Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

Violetta_2

Peanuckle wrote: »

Think of it this way Mooloo, not only are you having to cope with the chaos of your normal life, you're also grieving for the loss of the boys. I know you still have access now but you know that isn't for ever and it's a bit like the grieving we did for my father in law when we knew his cancer was terminal. Even though he was still with us we still starting grieving for the loss to come.

Hope that makes sense?

Take care xx

This is exactly what I was thinking, you mustn't be too hard on yourself, it is a very sad situation so it's natural that you are going to be down. The boy's moving on is a very real loss & any Gran would be sad in the situation.

Molly41

Keep positive my friend. We have good times ahead x

Savvy_sewing

I am trying to be positive.
DGD found some stick on jewels in my drawer and has been making pictures with the aid of my printer. This got me moving, and I have actually cut out some wallets for sewing later. I shall cut a few more out in a bit, but need to rest my arm. So its cuppa tea time.
DGD is pottering now, and has the back door open. That means water play is about to happen. I could win bets on her!
She is a water baby I think!
Going to surf a few sewing sights for some inspiration for other things and to see if i can lift myself out of the gloom a bit better. Although I am aware that the lawn must be cut! Arm or no arm, or the weeds will have taken us over again.
I shall spread the weedkiller this evening when DGD is in bed and start to treat the front. I would eventually like to plant some shrubs out there to match the glorious peony that is in the centre of the garden and there is a beautiful flowering bush. lovely white flowers, no idea what it is but the scent is heavenly. We will have to shape that better for next season though as its all lobsided.

EE the idea of listing is a good one. But I think I am rather rambling through things at the moment. Perhaps I will focus on it tomorrow.

BallandChain

I just had to jump in about your arm pain, Mooloo. Have you tried a TENS machine? My ex had a neck problem and was given one from the NHS as he had to have physiotherapy. It really helped him and I thought maybe you could try one? When you're in pain it seems everything can get on top of you and I hope your depression lifts soon.

ETA: People with high blood pressure, heart problems or who have other health problems would need to check with their GP first before using one.

queen_vi

Molly is a very good friend bet the flowers are lovely
you were managing very well
its very hard for you being in pain most of the time does not help
hope your back to normal soon Mooloo xx

Savvy_sewing

Well I thought I would just check in. I have spent the day going through last years copies of Sewing World that someone lent me. I have taken notes on dozens of techniques, patterns and links to websites all things that I am interested in. While DGD has played with her bricks, cars and boxes etc on the sitting room floor, sofa and anywhere else she could. (Including trying to wash her toy lions hair with a water pistol!!). But she has been relitavely manageable considering.

I did try a tens machine once. I leant it to my daughter during her pregnancy and it sort of came back in bits and pieces.! (twin2). Maybe I will invest in another one. I cannot remember if it worked or not, but its strange that its mentioned today, as Biggest of Mooloo mentioned it to me on Friday as well.
I have a lot of things that I should be tackling, but as the arm still feels like a complete dead weight, I am doing as little as possible with the body, but as much as possible with the mind, with a lean to the future of course.
I am a little down still, but no where near as bad as I was on Friday and Saturday. I am not confident that I have come out the otherside as such, but I do feel better in that perspective so thats one step forward at least.
If only I could continue with my creativity and be able to get on and do the sewing that I want to do. Some of that is not possible becuase of keeping an eye on DGD, and some becuase my arm is not good.
I have had to up my medication back to the dose I had before, and will make an appointment to discuss it with the doctors. Alas I do not have a regular doctor in the practise, and so find it hard to relate at the moment. I sort of miss my last doctor who gave me accupuncture as well as the various medications.
I will try to introduce some smaller exercises into the day again, they have slipped out of the window as time has gone by. I am still waiting for a physio appointment that was requested by the new doctor last month. May take some time I suppose.

My BF was going to pick up his son from University today. Not a very good day for driving, reallly wet, windy, and feeling quite wintery.
The flowers that Molly gave me are predominantly white, with a few pink blooms, so I have divided them up. I have the a mixed selection with the pink ones in the bedroom, to match my "shabby chic" stuff. Then the other vases are the white with the greenary. They look lovely, and some how quite peaceful. Last night I had a bath and burnt some Creme brule, scented candles. Soft light and bubbles, helped to ease the aches and pains, but my mind kept churning so I didnt sleep until later then normal. Around 1pm.
DGD woke up crying at 4.45, so it was a bit of a short night, as going back to sleep was not so easy and so the day started quite early for me.

I didnt go to the post office, I left it. A job for tomorrow.
Procrastination is a problem of mine, but its caused by the inability due to the Pain I am either in, or the pain that doing things will cause. (Preventative).

Right, onwards for the rest of the day, (which will be quite short as when DGD goes to bed I think I will too.).
I have put the Grand Prix on record as DGD has been watching her things. But maybe I will catch up on it later. I have defrosted some mince for tea. Not sure what to do with it yet. The potatoes I have are too old and really should be thrown out, or if I had had my vegetable plot they would have been chitted? and put in the ground to see if they would produce more for later in the year!.
I miss my vegetable garden.
I have slipped out of the habits of my challenges, the grocery challenge, the frugal challenge, my budgeting and menu planning. Its all gone out of the window at the moment.
There is money in the bank enough to cover the bills, and I was able to buy the twins a second hand washing machine on Thursday, it was delivered on Friday morning. BHF shop in Northampton. This means that i do not have to do thier washing anymore, and that means that if I do not feel up to driving to Towcester I do not have to.
I have told twin1 that her access to DGD that she sometimes cancels, will have to change according to my health, and my time.
Yesterday afternoon DS rang me to ask me to get twin2 to go back home (she was at twin1's), and to do her clearing up, washing up etc. He said he couldnt stand the mess!!!! thats rich, as she was complaining the same thing a few days before.
I did ring her, but I also told her that it was not good enough. that they should all be looking after themselves, and not coming to me with all the squabbles etc. I said that she had seen me the day before, knew how poorly I was and that they should be looking after me not the otherway around.
I havent heard back as to whether or not she went home and did her jobs, or if the mess is still there. Nobody has called me today to see how I am.
With my parents away now, I do not have my contact on MSN with my Mum, and although they are only on holiday, (for 3 months) I feel quite a sense of loss there. Add that to the letter Dad had written to me about the changes to thier will, already I feel that I have to come to terms with the fact that they are getting older. I am struggling with the thought of them going to meet thier maker, and worry that perhaps they could actually be gone in the near future instead of the distant future. Add to that the sadness of seeing the boys on Thursday and now not able to see them for another two weeks. The difference in DGS2 is significant at his age. AFter that visit it drops to a month later. It is hard.
Too much sadness, too much pressure, and far too much to tackle when someone is basically on thier own, and without my friends from here I doubt that I would have ever coped at all.
I feel rather light headed and spaced out a bit really. It sort of comes in swathes, must be the position of my head again.
Time to get on.

Skint_Lynne

I am really sorry that things are getting on top of you at the moment Mooloo. I am sure that everything will settle down soon and you can get back on track.

You are in my thoughts. xx

minimoneysaver

Mooloo, I know that you have a fantastic relationship with your parents, as I do with mine. Maybe if you articulated how you are feeling to them, they would consider coming home earlier to help support you? I know they are not physically able, but just having them there to support makes a huge difference. I know how hard it is to be on your own with a child as I am, and my parents also go off for a few months at a time. Mine are away at the moment, and I've noticed that my mood has blackened, my temper is shorter, I am more tired and less motivated. I miss my daily chats with my mum. I guess what I'm saying is, make contact with them to see if they can support you and your children through this difficult time. xxx

Savvy_sewing

minimoneysaver wrote: »

Mooloo, I know that you have a fantastic relationship with your parents, as I do with mine. Maybe if you articulated how you are feeling to them, they would consider coming home earlier to help support you? I know they are not physically able, but just having them there to support makes a huge difference. I know how hard it is to be on your own with a child as I am, and my parents also go off for a few months at a time. Mine are away at the moment, and I've noticed that my mood has blackened, my temper is shorter, I am more tired and less motivated. I miss my daily chats with my mum. I guess what I'm saying is, make contact with them to see if they can support you and your children through this difficult time. xxx

Hi, I know what you are saying, but I couldnt ask them to come back, not only would they have lost a lot of money in doingso, with sites booked etc, they would be missing out on seeing both my brother and sister. Its their time now. Dad is not sure that he will be able to do this trip much more, as he is 79, 80 in February, and so they must have thier dreams too.
I cannot rely on them to come back so that I can just talk to my Mum on MSN. My Mum cannot do much at home, but away in the caravan they get to step outside thier front door into beautiful scenary etc. Who can deny them that just becuase I am struggling. I cant.
I will rise again, in a few days. It just takes time i suppose. At least this year I have the stability of the house, and DGD in her Nursery. I have the new baby to look forward to some good times with, and of course, the best of all is that I have a friend in Molly, and so I am not alone as I once was. Or Felt. Shouldnt say I am alone as the kids are only 15 mins away in the car, and my BF 40 mins or so away. Its just that he doesnt seem as we all know, to be able to be there for me when I want or need him. Something long established in this strange relationship that we have clutched at through the wreckages of our life.

I had hoped that the sun might have come out, and helped lift my mood, but its wet, dull and not inviting out there.
I have about 30 minutes to get DGD dressed and out the door to Nursery. She is not eating her breakfast, just hanging onto her Dummy and watching the TV. So thats got to go off, and a fight will be on our hands. Oh what joys of grandparent hood.(Parent hood).
I still have a headache, or is it just another one? Oh well, when DGD has gone to Nursery, i will just take the day at my own Pace until I have to go and get her. Bearing in mind I havent even started the patterns for tomorrows elves outfits.

candygirl

MOOLOO have just been catching up, as haven't read for ages.Congrats on new baby, make time to enjoy her:DGlad you're settled in your house, and DGD in nursery, but very sorry for all the other probs:(:(Try and make some time for yourself hun, or you will burn out:A:A