Bullying partner? Comments pls

scooby088

Why does everyone's advice consist of getting out of the relationship? I think it is rather premature as we are only reading one side of the story here, we never really read a balanced view. How can anyone say that looking in the fridge at the end of the week to ensure theres no wastage be bullying. How can having a row at the checkout be called bullying?

pupsicola

pearl123 wrote: »

I've been aware for sometime that my partner is awfuly bulling. I had a awful Xmas due to him laying down the law.

We all read this bit

Sambucus_Nigra

scooby088 wrote: »

I think it is rather premature as we are only reading one side of the story here, we never really read a balanced view.

That's because only one partner usually posts. If it were both sides of the story then what would be the point of asking for outside opinions, they may as well just chat amongst themselves.

AKA

No sh1.t Sherlock.

pearl123

Todays episode really ground me down and upset me.
He says things like "from what I've seen so far you're not a woman". Alot of what he does seems to be him underminding my role as a woman. I was wearing one of those casual craighopper stye zip fleeses in the house the other day. The gym type. They zip about 3 inches below the neck. He came home and one of the first things he did was pull at it saying I was showing too much flesh. I don't come from any cultural background where this should be a problem. I suppose I'm just getting more and more depressed by it all. I also given him alot of warnings about his verbal abuse. I actually don't beliveve he would be voilent, as this reletionship is nearly 4 years old and I would have thought that if it was to evolve it would have done by now.
I asked everyones opinion because in the end one begins to wonder if one is sane or being unreasonable.

I really don't waste food and thought todays comments were outrageous. It just seems more of the same. I know what I should do, because he's not going to change and to be honest he's now continually so unpleasant with me - I can't see the point of him being around.

RainbowChild_2

Abusers do make you question if it is you that is in the wrong and it seems that's what is happening here Pearl. However, as I said earlier I think you are answering your own questions and know deep down what you must do as hard as it seems right now.

consultant31

If your best friend came to you with this problem, what would you tell her to do with regards to the relationship? I'm betting you'd tell her to leave him, yes?

Even if he never hits you, it IS bullying and it IS abuse - why would you want to put up with it?

RainbowChild_2

consultant31 wrote: »

If your best friend came to you with this problem, what would you tell her to do with regards to the relationship? I'm betting you'd tell her to leave him, yes?

Even if he never hits you, it IS bullying and it IS abuse - why would you want to put up with it?

You make a very good point consultant31

pupsicola

pearl123 wrote: »

Todays episode really ground me down and upset me.
He says things like "from what I've seen so far you're not a woman". Alot of what he does seems to be him underminding my role as a woman. I was wearing one of those casual craighopper stye zip fleeses in the house the other day. The gym type. They zip about 3 inches below the neck. He came home and one of the first things he did was pull at it saying I was showing too much flesh. I don't come from any cultural background where this should be a problem. I suppose I'm just getting more and more depressed by it all. I also given him alot of warnings about his verbal abuse. I actually don't beliveve he would be voilent, as this reletionship is nearly 4 years old and I would have thought that if it was to evolve it would have done by now.
I asked everyones opinion because in the end one begins to wonder if one is sane or being unreasonable.

I really don't waste food and thought todays comments were outrageous. It just seems more of the same. I know what I should do, because he's not going to change and to be honest he's now continually so unpleasant with me - I can't see the point of him being around.

I was with my ex for 14 years. The last 5 of which I suffered mental and physical abuse. It can happen at anytime. I didn't believe my ex could have become as abusive as he did. There are things you have told us your ex has said to you that ring alarm bells with me. Little by little he is chipping away at you, knocking your self confidence. That isn't the actions of someone who loves and cares for you and has your best interests at heart

The remark he made of "from what Ive seen so far you're not a woman" is dispicable. How exactly does he view you then?

Would you put up with this treatment from anybody else? No of course you wouldn't. We all deserve to be treated better by our partners than anyone else. He is treating you appallingly and it will only get worse.

Have some self respect and tell him where to go

mum2twinsx2

pearl123 wrote: »

Todays episode really ground me down and upset me.
He says things like "from what I've seen so far you're not a woman". Alot of what he does seems to be him underminding my role as a woman. I was wearing one of those casual craighopper stye zip fleeses in the house the other day. The gym type. They zip about 3 inches below the neck. He came home and one of the first things he did was pull at it saying I was showing too much flesh. I don't come from any cultural background where this should be a problem. I suppose I'm just getting more and more depressed by it all. I also given him alot of warnings about his verbal abuse. I actually don't beliveve he would be voilent, as this reletionship is nearly 4 years old and I would have thought that if it was to evolve it would have done by now.
I asked everyones opinion because in the end one begins to wonder if one is sane or being unreasonable.

I really don't waste food and thought todays comments were outrageous. It just seems more of the same. I know what I should do, because he's not going to change and to be honest he's now continually so unpleasant with me - I can't see the point of him being around.

After living with a bully for six years, i can see where your coming from. He was a critic. I did nothing right in his eyes.
If i ever approached him about why he was like this with me he would just put me down even more telling me i was paranoid and all in my head :mad:.
i packed his stuff up and put all in garage while he was at work, and wrote down a speech for when he came home and told him to go. [Not in such a nice term though:rotfl:]
I think your happiness comes first and your not being unreasonable. x

bikerfrenzy

this is worrying becaus my ex said i bullied her and i never realised i was doing it..she used to tell me about the trouble she was having but in my efforts to get to the root cause and maybe help her to change the things she didn't like she said i controlled her..I hate to see anybody struggle least of all the person i love the most...try and talk about it to him and see if he can maybe relax a bit in the knowlege that you are not a wasteful person...at least give him a chance to do something about his bullying because i bet he loves you loads