Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

Savvy_sewing

Well I am rather feeling low and sad, so thats at least put a smile on my face.
I did indeed go to see my BF, and yes he has acknowledged our small celebration with a card, but I suppose I was hoping for a little bit more of a reconition, by either a nice meal, or a bunch of flowers etc, or even to talk about something.
I fear that the fact that he couldnt be bothered to call me in the week admition, to the fact that we had a tinned chilli a bit deflaiting.
I realised that it was not necessary to have spent a fortune on me, but maybe a little attention would have been good. Instead we were at polar ends of the earth it seamed.
I did relax, I didnt do much other then make DGD a heated meatballs and pasta meal (I took with me), and attend to her needs of course.
I read my book, there was nothing else to do.
Oh and watch Britains got Talent and wonder where the world went so completely mad. If thats all an anniversary is good for then I wont build up my hopes for my birthday later.
Infact I have now made arrangements to spend my 50th next month with Molly. He didnt seem to be too bothered about it. Now I just have to refine the child care for DGD and make sure all angles are covered of course.
We left Oxford at 3pm when it had started to rain, so the rain seemed to deepen my low mood, and coming home to the darker, windier Brackley didnt really make me feel any more happier.
Then Twin1 had called asking about getting her to sign on tomorrow, and the logistics. I ahve decided to send her the money/via the bank instead, as I really cannot be bothered with all the extra driving. DGD will be at Nursery again, and I want to bury myself in my work.
Even when I showed the basics to my Website, BF only said "thats not bad" but didnt really sound so convincing. although give him his due he did discuss how I learn to take better photos etc and to look for my other camera. (I have been looking for my camera for several months now!) I fear that it may have done a walk about somehow, possibly when the visitor from the family from hell was last here with one of the twins. But I may be doing her a dishonour and It may still surface. But where?
Last I saw it was the day I took it and the video camera out of my handbag and put them on the coffee table beside my chair. The video camera I have never lost sight of but the camera? vamoosed.
Perhaps its my chaotic life that has lost it. Probably. Maybe I will find it several years down the line. Definitely after I have saved up to buy a new one of course!.
Right DGD has diluted my lipgloss in the bathroom sink while I have been on the phone to her mum and writing this.
Time I put the pizza in the oven and got on with a bite to eat. Then she can have her bath and play with water there! (She wants to go outside and into the paddling pool, but thats obviously not possible).

Savvy_sewing

Evening already!
Well dispite waking at 6am, I read for an hour and a half! Reading a really good book and wanted to get on with it before DGD woke.
I ended up coming down and making a cup of tea, and taking it back to bed!. Then between 7.30 and 8.00 I did some research for ideas for my sewing for the day.
at 8 I was about to wake DGD when she came down. Then it was breakfast and the school run.
When I got back I couldnt park outside so had to leave my car up by the health centre and walk back. So after checking my Emails and the like I had a quick natter with Biggest of Mooloo on skype and an oggle of DGD2, then started to sew at 10am.
I sewed until 2pm, when I took a break for my lunch. Was starving.! I managed to make 8 childrens tissue covers, (handy packet covers) and 3 card holder wallets. Then went to collect DGD from Nursery and on to see my parents, (the parrots) before they are off on thier travels to France tomorrow.
I gave my Mum a gift of one of my walking stick bags, a small handbag that I had made on Friday and one of the card holders, all three were made out of the same fabrics so that she can be mix and matched.
Dad gave me a tower fan, told me where the gazibo is and a letter to deal with his will if the worst should happen! Mum told me which of the ornaments that my sister and my brothers partner want! Seemed a bit morbed to me but they are getting on I suppose.
We are back and DGD has decided on boiled dippy eggs for her tea. She has been very grotty and clingy today. So wonder if she is sickening for something.
Right time to do a bit of research for things to make/ideas that I noted from magazine sites to look at etc etc.

Putting the weekend behind me and moving onwards.

Savvy_sewing

I have buried myself in quite a sadness today. My parents left for the warmer climes of the south of france, for about three months, and in thier wake they left me with a letter about their changes to thier will, and thier wishes, for me to be thier executor etc and thier wish to be cremated, and thier ashes buried in thier beloved France. I think it is a beautiful thing that they want, but it makes me feel left out and alone. With my sister and my brother both having homes in France, that i have never seen, or even been invited to visit, I feel left out, and missing on an integral part of thier lives that are intertwined. I feel that I wil not have a place to go to mourne thier loss (when sadly this will eventually happen) and will not be able to pop over and visit thier final resting place as my siblings will.
I am in a mood of recounting, wishing and trying to fathom how my sister/brothers lives have moved so far away, and how I am so far away from my original dreams of life.
If indeed I could be ever able to have a dream of my future anymore. It is entwined in DGD1 and the twins.
DS appears to have found a job he is enjoying, and infact on the grapevine I hear he has two.
Biggest Of Mooloo has her man and her new Baby, and a new future.

SAd day today.
I will bounce back soon, but today I am saddened to the core.
Time to go and Get DGD from Nursery. Smiles on faces and tears to the background.

carolan78

*hugs* Don't worry about not having anywhere to mourn the loss of your parents when the time comes. Me and my Mum were talking about how she needs to go to where my Grans ashes are scattered regular where as I don't.

To me my Gran isn't where her ashes lay she is in my head and my heart and as long as I keep hold onto those memories created and the love still flows, I can morn and remember her whenever and where ever. If I do feel the need to be really close to her then I will visit various places on the coast where a lot of memories were created x

SDG31000

I agree with carolan78's wise words Mooloo. My dad died when I was 11, (25 years ago now), and my family still puts flowers on his grave each week. I live 60 miles away now, but even when I'm there I don't go and visit his grave. Simply because he isn't there, the remains of the vessel he lived in are there, but his joy, his laughter, his smile, his memories and all the things that made him a unique person aren't held within that tiny patch of ground.
I remember him when I'm cooking, as he loved food, when I go to the library as he introducted me to the joy of books and reading, when I look at my DS1's face as he carries so many of my Dad's expressions and mannerisms.
So I can understand your thoughts, but please don't be dragged down by them. ((((hugs))))

Savvy_sewing

I suppose because we lived abroad most of my child hood, all my best memories are in far off countries. No popping down the road to the sea side from here. No shared places in the UK really, only places we went to when here were to my grandparents in scotland. Alas that place was a council house, and the last time anyone went that way, it was a dump!
Anyway, I will just have to travel to france. So I better think about how to do that so that I know where they are wanting to go, and to see what it is about the place that they love. Before they do reach the end of thier days.
That said it will not be very easy to do. But a plan does start to form in my head.
Thanks for the words of wisdom. x

Savvy_sewing

I have finally drafted my letter to the Housing Association, and have emailed it to Molly to have a check of it.
I aim to print it off then, and get it to the Housing Association with the glass/etc all boxed up as soon as I go to Towcester next. I shall have to go by Thursday anyway.
Tomorrow I am going to take Molly over to see the new baby so thats something for us to look forward too. It will be after I collect DGD1 from Nursery as she has her half day today.

DGD1 is eating Meatballs and Pasta - AGAIN. Thats all she wants at the moment.! I have some chicken breast in oliveoil, with peppers, onions and mixed herbs cooking in some foil. Perhaps she will have hers tomorrow. Have a couple of jacket potatoes in as well. Easy stuff.
Then an early night probably had a few later ones this week, and I forgot my tablets earlier, and am paying for it now.
Mind was else where.
Have a few Elves costumes to work out for the school taking part in the town carnival too. About 30 kids in all. So thats urgent on my list. They have only a week away to it! Well just over. They really do leave these things a bit late for people to support and to do. We are busy parents/grandparents after all.

Savvy_sewing

Well unusual for me not to update the site.
I have been busy, and I am exhausted. Alas today was a visit to see the boys. So a bit of a bitter sweet moment. Its hard going, and Mum is becoming very withdrawn.
DGD1 was a complete pain in the proverbial today. Wingy and naughty. Hard work. When we did go and see her Mum, she was pleased but still wanted my hand and not her Mums when we were in town.
I visited a different set of charity shops as we went into Daventry. Had gone in on an errand for Biggest of Mooloo's so thought I would use the occasion.
Then had the call for talking twin1 to get a crisis loan. So that has taken up my day and dragged me away from the charity shops.
I am exhuasted now, and my ear is blocked again. So deafened in my right side. Very frustrating.
Sure it was my left side last time though.
Well tonight I am doing Nothing!
(I did go to pay my rent but forgot my parcel and letters!) Then they said that i was in credit, which didnt make sense as the housing benefit doesnt cover all of my rent, due to bieng overpaid last year. So I thought I would owe about £100. But the difference each week is around £17 odd, so I insisted on paying that as I dont want to find out that it was wrong later on.
Yesterday it was another arguement with the gas board about getting my account sorted out. Basically there was an error on thier behalf, and they assure me that they have fixed it now. That took me 45 minutes to get done.
Why is nothing ever straight forward in my life.?

Right DGD has finished her tea, as I have, and its time for her to half a video before bed. That gives me a bit of peace for a few minutes anyway.

Savvy_sewing

Another long and hard day. Tired out, and very very stressed.!
only beautiful thing was seeing the new baby for a few hours while taking her mum to the tax office.
Didnt start the day well, with bad dreams keeping me up through the night. By 7.30 I was a gibbering wreck.
I managed to get some semblance of being back together to go out by 11, but only just.
I have struggled to even place a smile on my face, rather then the tear streaked start to the morning.
The scheme the housing recommended dont actually come out this far they are in the Daventry distric only, so yet another blow.
Traffic was not too bad passed silverstone though, so that was a help.
Headache from tension etc is not good.
Batton down the hatches times again? I hope I am not slipping back into the ugly depression of 2 years ago, but right now, i feel as if I could once again, run away, get on a boat/plane and not come back.

Thrifty_Sister

Hi Mooloo - I really feel for you and hope that the clouds lift for you soon. It is so hard to keep going when everything is - or seems to be - stacked against you. (I have been there myself so can relate to what you are going through). Don't be too hard on yourself - you are only human and after the lot you have had to deal with......................
I think you are doing really well with all that life has thrown at you - you are probably feeling worse than you would usually as your parents have left you 'in charge' so to speak while they go abroad. ((hugs))