MSE Parents Club Part 16

CL

I think watching brothers or sisters for 10 or 15 mins is part of being a family and older ones sometimes love doing it because it makes them feel grown up. PP sounds like what you experienced was very hard on you and like you were raising your siblings.

One of my best friends experienced this with 3 younger brothers. She is very kind and gentle and her mother was very hard work. She came into school crying one day because she had got her 3 brothers up for school, dressed them, got them breakfast and made their lunch. She then woke her mum for work. Her mum threw her slipper at her and called her a stupid b*t*h, because she didn't have time for a shower.

pigpen

At 8 when I lived with my dad I would give my brother and sister breakfast and point them in the direction of getting dressed before heading off to school.. my dad would often still be in bed at 3:30 when I got home! At 15 I went to my mothers and became the slave, or it felt that way. She once came in and yelled at me because I hadn't cut the chips right :eek: and after doing the usual stuff plus my homework I was dragged out of bed at 1am to wash the dishes.

Mine have to help out in the house if I ask them to, I don't ask a great deal of them.. picking up, filling rubbish bags, cleaning out their pets, vacuuming (which they argue over!) and loading the dishwasher, but I hate seeing children being made to take on parenting roles... like shown on tv with some of those families who churn out baby after baby and as the new one is born the last one is passed to a sibling to look after.. that is disgusting! the should be forcibly sterilised.. both parents! I am firmly of the opinion if you have them you look after them.

I don't think the older ones and younger ones being in the same room and making sure the younger ones don't eat air freshener or paint the TV with nail polish is looking after them it is keeping them out of mischief.

emlou2009

You have them, you look after them is a fair enough theory, but not always practical, especially if someone chooses to work for a living I only have the one child, he doesn't pay well enough to give up work.

pigpen

paying someone to look after them is completely different to palming them off on other children/neighbours/other relatives.. yo aren't taking advantage of them you are providing them with employment

Becles

I don't take advantage of my children or palm Charlotte off on them. I'm pretty annoyed by the insinuations you are making Pigpen. I'm a damn fine mother and you know fine well that I am.

My ex left home at 25 and married me straight from a house where his mother did everything for him. He didn't know simple things like how to change bed linen, how to use a washing machine, how to wash up, etc. I married him at 18 and felt more like his mother than his wife as he just hadn't a clue how to run a home.

I think it's important for children to muck in and help with household tasks when they are older as it gives them household skills and hopefully they will be self sufficient and able to look after themselves when they leave home.

pigpen

I never insinuated anything of the sort!! If you read the last paragraph I quite clearly put that children sitting in the same room is not them watching/minding them.. it is just .. sitting in the same room or playing together.. that is what siblings do.. it is no different to them playing in their room or the garden..

If you are in the house they are all being watched, by you surely.. you can hear what is going on about the house i'm sure.. my house is rather large and I can usually hear what they are all up to in their various places... though I am thinking of getting intercom systems fitted so I can yell at them on occasion without having to move lol.

Becles

Yes I can hear what is going on when they are playing, but I can't watch them if I'm not in the same room. For example if I leave them playing a game in the sitting room while I go off to cook tea, it's easier just letting them continue the game rather than fetching them all through to the kitchen. On the rare occasion Charlotte does decide to do something naughty or dangerous, the boys either intervene or call for me to come back and deal with it depending on the situation.

However when I suggested your bigger ones watch the little ones so you can put your feet up for a quick rest, you said:

pigpen wrote: »

I don't ever ask the older ones to watch the younger ones.. unless I desperately need a tesco run or a quick nip to shops or vets/docs etc... they aren't their responsibility they are mine and I would hate them to think when thy are adults that they raised each other.

You chose to have a huge family, so you must have known as you added more, the workload would get harder. You've already said that the ex doesn't help out much and you don't like your OH having to look after the children that are not his. I suggested the bigger ones helping out with the little ones but got my head bitten off.

If you need a rest, then you need to accept help from somewhere to let you rest. You can't do everything on your own and have a rest, as it just doesn't work like that. Been there, done that!

pigpen

you didn't get anything bitten off... believe me if i was upset at all you'd know.. friends xxx

these are pretty good at entertaining themselves tbh and we are very much childproofed now. God help us when the baby starts crawling though. babyproofed we are not! I am more concerned about dealing wiith her atm I am dreading being big and incapable like I was last time.. but it might not be like that again.. no guarantee's.

I desperately do want to get the girls room decorated before summer though.

ethelsmum

Evening all, not been around much lately due to the easter holidays and having 3 kids to entertain!

DD is now crawling but goodness me, I need eyes everywhere.

I am going to try and read back while I have time.

CL

OK. I survived looking after the 3 nieces and nephews! The 2 year old who is being potty trained had no accidents and didn't try to murder my LO the minute my back was turned (which was the biggest worry I had as she is sooo jealous). I had to go to their house round the corner with LO and DH at 7pm to get them all into pyjamas, teeth brushed and into bed, and then leave DH to sit in their house while I took our LO home to get her fed and into bed. Knackered!

DH & I spent 7 hours yesterday cleaning out a house we rent out, that a tenant had left in a total state. 3 trailer loads of rubbish to the council dump. 3 bedrooms needing new flooring (paint spilt on one floor, burn hole through another and third just bogging!) Can't believe she left plates with food on them in bin bags in the garden! Dishwasher broken, back door broken, doorbell broken....