long term relationship v marriage

skypie123_2

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I am somewhat confused as to how you have a husband and are also in a relationship with someone else? Does your husband know that you are having an affair and what are his feelings about this?

I think from her user name that Poly is polygamous although I am not 100%

Tropez

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You just go on being ruder and ruder, just because you're not prepared to admit you're wrong!

No, absolutely, you're right. I'm not going to say that I'm wrong, because I know what I was told and in all honesty due to the fact that I was told this in a private, friendly discussion, in a coffee shop in one of the midwest states of the US I cannot, at least not with any degree of ease, provide evidence to backup what I said.

I will, however, apologise for the way in which I relayed that to you. I was overtly blunt and I should have just said where I was told this to begin with. It is no excuse, I shall admit, as this does not pertain to you but I am having a rather difficult day due to the ineptitude of a client failing to maintain his records and a colleague who has decided to pull a sickie and so while I do not credit myself with any great degree of tact, I will acknowledge that I let my frustrations at the real world more than affect the way in which I responded to you, and several others. I did not decide to be rude but having read back what I did say I can quite easily understand why you considered it to be such.

I, of course, expect no forgiveness but I do apologise to you sincerely, and as it is Monday, wish you all the best for the week ahead.

Oldernotwiser

Tropez wrote: »

No, absolutely, you're right. I'm not going to say that I'm wrong, because I know what I was told and in all honesty due to the fact that I was told this in a private, friendly discussion, in a coffee shop in one of the midwest states of the US I cannot, at least not with any degree of ease, provide evidence to backup what I said.

I will, however, apologise for the way in which I relayed that to you. I was overtly blunt and I should have just said where I was told this to begin with. It is no excuse, I shall admit, as this does not pertain to you but I am having a rather difficult day due to the ineptitude of a client failing to maintain his records and a colleague who has decided to pull a sickie and so while I do not credit myself with any great degree of tact, I will acknowledge that I let my frustrations at the real world more than affect the way in which I responded to you, and several others. I did not decide to be rude but having read back what I did say I can quite easily understand why you considered it to be such.

I, of course, expect no forgiveness but I do apologise to you sincerely, and as it is Monday, wish you all the best for the week ahead.

OK, fair enough. Hope the week gets better for you.

Poly,put_the_kettle_on

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I am somewhat confused as to how you have a husband and are also in a relationship with someone else? Does your husband know that you are having an affair and what are his feelings about this?

...which provides an example of where the problems occur. I created this AE so (as the previous poster mentioned) the clue would be in the name. We're in what can best be described (again, there's not quite the right word) as a polyamorous relationship. The dictionary describes affairs as dozens of different things; we don't view it as such, because there is no element of duplicity involved. Everyone else is free to view it as they will.

Tropez

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

OK, fair enough. Hope the week gets better for you.

Thank you. Normally I am a lot more relaxed. Alas, working from home in a generally relaxing environment does not provide adequate stress tests for days like today.

I snapped a string on my new guitar earlier. Luckily I have spares so that my partner won't notice and snap my spine in return!

Torry_Quine

Poly,put_the_kettle_on wrote: »

...which provides an example of where the problems occur. I created this AE so (as the previous poster mentioned) the clue would be in the name. We're in what can best be described (again, there's not quite the right word) as a polyamorous relationship. The dictionary describes affairs as dozens of different things; we don't view it as such, because there is no element of duplicity involved. Everyone else is free to view it as they will.

Thanks for the explanation. I am somewhat enlightened but have never come across such a set-up before. Glad it works for you but I suspect and hope you are in the minority.

ViolaLass

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I am somewhat confused as to how you have a husband and are also in a relationship with someone else? Does your husband know that you are having an affair and what are his feelings about this?

Wow, I wouldn't have asked. In the context of this thread, is it any of your business?

Torry_Quine

ViolaLass wrote: »

Wow, I wouldn't have asked. In the context of this thread, is it any of your business?

As they raised it they are opening themself up to questions which they happily answered.

JC9297

After over 20 years and 2 children we use partner, as boyfriend/girlfriend just seems wrong. However partner is a bit business like but seems to be the most suitable description. I don't correct someone if they call him my husband if it is not relevant, but I would never introduce him as that. Hubby and wifey are so twee I wouldn't dream of using them married or not!
Returning to the OP I don't think it matters, as marital status is not what makes a relationship succeed.

ViolaLass

Torry_Quine wrote: »

As they raised it they are opening themself up to questions which they happily answered.

I dispute that your questions were appropriate and your value judgment of their choice is, IMO, really inappropriate, especially given what this thread has been about (people's reactions to other people's choices when the choices don't affect those making the judgments).