Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

Eager_Elephant

Sorry also forgot to add that do you agree that the Housing Benefit calculation they did for you is correct - it seems odd that you have ended up with arrears.

Are you able to check the notification letters to make sure you have got all the personal allowances and disregards etc allowed for someone in your situation?

If you are unsure you could either PM me or post on here (although that is not as private)

Savvy_sewing

Thanks EE. I will talk to DS and twin1 tomorrow.
I cannot face it all today. DS is 18. Twin1 put him on the council tax form when she handed it in saying he was going to be with her. Not sure about the rest of it though. He is not very communicative. But I will tell Biggest of Mooloo and perhaps she can talk some sense into him.

Re my benefits, they say I do not get disregard as I get the working tax credits disability element and thats not included in the disregard. I am sick of them. I have to pay £147 a month at the moment, and also most of my rent. Not exactly sure what that is now, so I will have to check it back out. Thats how the rent/council tax got in arrears. So used to it having been paid when I was on just my ESA.
THe money will all change again when the guardianship has gone through, the working tax credits stop, and so does the Fostering Allowance. I do not feel in a very good place at the moment.
Dark, like the weather outside. Rather emotional, tearful and ready to quit. Its going to take a lot of digging into my boots too pull me back up today. I was in bed by 6.30 last night. I needed a duvet day really.

Savvy_sewing

Well its been a day for tears in the Mooloo household.! I am rather out of sorts and its been a struggle. I have had a few good chats with some of the mums at the school gate. I was rather wretched and bubbled like a baby I think! Then I was in tears talking to Biggest of Mooloo although she was so happy about looking at wedding venues. I feel I dampened it for her, although I tried to be enthusiastic. She seems to have found a good venue, but at what cost. Somewhere near £4,000 I think. eek. alas it has made me feel even more inadequate as I was not able to pay the deposit or anything.
I feel so helpless at the moment.
Molly once again has been brilliant. Her daughter took DGD to thiers at lunchtime, giving me the day to myself. I went to bed after Biggest of Mooloo had gone and just woke up as they were coming in the door at 3.45. Then she brought me all the comforts, bottle of wine, flowers, chocolates a candle to burn and a glossy mag! She sat and listened to me blubbing until I had sorted through things, and then she showed me the lovely patchwork that she was learning. I think she has done so well. I think her work is lovely, and that she should be giving herself a pat on the back for managing so well.
I have just done basic dinner, left over beefburgers, (organic) with scrambled eggs, and baked beans. Not exactly high tea but it will fill a gap with DGD at least.
She is watching some Disney TV and being a little bit quieter. I think Molly has been talking to her!.
I still have a good bit of clutter all around, but at least I cleared up the centre of the floor, and I now have my vaccum cleaner and my steam mop back.
I think that all the things in life that I have had to deal with, am dealing with, and worry about have all got on top of me, and what with the weekend being on my own without BF, I lost the plot. Correction, I have lost the plot. I am still not back in the zone though. I am under orders from Molly to relax and stop worrying. To talk to EE about the funding etc and then to stop helping the kids! Actually I have had to anyway really.
What ever happens I know that i have some great friends and that after a day of tears and tantrums I will have a duvet moment and hopefully tomorrow it will all be more manageable.
The fear of being sick, a single mother at 50, and being on my own without a partner and having all the demands of my lot on my plate, I just toppled somewhat. I have a headache and I have rather gritty eyes and puffy ones! so I think that Molly's advise to rejoin the "frugal Frump to fab solstice" or what ever its called is probably a good idea. My diary took a bit of a beating yesterday and its full. So its time to start a new one. I dont want to start a new one feeling as low as I do though. I want to talk myself back into a better zone first.
Think its probably a good job that I have had the experience of MSE for the last 4 years and I can find all the information/people that will have the information, and all the support to get myself back on track eventually.
Cup of tea time. Too early to be opening the wine.

Molly41

Hugs my friend xx

Brighton_belle

Coming out of lurkdom Mooloo. Sorry everything has suddenly hit you. Sometimes a meltdown is the only thing to do to let it all out. You have and are coping with so much. I hope tomorrow brings renewed strength.x

Savvy_sewing

Morning from a rather jaded Mooloo.
Left arm is bad today. Didnt use my collar to sleep with, so paying the price. Just couldnt stand being "trussed" up when feeling so out of sorts.
I did wake in the night talking to myself telling myself to get a back bone, and keep on trying. But its easier said then done.
I am tired. I stayed up till around 10.30 watching some TV but although the programme was sad, I think it put me into a slightly more hopeful mood. It was about a little girl in a romanian orphanage. So very Sad. I wish I had the strength of some of these volunteers who go out there and try to do some good.! But I resolved that I must carry on and not give up with all my challenges of the grandchildren etc.
But I am going to have to drop one or two of the balls as I cannot deal with everything all the time anymore.
I shall consider the most important things, and work on them first. Obviously its getting back the confidence with DGD thats the most important, and the budget thats most pressing.
Alas BF and I had an evening of pretty pointless texting really, fuelled by my melancholy. I told him how low I was, and I shouldnt have. Its given him "amunition" or "power" to know how I am, and I wasnt going to let him know. I didnt want to influence his decisions by my mood.
I shall have to learn to stop texting. Be stronger and more resolved. Leave him to fly if thats what he wants to do. Its not good for me to mope about, and certainly cannot afford to be so low. I scared myself. Cannot quarantee that I am much brighter today. But I will try.

MatyMoo

Sending hugs Mooloo.

I know you will get through this and get your mojo back but you are entitled to retreat and lick your wounds every now and again. You have more trials to cope with on a daily basis than a lot of people I know.

Savvy_sewing

MatyMoo wrote: »

Sending hugs Mooloo.

I know you will get through this and get your mojo back but you are entitled to retreat and lick your wounds every now and again. You have more trials to cope with on a daily basis than a lot of people I know.

Thanks MatyMoo.
Wish I was an adverage person! then perhaps i would not have so many things to juggle all the time!. peace and quiet and no drama would be so lovely.... bliss I think.
I still want to bury my head under the duvet. But I have just had my shower so at least I dont feel such a mess.
Got DGD dressed ready for Nursery, so less pressure now, as we have just over 30 minutes before we have to go.
Now I am going to attempt to dry my hair. Thats a mamouth task when my arm is like it is today.!
When I get back I shall take the day as easy as I can. Only deal with the essentials, until I feel better.
When I used to fall into depression I usually saw the signs as I slipped and would batton down the hatches, cancel everything and nurse myself back out of it. But for some reason I didnt see this one coming. It was a sledgehammer on saturday really.

minimoneysaver

Chin up Mooloo. "Things can only get better!" That's my favourite track when things are getting on top of me. It's time to focus on the things that you can change right now. You need to find one thing that can be done. Maybe one cupboard or an overstuffed drawer in the house. Clean it out, ebay the things that can be sold and throw away any rubbish. If you attack just one thing a day, within a couple of weeks, you'll be feeling like a weight has been lifted in a short, painless time and hopefully will be able to make a few extra pounds on ebay.... every penny helps!

Savvy_sewing

Its the middle of the night. I have been up since 2.30 and cannot sleep, my brain is coming out of the fug, and is now on a whirlwind, and there is so much on my mind that I needed to get out of bed and put it on paper. Hopefully I will get a couple of hours sleep soon.
i have the washing machine on, seeing as the electric meter is a useless economy7 and so I thought I might as well use it to its full advantage.!
I have had to start bashing another diary, journal or what ever. Well its an exercise book really. I have a beautiful Cath KIdston book waiting in the wings, but I didnt want to fill it with all the rubbish thats going on in my head at the moment. Want to keep it for the better times that I hope will come.
Clearing out the clutter and selling it has always been something that I say I will do, and never anything that I get around to doing. Taking Photo's and working out Keywords/tags or what ever they are called are a bit of a nemysis ? for me.
I will have to overcome this.
This weekend DGD has another birthday party. So the bunting for this years parties needs to be made. We have two in a row, an Oifa? and a RubyMae. Must check the spellings or it will be a bit embarassing.
BF is off to China for two weeks Wednesday evening, so we will have an enforced break in the texting at least. Giving us both time to be thinking about the future and what we want out of it. Then perhaps we can move on, one way or another. But the more hiccups we have the harder it seems that the outcome will be together, dispite all my feelings for him.
I will not dwell on that.
The nursery have posted out the invitations to the parents for the school concert. December the 13th. So I have until a few days before that to get the costumes sorted out. So I shouted at them on Facebook page, to give me the stuff or I wont be able to do it!. Wonder if they take heed. At least that way all the Mums will know that its not my fault that they are not started as the school havent sorted them out for me to deal with.
I am supposed to be taking them, and removing all the tinsel etc, washing them, repairing them and sewing the tinsel back on, and making any extra costumes etc that are needed. Time is running out and I am not as fit as I was in the summer. No sewing all day and making 49 costumes in one day!. No way.
I shall be keeping a beady eye on the bank balances and making sure that I dont spend anything more on ebay/fabric shops etc, and if the costumes are not taking up my time, I will be sewing and making my christmas presents and the rest of the decorations for us. I am pleased with the ones I have made (Mostly) and would like to add to them, but in the grand scheme of things there is still time for them to be done.
At least I am starting to think of the things that need doing again, and not sitting in a complete brain fugg. But there is so much spinning around inside my head, and now in the diary.
The physio is writing to the doctor and asking to send me for another MRI scan as its not been done since the 2008. and the strange sensations in my face are important enough to investigate. She is going to continue with the manipulation which has got me back quite a bit of movement in my neck while we wait. It appears that the doctor is off to South Africa to do his sabatical for the year. He works there every year apparantly, so I will have to see a different one in the practise. Which is a nuisance.
The washing machine has gone silent. So I think its time I went back to bed and tried to get a couple of hours sleep before DGD pounds on the door shouting Granny, wake up its morning.