Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

Errata

Mooloo wrote: »

Although the problems are not the same as "abuse" in the way my sister had many years ago. It struck a cord with me that I do tend to not do things, that perhaps I would have done with out a blink of the eye many years ago. I worry about what I do even if I am with my children, incase it can be mistaken for something that it is not. I hate the anylising of my every word, and being pulled up if I have forgotten something previously said. Or if I change my opinion or feelings then I must have been lying before. Of course he doesnt do this all the time. But he does seem to slip into the cycle of it. If I hadnt been posting on here, I would probably have forgotten between incidents and let it slide. But I feel as if I am walking on egg shells most of the time. Infact I have been walking on them for so long, i dont think I know who the real me is anymore. I certainly wasnt this timid, or battle weiry!
The chipping away has really lost me my confidence. I used to feel that I was at least reasonably attractive, and that my figure was not too bad etc. Now I feel frumpy, and tired. I hardly bother with make up, (which at one time you would not have seem me dead without!), all becuasse subconsciously I dont want to be giving the opinion that i am trying to attract attention to me? the butterfly has become the moth).
I only drress up, put make up on for him. Which is only if we are going out mostly. Which actually is less and less. He puts it down to either my health or having DGD, but his daughter has offered to Babysit for me, and at one time DS had.
He doesnt like my family so I have tried all ways to keep them apart. For what? Why do I have to have a segmented life?

Now you see it is all beginning to add up.
Its all becoming far too much for me,
Its all just on top of me, and its chipped away, and chipped away at me. I dont think I know who the real me is anymore?
Over time I have changed considerably.
Without even realising it.

Until now, that is, until now. As i write this, I am realising more and more how low i have hit!

How did the ambitious, strong, determind and adventurous Mooloo become this shell of exhaustion, fear and trepidation?
Obviously thats not all from my BF, but its how I have ended up. With all that has been going on in my life anyway.

With that note, I am still here in my dressinggown.

On a good note my Mother has just MSN'd me, that I am a great aunt again. A little boy, 8lb 4oz. My brother will be delighted.

Biggest of Mooloo has just sent me a text. Wonder if that means that she may visit today instead.
Oh I must find a burst of energy to get up and get going.
DGD is playing with playdough. What a lovely coloured mess she is making. But at least she is making and doing.

Reading through that lot just makes me wonder what the advantages for you of having this bloke for a BF might be. I can't see any, but I can see a lot of disadvantages. If I'm wrong, you can put me right.
Before you do - You have the right to be yourself in all the areas of your life, you have the right not to be forced to censor your behaviour, you have the right to be loved, respected for who you are and given comfort when you need it, you have the right not to let those closest to you make you feel bad about yourself. I'm sure you get the idea.

ETA This is the garden tool etc bucket http://www.tch.net/grey-floral-fabric-gardening-bag.ir?cName=gifts-for-gardeners

thorsoak

Mooloo wrote: »

........Until now, that is, until now. As i write this, I am realising more and more how low i have hit!

How did the ambitious, strong, determind and adventurous Mooloo become this shell of exhaustion, fear and trepidation? ......

Mooloo - please don't forget one thing - that which does not kill you shall make you strong!!

And that's what you are becoming - a strong, self-contained woman who has dealt with far more problems than most of us could shake a stick at - and maybe BF is part of the problem, not part of the solution!

holliegarson

Hairspray gets the crayon off the walls as well - just a quick spray and then wipe off with J cloth - works for me!

Savvy_sewing

holliegarson wrote: »

Hairspray gets the crayon off the walls as well - just a quick spray and then wipe off with J cloth - works for me!

i shall have a go. At the moment I fear that the walls are only builders cheap magnolia and its not wipeable. But we will see. Alas it will have to wait until tomorrow now.
Biggest of Mooloo came over, and took DGD and I shopping to Banbury. So the extra walking, and then my attempting to at least the front garden at bay, has caused me to over do it a bit. So I am back to frustration, and sitting down with the heat pads!.

Re BF. We will just have to see. Obviously at the moment, because I am feeling so disgruntled I am forgetting the good bits. There has been good bits, and some lovely tender moments with DGD when we were on holiday etc. So he is not all bad. Just that there are a few bad things that are now just becoming too much for me to cope with. I thought i was strong enough to deal with his jealousy but I am not. Especially when it is not from any good reason. If I was surrounded by men all day, and flirting or being flirted at, maybe I could understand jealousy. But I am not.
Then the nit picking of things. Really wares me down.
Anyway, we are at stale mate just now. So we are not getting anywhere.
I shall probably be waiting a while before we talk. Its been a week today now. Frustrating. I briefly spoke this morning, only as I had a message from him, and i couldnt read it or reply to it, so I rang. But he was on handsfree in the car, and a bit tetchy with me. Although I was probably as much on guard as he was. I had to hang up as at that moment DGD decided to be an acrobat in my bedroom.

Hoping the heat pad will help for a while, and then i can get back to the sewing machine if DGD is playing happily with her things.

MatyMoo

No, it isn't abuse Mooloo. But it is a form of control. That's what I decided I wasn't going to allow anymore as it was stifling the real me. Luckily in my case it worked and I am very happy nowadays. But it took me a long time to sort myself out and the only people who still manage to walk all over me are my big sister's on occasion :rotfl: The joys of being the youngest :rotfl:

Maty
-x-

Savvy_sewing

MatyMoo wrote: »

No, it isn't abuse Mooloo. But it is a form of control. That's what I decided I wasn't going to allow anymore as it was stifling the real me. Luckily in my case it worked and I am very happy nowadays. But it took me a long time to sort myself out and the only people who still manage to walk all over me are my big sister's on occasion :rotfl: The joys of being the youngest :rotfl:

Maty
-x-

Thanks Maty,
Think thats what DGD is trying to do at the moment.:rotfl::rotfl:

Ha, I have bought a tesco dinner for 2, except there is only going to be me to eat it! ha. and that means only me to drink the wine too!!

Savvy_sewing

oops not sure what i leant on to do that?

sorry that doesnt make sense now, as the original post came out a bit odd. With the screen on it.!
So just ignore this post!.

Savvy_Sue

Errata wrote: »

Had a thought about your garden, is it something Biggest's partner could help with if you paid him - it could be cheaper than getting someone in. Also had a thought about your sewing. I saw a small garden tools and bits and bobs fabric bucket with 'baggy' pockets all round the outside and thought how easy it would be too make and how useful it would be.

And another useful thing would be a roll-up tool holder, you know for a few screwdrivers, a hammer, pair of pliers - just for the tools which I feel competent using. I was thinking that at work the other day, we must sort out our toolbox and we probably don't need half of it, we have a small IKEA kit which is great because you can see if everything is there or not (it isn't!)

Mooloo wrote: »

I am making coats for turkeys at the moment.!

I am sorry, but I cannot let that pass. Coats for turkeys? Do explain, please ...

Mooloo wrote: »

now I really have to move. I need to use the bathroom if nothing else!!!

I was at a staff awayday in the week, and we were invited to say what got us out of bed in the mornings, if we wished. I almost said "A pressing need to get to the loo!" but decided it was TMI for my colleagues ... (too much information)

Savvy_sewing

Its Eager Elephants fault! she keeps Turkeys and they need coats to protect their backs while the mating season is going on!
Just go to google and type it in, and up will come the pictures, (if you go to the images bit!).
Anyway, I have made them and posted themm off so I cannot photograph them!
/this is off google not what i made, mine is a bit jazzier, designer Ikea stripes!

Eager_Elephant

When the saddles (coats) arrive I will post a picture on and off my lovely turkeys!!!

EE