Bullying partner? Comments pls

scooby088

I see that you said yourself that you stand up for yourself too, which is always a good thing but could your behaviour be seen as bullying too? Have you asked your OH why he say's the things he does? rather than come on a public forum. Like has been said before maybe things are going on in his life which sees him take the stress and stuff out on his nearest and dearest ie YOU.

You do seem unhappy, does your OH say he is unhappy too, i think maybe by the comments he gives to you that does show in my opinion that he is.

viktory

scooby088 wrote: »

Why does everyone's advice consist of getting out of the relationship?

It is standard fare on MSE and frankly, it scares me. I have seen men be accused of bullying, harassment, abuse and general domestic violence on here on the basis of one post/thread or one person's opinion. Bit like now really. How can anyone possibly judge whether the OP's partner is a bully or not - we certainly don't have information on this thread so far. The comment re food wastage is thoughtless but hardly bullying - yet someone has seen fit to say that fear for the OP!! Really, talk about mass hysteria.

photogifts

We do have only the one side of the story and may or may not be true reflection of the situation,we know in this world there is partners who can get violent and seriously hurt there partners from rape to killing so therefore for the safety of the partner who post people tend to support this action of leaving as we don't know how it could go

it takes alot of guts for someone to post and they are already sensitive enough plenty of doubts we just have to give them benifet that they know there partner as spent x amount of years with them so they should know them better than us

And yes it might seem rash people advising to leave but if this partner was shown that there partner was serious about leaving because of it it is then in there court to change there ways and it doesn't mean to say when people advise to leave that its going to happen the person might change error of there ways

meritaten

photogifts wrote: »

We do have only the one side of the story and may or may not be true reflection of the situation,we know in this world there is partners who can get violent and seriously hurt there partners from rape to killing so therefore for the safety of the partner who post people tend to support this action of leaving as we don't know how it could go

it takes alot of guts for someone to post and they are already sensitive enough plenty of doubts we just have to give them benifet that they know there partner as spent x amount of years with them so they should know them better than us

And yes it might seem rash people advising to leave but if this partner was shown that there partner was serious about leaving because of it it is then in there court to change there ways and it doesn't mean to say when people advise to leave that its going to happen the person might change error of there ways

This is a good point - My OH says he thought everything was fine in the marraige until he recieved the divorce papers. Fine?????? when we argued constantly, he was always putting me down (as I saw it) and was dictatorial and bullying (or taking care of the little woman as HE saw it). two totally opposing views of the SAME situation! but, when we finally talked like two adults, calmly and not allowing one to talk over the other (something we are BOTH guilty of on times) then we reached a real understanding which we could build on. I am not saying our marraige is perfect - whose is? but we do care deeply about each other and try not to forget that in the daily petty annoyances. The divorce papers did however act as a catalyst in my OH finally seeking medical help for his depression - and his GP was absolutely wonderful - he didnt like her previously, but he rather adores her now - credits her with saving his sanity and our marraige! So on reading Pearls post I did sort of identify with it - and wondered if her OH was related to mine!

Juicyloo

Oh gosh, this sounds so like my situation, but in a slighty different way. I remember going to the checkout on a family shop and him huffing and puffing- never ever helped me unload the trolley or pack, and then me being worried he wasn't going to pay!!! He controlled al the finances!

holgate79

The most important thing in all this is how the comments make you feel - if they make your heart sink, and you've pointed this out to him already, then he needs to make an effort to stop making the comments.

If he doesn't, that shows a lack of respect for you - if you continue to sleep in the same bed as this man / have a relationship with him then you are showing a lack of respect for yourself.

I'm not intending to be harsh here, just hindsight from someone who has been there in the past.

My life is way better now then it was then - in fact my life is completely different :-)

candygirl

How are you hun?Please give us an update x:A

goodgirl80

In the end, the ins and outs, do's and don'ts, rights and wrongs of his behaviour are irrelevant. If YOU are unhappy (whatever he does or doesn't do), it's up to YOU to do something about it.