Bullying partner? Comments pls

pupsicola

(((pearl))) you are a capable and intelligient woman and you are seeing him for what he is. Not easy. If you think it will help then have a chat with him tomorrow. I tried that with my ex though and he exploded. I tried to keep it very calm and just told him how I felt about what had been going on. He said I was disrespecting him and he couldn't handle it. More like I touched a nerve and the truth hurt.

Dont take any nonsense from him you are worth more than that.

pearl123

I think tomorrow he will act like he always does. He will make excuses for his behaviour. And that will help my decision. I know that there is always and end to bullies

diable

The trouble with mental abuse is starts of slowly a comment here a dig there something condescending and you don't even know it or brush it of as a joke but in time it goes deeper and then it becomes insulting.

I would say that your other half is either suffering from a guilt complex or mental health issues and needs or will need professional help soon.

diable

I would also add be strong put your foot down and don't allow yourself to be bullied, undermined or put down as there are far too many women who are victims and think that it's their fault, its not its c0ck other halves that are at fault and `i am a bloke writing this.

tattycath

The problem is that it starts with the odd comment, then it moves on to belittling you, then being downright derogatory and eventually it could lead to physical violence-been there, done that. When i left my ex my self esteem was at rock bottom- I left him 10 years ago and had 6 years as a single parent, I'm now married to a wonderful man-leaving my ex was the best thing i could have done-If only i'd done it 3 years earlier!!! Only you know what goes on behind closed doors, but don't think he'll change because he won't. Leaving will be hard (if that's what you decide), but you'll be so much happier in the long run. ((hugs)) good luck with whatever you decide.

PS, The other problem with mental cruelty is that it's like brainwashing-if someone tells you something often enough you start to believe it.

diable

I agree with what tattycath posted but its yarn that will be posted over and over until you are strong enough to make the decision to think of yourselt and your nearest and walk away.

tattycath

diable wrote: »

I agree with what tattycath posted but its yarn that will be posted over and over until you are strong enough to make the decision to think of yourselt and your nearest and walk away.

Yes, that's right. At the end of the day when i was with my ex the world and his wife were full of advice but I only left when i felt it was right for me (when i was strong enough). In the end i had to leave for my own sanity and the safety of myself and a better environment for my children.

suited-aces

From OP, i wasn't sure, seemed like an isolated incident with someone who's a bit too careful with pennies, but as more and more info has came to light, it's becoming apparent that it's deeply unhealthy. At the very least you need to issue an ultimatum about his behaviour, and mean it, or you may have to bypass that and just leave.

candygirl

He sounds like a complete cockerel, and wont ever get any better.Take it from someone who has lived it more times than normal:(

pupsicola

I've been thinking about your situation pearl. What you partner is doing to you is awful. Okay so as yet he hasn't physically hurt you. I think that emotional abuse is as bad if not worse though. By undermining and humiliating you constantly he is gradually stripping you of your confidence and identity.

Abuse is about control. He is doing this because fundamentally he is a weak man with huge insecurities. He reflects all his failings and disappointments with himself and his life onto you. Then he doesn't have to take responsibility for what a looser he is.

By trying to destroy you he (and only he) sees it that you are no better than him and he can cope with that. The thought of you leaving him, finding someone else and being loved by that person would tear him apart. My ex once said to me that if I ever got involved with someone else he would kill himself. He couldn't answer me when I said "why, you dont love me anymore you threw me away".