A good enough reason to seperate?

SUESMITH_2

she sounds just like my ex sister in law - note the word ex!

she wasn't only vile to my oh brother but to all his family too and their children as they got older - took great delight in making rude comments about you, and if you dared stand up for yourself she would get all huffy and say she was only doing it for your own benefit. nothing anyone did was how she would have done it

does that sound familiar? the day they split up i cheered

Sublime_2

Please don't get stuck into a rut of not doing anything about it. Things will not get better, unless you sort out the underlying cause.

sueeve

Don't underestimate the strain in every way of your new child in the family, both changes from work to home based ad also taking on the responsibility of making the home for 3 run smoothly. I may have missed the type of work you do, but the person who is organising the home, usually the wife because she is there, has to be able to rely on the partner to take responsibilty for doing things without being asked, and I suspect she is at the end of her tether, both emotionally and physically, and emotionally she is taking you with her. I know this sounds like the woman's point of view, and I do sympathise with you, but I have lived the exhaustion of being a new mother and the feeling that no-one understands.
Love is far more complicated than 'Do you love her?' It is more 'Do you have the will to try to improve things?' I remember Prince Charles saying 'Whatever love is' and it was naff and inappropriate at the time but actually it's a very good question. It does mean that getting through the hard times will lead to more appreciation of the good times.
Why don't you go on line to a good sale and treat yourself to a new set of clothes, with something for her, but don't get clothes unless you are certain - her size will have changed since the baby and she won't want you to know! Anyway it will be a wrong choice. That's any marriage, not just yours!!!

Getting help may cost, but it will cost a lot less than a broken marriage.

Miss_Orangey_Goodness

Your wife sounds like me!
No seriously, has your wife always been like this or has it been recently with adapting to a new baby?
I have to say I did find it extremely hard with our son, and my OH constantly said I was always nagging him/complaining and looking back I know I did but felt I had reason to when really I was completely stressed out and sleep deprived. An example is Oh never gave son a bath, never offered to put baby to bed. I would therefore snap one night and say "you never f*** help", or I would make tea not get a thank you and would snap at him. My life completely changed having a child, both our lives, and people adapt in their own ways. Im not saying what she is doing is acceptable, I have chilled out somewhat but my son is in a routine and has 12 hours sleep. OH still does things to annoy me but I can bite my tongue more with 8 hours sleep. Not that you are doing anything to annoy her but I am just trying to look at her point of view as to possibilities as to why she is like this. Pointing out personal things like the way you dress, i dont know why she is doing that but I would sit her down and tell her how you feel without arguing (hopefully)
I think it would be a good idea to get a babysitter and both go to the pictures/for a meal, do something for just the two of you. Good luck.

zzzLazyDaisy

I haven't read the whole thread, but I just wanted to say please don't under-estimate the strain that a new baby places on a new mum. Sleep deprivation is very debilitating, I well remember walking around feeling like a zombie for months, unable to function properly and just desperate for one night of unbroken sleep. Even when I did drop off, I was always half awake listening for the baby. I was on my own at the time, so I just had to manage.... but it was probably just as well in a way, because if I'd had another person in the house to cook and clean for, I think I would have snapped.

OP is your DW still waking during the night to feed/settle the baby? If so, this could have a lot to do with her not coping very well at the moment.

I have to say that, if I was in her shoes, and the one person in the world who I should be able to trust to help me through these first difficult months was threatening to leave me and the baby, it really wouldn't make me feel any happier or less stressed!!

Gingham_Ribbon

NickyBat wrote: »

You say she has to draw the curtains now as you always get it wrong. Why?, is it really that difficult?, i suspect not, you sound like my husband who cant actually put the toilet roll on the holder but he can get a new one out and leave it on the ledge for me to do!!!! Really its not rocket science is it , its just an excuse lol but again something that when done constantly will wind her up..

:eek::eek::eek:

Seriously people, if this was a woman telling us how her husband was treating her there is no way we'd get people saying things like this to her.

Absolutely disgraceful.

To the OP, her behaviour is extremely destructive and I hope that she realises how damaging it is to you and to your relationship.

It is not acceptable to belittle someone the way she is doing or the way some posters here have done. You are right to be concerned. It would be terrible for you if your child grows up treating you this way and it would be a distaster for your child's future relationships too.

I hope she will listen to you and make the effort to fix this.

My best wishes to you.

Gingham_Ribbon

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread, but I just wanted to say please don't under-estimate the strain that a new baby places on a new mum. Sleep deprivation is very debilitating, I well remember walking around feeling like a zombie for months, unable to function properly and just desperate for one night of unbroken sleep. Even when I did drop off, I was always half awake listening for the baby. I was on my own at the time, so I just had to manage.... but it was probably just as well in a way, because if I'd had another person in the house to cook and clean for, I think I would have snapped.

I remember that feeling well. It's horrible and I sympathise with anyone going through it.

I'd have listened though if my husband said I was taking it out on him and tried to resolve the situation. This is probably fixable with patience and support, but the amount of posters blaming the OP for his wife's unreasonable behaviour is astounding.

averagejoe78

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:

Seriously people, if this was a woman telling us how her husband was treating her there is no way we'd get people saying things like this to her.

Absolutely disgraceful.

To the OP, her behaviour is extremely destructive and I hope that she realises how damaging it is to you and to your relationship.

It is not acceptable to belittle someone the way she is doing or the way some posters here have done. You are right to be concerned. It would be terrible for you if your child grows up treating you this way and it would be a distaster for your child's future relationships too.

I hope she will listen to you and make the effort to fix this.

My best wishes to you.

Thanks for your best wishes and advice. Unfortunately things not really improving, tonight she called me a f*****g kn**h**d for moving my feet after she had asked me to stop doing it as it annoys her (i'm a fidget by nature, always have been, can't help it). I snapped back, threw a cushion at her ( i know, worst thing to do, regret it) and told her not to speak to me like that. Her response was to call me a f****g f*t c**t and storm off to bed.

Not sure where we go from here really but doesn't look (or feel) good.:(

wajoda2002

Schwade wrote: »

It's obvious you two don't share your feelings or communicate in the right way.

Obviously, face to face ends in argument if you do communicate as you two go off tangent.

Solutions:
1. Send her an email expressing your feelings; or
2. Forward this thread to her. She might get angry that you posted your problem online but explain to her you feel like you are in a corner and needed people not involved to be objective about the situation.

I have previously done this with my hubby as I THOUGHT I loved him but wasn't in love him...been together 9 years and was having a rough time (see previous threads) he wasn't happy at first with ''strangers'' commenting, however once he read it, had a ciggie and breather, we managed to talk and apart from the odd spat we seem ok.
We don't have a child, but our situation is almost identical it scares me. I am the one always having a go as my husband is reluctant to do anything!!! But afterwards when I have snapped I feel guilt like you wouldn't beleive however I can't admit that to him...I don't know why???
I pick at husbands clothes, what he looks nice, tell him to shave, what shoes etc, however, if he thought those things about me then I would want him to tell me (not the shave bit lol)

Definantly sit and talk this over, find out what she wants. the little changes do make a big difference as it's one less thing to us to think about. When my hubby gets up and makes the bed and opens the blinds, I go to work happy, if he doesn't...well, I have to send a spiteful text and go to work with the hump! It sounds tit for tat but 1 small thing x 50 becomes a big problem in a relationship
I wish you all the luck

mackemdave

SUESMITH wrote: »

she sounds just like my ex sister in law - note the word ex!

She sounds like my EX.........