OH wants to separate but wont move out of the house

paulwellerfan

relate is not totally free as they do ask for a donation- maybe 20-00 a session.
(well thats what they asked me 10 years ago.)

mountainofdebt

Miss_Orangey_Goodness wrote: »

I only would have expected him to pay half of the mortgage and half of the joint loan we have, I understand I would pay all bills. I think I will book in with a mortgage adviser and see where we go from there. Thanks for your time.

If this is the proposal that you have put to your OH, then I can understand why he hasn't moved out.

From what you seem to be saying you would expect him to pay half the joint loan (fair enough) but also half the mortgage on a property that he isn't living in as well as (I presume) provide support for your son.

Realistically speaking, how would you expect him to rent if this option was followed.

Personally I don't think its a mortgage adviser you need to speak to, I think its either relate or a solicitor.

Person_one

I'm surprised that the responses to the OP have been so unsympathetic.

She's in an 11 year relationship that she thinks is happy, has a two year old child and plans to move the whole family to a nice new home together.

Suddenly the rug is pulled from under her and she's expected to be instantly on board with the idea of either leaving her home to go into LA housing, sharing it with the person who's hurting her badly and possibly even giving up on living with her child full time?

I think the decent thing for her partner to do would be to stay somewhere else for a bit (has he got no friends or family?) and continue to pay for his family's home at least until things are more sorted and settled.

Person_one

mountainofdebt wrote: »

If this is the proposal that you have put to your OH, then I can understand why he hasn't moved out.

From what you seem to be saying you would expect him to pay half the joint loan (fair enough) but also half the mortgage on a property that he isn't living in as well as (I presume) provide support for your son.

Realistically speaking, how would you expect him to rent if this option was followed.

Personally I don't think its a mortgage adviser you need to speak to, I think its either relate or a solicitor.

A mortgage in joint names is just another joint loan.

DUTR

Person_one wrote: »

I'm surprised that the responses to the OP have been so unsympathetic.

She's in an 11 year relationship that she thinks is happy, has a two year old child and plans to move the whole family to a nice new home together.

Suddenly the rug is pulled from under her and she's expected to be instantly on board with the idea of either leaving her home to go into LA housing, sharing it with the person who's hurting her badly and possibly even giving up on living with her child full time?

I think the decent thing for her partner to do would be to stay somewhere else for a bit (has he got no friends or family?) and continue to pay for his family's home at least until things are more sorted and settled.

Help me here, as I cannot see why it is the decent thing to do, has the OP got no friends she can stop with for a while, I'm not clear on why the option is any different.

Person_one

DUTR wrote: »

Help me here, as I cannot see why it is the decent thing to do, has the OP got no friends she can stop with for a while, I'm not clear on why the option is any different.

The OP is the primary carer for a small child who does not deserve to be uprooted to stay on a friend's sofa.

Also, some people (myself included) feel that the party responsible for a current difficult situation should bear more of the consequences of their actions than their 'victim'.

janeawej

I think you both need some legal advice and would suggest you speak to a solicitor as soon as posible, also I expect a break from each other would probably be good for both of you, however obviously neither of you want to leave the house even for a few days as you worry you will not get back in again, Relate is a good idea, there may be some underlying issues that you dont know about, and talking with an objective person is always a good thing to do, even if the relationship does split up at least you may be able to sort things put amicably. It is hard to go your own way, however not impossible, I was thrown out with 4 children all under 10 years of age and managed to survive, rent a house etc, it wasnt easy but it was possible. Get legal advice first, then take things from there

laurenjs88

compeltly agree with person-one, if he's unhappy he should leave.
No decent man would expect the mother and child to sleep on the floor elsewhere because he has decided he wants out.

When my father left, he left signed his half of the house over to my mum and paid his share of the joint bills, child support and towards the mortgage untill it was all paid off apart from child support.

He was never much of a Dad to me, but he has good values.

DUTR

Person_one wrote: »

The OP is the primary carer for a small child who does not deserve to be uprooted to stay on a friend's sofa.

Also, some people (myself included) feel that the party responsible for a current difficult situation should bear more of the consequences of their actions than their 'victim'.

Whilst they live in the same household, they are both the primary carers. Is it the blokes fault that he has perhaps fallen out of love?
Some people do get so wrapped up in looking after the children that they forget about the person they made the child with .
I hear what you say although I strongly disagree, the reasons I choose to co -habit with somebody, once those have drastically changed, then I would not be moving out of my own home and paying for anybody else to stay there at the expense of having no where to live myself.

faithcecilia

It seems ludicrous for anyone to be sleeping on a sofa when there is a perfectly good bed in the spare room! There are quite often posts on here where people are urging the (usually) woman to stay in the house if she is on the mortgage because she has every right to, so surely that has to be the same with the man? I'm not suggesting it would be easy, but it would certainly be possible to live seperately but in one house, at least in the short term while the situation settles a bit.