like a reliable person? Not in my books!
I just had a back read and it appears the OP's partner works six days out of seven doing shifts!
I hate to think what your standards are for someone to be "reliable", do they have to work 8 days out of 7 with no sleep?0 -
OP - there seems to be plenty of conjecture in some of these posts as to who/what/when - so maybe some clarification might be of assistance in you obtaining some constructive advice.
A few questions:-
1. Are you married?
2. Do you work?
3. Do either you or your partner have family living nearby?
4. Is the mortgage a joint mortgage and do both your names appear on the land registry documents?
5. Have you seen a solicitor/spoken to CAB/your local Housing Authority/asked for advice anywhere other than on an internet forum?0 -
I havent been able to log on to sooner so thanks for your time. We had been trying to work things out (OH and I) and we are going to book counseling at Relate although we are still in separate rooms and I’m not sure how things will pan out.
I would like to clear up some things….
When I typed my original post I was upset/hurt/full of anxiety and just wanted him to be gone out of the house. I can see where you are coming from those that say “its his house too” and I would understand that if it was just the two of us involved, but there isn’t, there is our two year old son who I look after the majority due to partner’s shifts.
First I would like to point out that if I move out then YES I would be paying for half the sodding mortgage because it is the same as the LOAN as its owed by both of us and if I would expect half of the profit of the house. Also it is what he initially offered to do - pay half the mortgage and the loan if he were to move out. Im not unreasonable, I can see your point that he wouldn’t be able to afford two places but I think he can, I can move to my parents and stay in their living room but I don’t drive, its far from our son’s nursery and I don’t have any friends nearby. OH does. I have a 2 year old to look after. Do you honestly think its practical? For those that say its BOTH our child - yes it is but I care for him the most of the time he isn’t in nursery…
AND I wasn’t going to go and claim child maintenance or whatever it is called, I don’t want to have to go down that route….
Yes I do still think OH should move out if he is not happy (depending on how Relate go) as I don’t think its reasonable to expect myself and my son to move into someone’s living room. If he stays then we face the risk of bringing our son up in an argumentative environment, something I am very conscious of yet OH isn‘t. And I will be seeking legal advice if we cant work it out. I really am not self-centred and selfish as you suspect Blitz….I think that was a totally unfair comment you made.
To answer other questions - I work 4 days a week 9-4pm/I haven’t “let myself go” and OH isn’t having an affair, I think the crux is he may be depressed with his work. I am hoping he will open up more at the counseling sessions and we can go from there….Single working mummy to 3 year old cheeky monkey DFD: July 2016 - Tesco Loan [STRIKE]£14,000[/STRIKE] £13,490 / Owe dad ([STRIKE]£500[/STRIKE]£450 / Very account £[STRIKE]70[/STRIKE]60 / Overdraft £270 = Total (Jul11 [STRIKE]£14,940[/STRIKE] Now £14,300 (Paid off £670) Need to lose 14lb (3/14) (currently [STRIKE]11st12[/STRIKE] 11st9) Deseparately need a holiday for 2012 (£0/£1000) - Car Fund (£0/£1500) - Christmas Savings (£70)
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let us know how it goes and good luck i hope you oh can pull himself together and apoligise to you for stressing you out and making you really worried. x0
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You believe your husband is suffering from depression. Have you considered that he needs your full support? Depression is an illness and it can have serious consequences.
One way of supporting him is to encourage him to seek help from his GP as soon as possible.0 -
Havent read all of the postings.
Surely this is a simple matter?
Are you married? i ask but it is hardly relevant save for that you may proceed as if you are married,that is to say,you stay in the house and he pays to provide a roof for you and your child. Meanwhile he has every legal right to stay in the house. Whether this is tolerable or not is up to you both.Feudal Britain needs land reform. 70% of the land is "owned" by 1 % of the population and at least 50% is unregistered (inherited by landed gentry). Thats why your slave box costs so much..0
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