Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

Savvy_sewing

minimoneysaver wrote: »

To sum up your worries, from what I understand, it seems to me that the future is the thing that worries you the most. Not knowing what direction your life is going and not just living day to day. Maybe you need to focus on what you can do now, rather than what you can't do. This is something that I have had to do because of my back problems, and it took me 10 years to do it! You need to come up with a short, medium and long term plan and stick to it. Easier said than done I know, but it is possible. That must incorporate your dreams (realistic of course). I'm sure this isn't anything new to you.

I suppose your right. I am worried about the future.
I try not to, but I had a dream. To retire to the Med. Originally by the age of 55. To have enough funds to enjoy my retirement.
Now I do not have any money. No longer able to retire in enough wealth to have the final dream.
A dream to share that life with a partner.- so far, blown out of the water.
The age of 50 is on me now. THere is no way that i can do any of that in 5 years now. Also in 5 years, DGD will be 8 1/2 and at school. She wont be able to retire with me to the Med for a start.
My BF also is not able to commit to the future.
My businesses have all been hard work, and all had to be given up, due to family commitments or ill health. Financially I have been crippled by it all.

This is why I am floundering. THe dreams are shattered.

MatyMoo

Sometimes life happens and our dreams have to change.

I always wanted children and never managed to have them so I have turned in to the best Aunty I can be to my nieces and friends children.

Because I always expected to be a SAHM I hadn't thought to have a career plan and hadn't done well enough at school to go on to further education. Luckily I fell into a Finance job and have been lucky enough to work my way up and am damned good at what I do. I have been at my present company for over 20 years and expected to see out my working life there.

And then they decided to centralise my role in a different country for the whole of europe and I got notice of redundancy. So shortly my life is going to change again in my early 50's and it is time to take stock and decide where I want to go from here.

I understand the commitment worries too, I have been with my OH for almost 30 years and we still live apart. I decided a long time ago that I would rather he was in my life part time than not at all, even if it meant giving up on children of my own.

It would be very easy to be down and miserable but I look at what I love about my life, put a smile on my face and get out there.

Sorry this isn't one of my most supportive posts, but I wanted you to see that it is possible to re-think your life plan and still be happy. I do appreciate that I have my health whereas you struggle with pain daily but as DGD grows she will be able to do more for herself and some of the more physical parts of looking after her will go away. You have been a great Mum to your own children (& stlll are ) and you are bringing DGD up brilliantly :T Be kind to yourself Mooloo, look at what you can do with your life rather than what you can't!

And why couldn't DGD go to school in a foreign land? You didn't spend all your growing up years in the UK, you know what an amazing opportunity it is to see other parts of the world. Maybe you shouldn't throw that dream away just yet

Finally, about your parents demise. 1) It has happened yet. 2? Maybe if you could talk to them about your concerns you could come up with an alternative. If they plan on being cremated could you have a small part of their ashes to do with as you wish (We split my Mum in 3, 1 part is buried with my 2 brothers, nephew and Dad, 1 part is with my sister would couldn't bear to lose her totally and the final part was scattered where she grew up in Scotland) or maybe they could tell you of somewhere in the UK that is special to them (I have no idea where this may be, a bench by the sea or the local park, the church they married) but just somewhere that you could visit to feel close to them.

Hope some of my ramblings help! But feel free to ignore me :rotfl:

Savvy_sewing

Yes its helping. Thanks.
I do turn it around, have done many times. Had too. After each disaster I suppose.
I suppose its that the clock is ticking and I feel as if I havent got very far. Dont worry, at the present time, I am not so bad. This was all the stuff at the beginning of the week. How I dealt with it, more than how low I was today.
I am not too bad today.
Just tired now, and fed up of the twins ringing me to "tell tales" on thier brother or each other.
I could have been in bed an hour ago if it wasnt for them ringing me.
Told the three of them to "grow up, and deal with the problems more themselves. Told DS several things tonight. AGAIN. He reckons I had not told him, but of course i remember telling him, even where he was at the time.
Right I am off to bed.
DGD has the nursery in the morning. I have to finish the washing, and get some paperwork sorted as well as the sewing I aim to do.

thorsoak

Dear Mooloo

Today is a gift - that is why it is called The Present. It is the only thing that any of us can be certain about.

I'm feeling sad today too - a year ago, my OH and I booked a family holiday for the whole family - Nos 1,& 3 sons & DD where No 2 son and his family live. This was to be the first time in possibly 16 years that all 18 of us (including all the children) would all have been together for more than just two days. But now that I'm paying the balance of the holiday, it will be without my dear OH. Something that happened just so suddenly that it threw everything out of kilter.

Somethings we have no power over - however much you wish you could, you cannot change your twins' wy of life, nor, it would seem your DS. But they are now "grown up" and have to learn to live their own lives - and that is hard, not only for them, but for you too, to see them make mistakes that could be avoided. You cannot live their lives for them, however much you wish you could change things for them - you only have one life, and that is your life.

{{hugs}}

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo wrote: »

Just tired now, and fed up of the twins ringing me to "tell tales" on thier brother or each other.
I could have been in bed an hour ago if it wasnt for them ringing me.

The beauty of the modern phone is that you can SWITCH IT OFF! Or unplug the wire if it's a landline. And sometimes, that's a good plan.

Mooloo wrote: »

Told DS several things tonight. AGAIN. He reckons I had not told him, but of course i remember telling him, even where he was at the time.

I sometimes text, and email, and talk on MSN to remind the boys about things. Then there is an evidence trail: I've been known to forward the email in which I said whatever it is they deny knowing. Especially if I ask a question and don't get an answer ...

I have to do this with one of my siblings too: they have a habit of saying "I don't know what date / what's happening / what I'm supposed to be doing" when the rest of know perfectly well what date / what's happening / what everyone's supposed to be doing!

SuziQ

Matymoo-what a great post!

Mooloo I don't post very often, but I really care about you. I think you are an absolute diamond-such a gift to your children. You are selfless and stoic. I have been inspired so many times from reading your determined posts. Don't give up your dreams-mine keep me going, despite never knowing whether they will ever materialise! Having cancer probably did me a favour: it made me re-evaluate my life and made me think about what is REALLY important. You have always had a great sense of 'priority' in your life and you never give up, despite your poor health and ongoing problems. If there is any justice in this world, things will sort themselves out, but I am a great believer in God's timing-he knows WHAT is right for us, and WHEN so that we have to wait and see what he has for us. I'm sorry if you are not a believer and don't want to insult you in any way, but whether you believe in God or a positive force in this universe, I honestly think that all your hard work and selfless love is leading somewhere special to you.

I don't have to tell you to never give up, as I know you never will!

lavidaloca

Lovely postings as usual. You are blessed you have such followers. Only time to address a couple of things at the moment - short of time sorry.

Your parents/France - have you thought about asking for the exact locations and then have a look on Google Earth? I know in the UK you can tick the street box and it is virtually like walking down a street when you have a look.

DGD is getting older and soon you will be able to interest her in sewing and will be able to follow your business dreams. I know you can't move abroad because of contact with her Mum, but you can start to have a holiday here and there when she is a little older.

Regarding your twins and son, turn off the phone and reinstate that word - NO -. Do you remember how strong you felt when you used that a few weeks ago?

Due to my husbands ill health, I too have lost my dreams of retirement abroad and am going to have to move from my lovely country cottage because it is too much of an upkeep. That's how I knew exactly how you felt when you left yours but you are turning the house around I know it's slow but you will get there. I am looking at my move as letting someone younger have the benefit now. It needs more tlc than I can give it.

Take care

Savvy_sewing

I have only had time to read. All very poiniont posts. (I hope thats the word I mean).
I have to go now. But I have read. Ingested, and will do my best as always to rise, and carry on. etc etc.
I wish all of you well too. I know that I am probably having a lot less to deal with then most of you. Its the problem that my mole hill is a mountain to me at times.
Running very late today. DGD is not even dressed and its Nursery at 9am! eek

Elspeth

Hang in there Mooloo. You're a power-house of strength and positiveness, but even you will occasionally find that things seem impossible. But you have your ways of coping and WILL GET BACK TO A SUNNIER PLACE (physically and metaphorically).

That said, I do think that "No" is a word you should use more often to everyone but yourself.

Love
Another (very) infrequent poster

MatyMoo

Hope you are OK today Mooloo, I have been thinking about you all day and wondering if I should have posted yesterday.

I think your molehills are as valid as anyone else's (and at times more so - not sure I could cope with all you do) and sometimes they do seem very high and it's difficult to get over that hump at the top. Actually we don't want you to get over the hump, as then you would have to go down the otherside. Think we need to look for a large plateau :rotfl: