MSE Parents Club Part 16

moonbeam2007

fletch3163 wrote: »

My Goodness, that made me smile.

My DS is a fabulous 13 now and, apart from one night at 3 months old, he's never been away overnight. I make no apologies for it. He camped in our garden one night with a friend and one night with his dad, that's the lot!!

I spent years with people telling me I need a break from him or I needed to get my life back. Utter nonsense!! He became part of my life, not a hindrance to it for God's sake.

As a mum who had to go back to work full time when he was 3 months old there was no way I was giving him away on the weekends to allow me a social life. I had my social life before my child and I'll have one again when he's no longer a child.

You do what your heart is telling you. Your baby will be grown in quick time so you must absorb all you can. Enjoy what you have.

And for those who worry about them sleeping with you, or having their dummy longer than the others, I can testify that they don't do it in high school :rotfl:so it's all good.

Good luck and well done for being such a conscientious mum. There should be more like you in my humble opinion

Thank you, I totally agree I had my party time before my son was born now I am just loving being a Mum and enjoying ever second watching him grow. Nothing better

moonbeam2007

balletshoes wrote: »

He's 3 - who's asked him to stay over at 3 years old? I'm sure there are extended families who do that and its fine - but if you're an OTT mum, then so was I when my child was 3 . I only ever left my child with someone else (usually my mum, dad or sister) in the evening on the rare occasion I was invited to a wedding or something like that when she was a baby/toddler, and I was home long before she woke in the morning. I had to be away overnight for work once, my best friend stepped in but that was unavoidable, my child didn't have a choice.

It doesn't mean your little one won't get his independence, but he's only 3, and if he doesn't need or want to be away from you and you feel the same way, you're not doing anything wrong at all.

Thank you, just feel he's too young now and maybe I'll always be alittle like that with him. He's my world

moonbeam2007

Nicki wrote: »

It's completely your decision as his mum how to parent him, and 3 is very young to go on sleep overs with friends I agree.

But, you are living on your own with no dad on the scene. Your son sleeps in your bed every night and can't cope with sleeping in his own room. He resists going to nursery, though I know you are working hard with him on this. What would happen if you were taken seriously ill or were involved in a car accident and had to spend a few days or more in hospital. Would he not be more traumatized at being looked after by a friend or relative if it was the first time this had ever happened, if it were also when that friend or relative was worried about you (or even worse if you were too unwell for him to be allowed to visit you for a few days).

With no one else living in the house with you, in your shoes I personally would feel more comfortable if he were able to spend small amounts of time with a friend or relative without my being there. It doesn't have to be overnight but maybe just a couple of hours every now and then at a weekend. You might be very happy never to go out for an evening while he is young, and not to have overnight respite ever, but fostering a little confidence in him to be separated from you temporarily would surely be in his best interests in the event of an emergency ever arising?

He has spent a few hours with his grandparents at my house a few times and he's fine. But over night is a big no no for me at the mo.

Nursery was rocky as you know but now with some great advice he loves going a few hours each session and that's a nice feeling for him and me.

moonbeam2007

duchy wrote: »

Why on earth would you send a three year old for sleepovers unless you wanted to ?

Most kids that small only stay elsewhere because their parents want to do something without them-If you have no desire to- then what's the problem?

I guess if it's your partner wanting the "adult time" it might be different and maybe you need to talk about it and perhaps reach a compromise-anyone else...... None of their business.

EDIT I think the only time I stayed anywhere without my parents until the age of ten was the night my brother was born -and my son was much the same. If we went out for the night when he was really small either my parents would come over and babysit-or he'd stay at theirs but we would "go home" to theirs after our night out.

As for Grandparents-I honestly think there is no reason why bonding can't happen during daytime (when the child is awake) and having a child to stay overnight is of benefit more to the adults not the children (Mum gets to go out-Granny gets a baby to stay and fuss over -and little kids are adorable to have over-night I get that but lets not pretend its benificial to have a child not sleeping in their own bed,.

I don't have a partner so that's a good thing Just me and my son to think about. And thank you I agree most times it only benefits the adults and I don't need any 'me time' I have a few hours in the week while he's at nursery and miss him loads then.

pigpen

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

My parents have been married for 35 years but they do have a up and down relationship and argue a fair bit and I don't want my son to be around that so sadly letting him stay so young is not an option for me and I've had to tell them this is why I won't allow it.

I'd not let my 3 year old stay anywhere either.. though ds1 stayed at my grans the night I had dd1 and he was 2y 9m but he knew that was the plan and that he would be spoiled.

the baby will not ever be staying at OH's mums as she is prone to bouts of excessive drinking and I will not expose the baby to such idiotic behaviour. My mother would rather eat her own head than have the children ever

moonbeam2007

lindseykim13 wrote: »

Just a pointer here some people seem to be sugesting that the ops ds has no relashonship with other family and if something dramatic happened the poor child wouldn't know who he was being looked after!? The op didn't say that they never see anyone just that she is with him when they do.
I've had to go to hospital on a few occasions and the grandparents have come to our house to watch the kids usually at night. The kids didn't have a problem with it and understood what was going on when they woke and coped with it well. Made no difference that they hadn't been for sleepovers at their house before they were in their own home and knew nanny & grandad well enough to go back to sleep.

As for letting him sleep in your bed- it's not a problem my 8 & 6yr old used to sleep in the bed & my 16mth old currently does with me and DH not much room but hey ho! They slowly started sleeping in their own beds from age 5 up and now both the older 2 stay there. So it can work and i'm carrying it on with my dd. You should do what works for you.

Yes that's correct Thank you. We have a big family and my son see's them all but with me their also.
I'm sure if something happened and he had to stay he'd be fine but it's more me I'd worry too. The thing is he is so,,,,, young and at that age it's important for me to make sure he knows he has me as his Dad used to see him on and off and then one day just stopped never called him since. I don't want him to think I'd ever do the same I had him because I wanted to and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

moonbeam2007

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

I thought I'd go back and quote the original post as it is a bit lost in the misrs of time now!

Izzy is 2, and has never stayed anywhere without me. I think she is getting close to being ready to stay with grandparents, but there is no big rush for us. If we end up with a wedding invitation or something thst will require us to stay over will cross that bridge when we come to it.

I am a firm believer that you have to do what works for yourself and your family. Everyone's circumstances are different and they can't make judgements on yours. You do what works for you and sod the rest of 'em!

I agree, Thank you. As the years go on I'm sure things will change but the here and now he's 3 and very young.

moonbeam2007

pigpen wrote: »

I'd not let my 3 year old stay anywhere either.. though ds1 stayed at my grans the night I had dd1 and he was 2y 9m but he knew that was the plan and that he would be spoiled.

the baby will not ever be staying at OH's mums as she is prone to bouts of excessive drinking and I will not expose the baby to such idiotic behaviour. My mother would rather eat her own head than have the children ever

I feel bad telling my parents they can't have my son but if they could see how they were, but they can't. Spent 35 years arguing with each other they thinks it normal to do it daily and my son would be upset by that so it's a no go.

We as Mothers know what is best for our children

ladybirdintheuk

Morning all I hope tired Mummies are slightly less tired this morning!

Beccles I'm glad your parents got back safe - sounds like a marathon journey!

Lots of chaos today - we are half way through painting the kitchen & bathroom ceilings and all the things from those rooms are everywhere. DH is working an AFD (11am - 10pm!) today, but we are going to pop to the allotment before he starts. Not sure what we will do for the rest of the day though - I'm hoping it will stay dry enough to excape to the park for a bit if nothing else. And I'm determined to have an early night tonight. I'm nackered!

Becles

Morning

Slept a bit better last night and don't feel as tired today.

Hope you manage to find something to do and get an early night ladybird.

Have a good day all xx