long term relationship v marriage

Tropez

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

If you are not ashamed to tell people that you are un-married then why do you refer to your partner as your Hubby?

Obviously the OP might have her own reasons but "hubby" was originally used (and still is in some places, such as parts of the US) as slang to identify an unmarried woman's boyfriend as either having the qualities of a spouse, or being potential husband material. It is only relatively recently that its usage has more commonly come to refer to a husband in a marriage.

skypie123_2

Hmm and there was me thinking hubby was short for husband.
Anyway we aren't is the US we are in the UK.

building_with_lego

Plus you have the issue of what to call each other- 'partner' makes my OH edgy in case people think I'm another man (!) and 'girlfriend'/ 'boyfriend' doesn't convey the level of commitment we have.

Interesting thread. I wonder if part of the "issue" in the OP is that some couples have discussed marriage and commitment while others don't. For example we are extremely unlikely to marry unless one of us is desperately ill (inheritance tax...) but we have and do discuss the future, have made wills to protect the children and each other and are committed without the ring, paper and change of surname. Some couples don't get round to all that and muddle along together; are those the ones that are more likely to break up than married couples?

Oldernotwiser

Tropez wrote: »

Obviously the OP might have her own reasons but "hubby" was originally used (and still is in some places, such as parts of the US) as slang to identify an unmarried woman's boyfriend as either having the qualities of a spouse, or being potential husband material. It is only relatively recently that its usage has more commonly come to refer to a husband in a marriage.

I've never heard this before - perhaps you have a link?

minerva_windsong

I'd be telling these so-called friends to mind their own business. They're not your friends if that's what they think of how you're living your life and they're saying it to your face.

Personally I see nothing wrong with having a committed long-term relationship as opposed to getting married. The only thing that's different is the amount of legal protection that married couples get, which has some bearing on why I want to get married, but my main reason is because I want to make a commitment to my partner in front of people we both love. However every couple is different and others might express that level of commitment through buying a house or having children, neither of which is better or worse than the commitment represented by getting married in my view.

balletshoes

I too always thought hubby was short for husband - don't like the term though and wouldn't use it myself (I am married).

OP its nobody else's business whether you choose to marry or not, a 20-year relationship is clearly a long term and committed one, and that should be obvious to anyone. I personally can't be doing with the attitude that getting a marriage certificate means you've achieved the ultimate in long-term commitment - thats only the start of the journey in a lot of cases.

charlie792

I have to admit I understand the OP's point and I too am somewhat bugged by peoples opinions (maybe I shouldn't be) but I can't stand referring to my partner as 'boyfriend' anymore - we've been together for 3 years, and live together as if we were married -I can't help but feel the term 'boyfriend' feels so unserious and short term....
What I hate though is those who correct me, I was speaking to our estate agent and mentioned about 'my partner' and she turned round and said 'You mean your boyfriend'. Grr

birduk

But I see the word 'partner' as much more commited than 'boyfriend'. It means that you are in this together. You are partners in everything (finances, house, children, whatever). Boyfriend implies to me that what's yours is yours and whats his is his.

Some people do associate partner with a same sex relationship, but so what? Your partner can be male/female whatever.

Hubby for me means husband. I wouldn't like someone to refer to their partner as their husband, because they aren't. If you wanted him as your husband you should have married him.

Pee

I'd go for a long term relationship over a marriage any day. There is no indication that the marriage will be long term!

I have to say I don't like the word partner and we feel feel fairly comfortable when other people refer to us as husband or wife. It's something we have discussed and would both be willing to do if the other weas really into it, but we both happen to be very anti.

It might be people who are married trying to convince themselves that there is something special about this status, and it is true that it changes legal rights so it is something people should consider properly. Mind you the amount of people who get married thinking that what is theirs stays theirs afterwards is shocking. People are just not properly informed.

Tropez

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I've never heard this before - perhaps you have a link?

As this is not something that I learned on the internet I don't believe it would be a productive use of my time (copious as it may be) to spend several hours searching for something in order to appease people on forums. However, not to be too belligerent I did do a quick Google search for 'hubby' and found the very first link was a link to the Urban Dictionary definition with both the first and third definitions validating what I said.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hubby

Of course, I have a feeling that an Urban Dictionary reference is not going to be sufficient enough - particularly as one person has already angrily stated We're not in the US and UD is an American website and is more representative of what "the kids" are saying, rather than any sort of authoritative source on the English language (be it British or American English). However, I think that, at least, as evidence that 'hubby' is used in some circles to refer to an unmarried partner this source is perfectly adequate. As for the history of the word itself, I just don't have the motivation to delve through the 58,000,000 results on a "history of the word hubby" particularly given that Google happily interchanges hubby and husband and using the +hubby search still comes up with over 10,000,000 results.

Now, the rest of this isn't specifically targetted at you OlderNotWiser, but to the others who have an issue with someone calling their unmarried partner 'hubby'...

I think the real point in this discussion is why are people so bothered about how a slang word is used by an individual they don't even know? 'Hubby' is slang. The fact that it found its way into the dictionary doesn't validate its existence (Homer Simpson's 'D'oh' appears in some dictionaries) nor does it mean that the definition of that word is set in stone. Anyone here remember when 'gay' meant joyous, happy etc.? Words evolve over times - even the word husband itself has gone through an evolution in meaning. Originally derived from the Norse language, husband originally referred to somebody who owned land - how many people on this forum have married landowners?

If the OP is happy using a word, for whom none of us can decide its true and final meaning as a term of endearment for her partner then good for her. Or should all terms of endearment come under scrutiny? I know a girl who calls her partner the oh-so-cliched "pumpkin" - he may overdo it with the fake tan at times but he isn't generally a small, round, orange vegetable but should we attack her for using a term of endearment that isn't strictly true?

Perhaps, rather than criticise the OP for doing something that makes it happy you should take a step back and ask yourselves, why on earth does it anger you what somebody else does? And why should that person cease doing something that makes her and her partner happy just to appease you?