Teenagers stealing food

ceridwen

Raksha wrote: »

Excuse me, where did I say I couldn't get a job? I was made redundant with a weeks warning and finished my job last Tuesday. I've already been able to apply for two vacancies. I've been employed for the last 3 years, having been self employed before that. I find your deductions extremely offensive.

The stealing/helping themselves (and they have been asked not to, told that if it's not their to leave it alone) has been going on for months!

the fact that the last theft was of 'healthy' ingredients does not they never steal junk - last month it was 3 of the 4 bars of milk chocolate, they left the 4 bars of dark chocolate of course, because they don't like that.

PLEASE stop referring to your own children taking food from the cupboards as stealing. It really is making me wince - to hear a mother describing her own children as thieves for taking food from the kitchen.

This is NOT our way. Possibly you have come from a different cultural context - thus there will be a few people on here who will still agree with you referring to it this way. But to the vast majority of us it really does sound....welll....OH DEAR:eek: and we simply wont agree with you that its stealing - because we know it ISNT.

ceridwen

7891368 wrote: »

I think your attitude to being a 'household' is confusing.

He chips into housework you say without being asked.
Food is bought presumably for the household to benefit yet there are some restrictions.

If he isn't eating what you put infront of him, as you appear to suggest maybe discuss why; you say you're a good cook, but we all don't like certain things.

Also bear in mind he's 13, he will eat a lot, growing lad and all.

In my house (I'm 19 and live at home when I'm not at uni) we are free to take what we please unless it is on a certain shelf for x purpose. My Mum also makes a point of, I bought this so we can have this on this day. If not it may look like you're buing treats and things for yourself.

Finally, I'd be annoyed my Mum called it stealing. It's a strong word and he's 13, normally associated to more 'criminal' offences.

Taking some nuts from home isn't the same as stealing from a shop is it.

Just request that he asks when he wants something specific, or have a box for 'treats/snacks' which is what he may take at leisure.

My Mum's friend had 4 boys, each saturday they'd get their box filled up with a padlock (so they didn't borrow from each other ) and they could eat when they pleased through the week.

Sorry about the long post!

A very good post. I do think you've used British understatement to say you would be "annoyed" to be accused of stealing by your mother. Okay - I'll rephrase that for you - with that "understatement" taken out. Raksha - interpret "annoyed" as "go totally ballistic" and you've probably got a closer interpretation of most peoples feelings on this. If I were to phrase this in a "British understatement" sort of way then I would say that I am puzzled/confused as to why you keep describing this as "stealing". Take out that British understatement and put it more accurately - and it is VERY upsetting and is making me feel rather angry for one to see a mother talking about her own childrens actions like that - when they are NOT - I repeat NOT stealing forgawdsake. So WILL you please stop using the word "stealing" to describe their actions for goodness sake PLEASE.

oystercatcher

Simple answer seems to me..... "You ate those nuts I asked you not to, please go and buy some more with your pocket money"

As long as there is plenty of cheap healthy food for them to eat between meals they shouldn't need to binge on 'special' food.
It's not healthy to eat a whole pack of nuts, they are full of fat, likewise dried fruit is full of sugar and not healthy in large quantities !

abby1234519

I'm not being funny but if you were told NOT to take something and you took it. Is that honest or dishonest.

I think it's ridiculous that people are attempting to fathom why the boy is doing this at the end of the day you'll only work that out if you go live with the family for a month.

OP you need to talk to your son, not in a pressured environment, if he thinks he is being put on the spot you won't get anything out of him at all. I genuinely think your way around it would be to get a tin for him and put his months worth of snacks in. He can choose how many to eat. You do need to allow your children snacks, it's just you know, something all us kids need! I often wandered down stairs for a biscuit. Mum bought me a couple of packets and I soon learnt after eating the whole packet of bourbon biscuits that throwing them back up was less fun than maybe eating two a day..... I don't know any teenager who don't snack. But at the same time you need clear divisions as to what food can be eaten. If he's only allowed his snack tin then that isn't hard for him to understand. If he then continues to disobey you that's when you give him MENIAL punishment. Because you should be punished for disobeying. And I dot think it's horrible to say what he can't eat?! My mum was trying to keep her shopping budget down And I was perfectly capable of eating 5 pizzas and all that without putting any weigh on. Aged 5 I would go round my grandmas in the morning and say I'd had no breakfast could i have some porridge. I was a stick thin child even from that age and my nickname was bottomless pit. So mum had to restrict what I had access to because I simply wanted food and would take it. Combine that with the fact that i was and probably still am a compulsive thief (I had issues!) then you have a food thief who is rather cunning at hiding her tracks.

Point is if you don't take steps to provide him with the snacks and show what he mustn't touch, well your not going to get anywhere. If you don't provide him with any snacks Thad slightly cruel but giving a months supply might make you appear a lovely mother and teach him the merits of self management

Jaxb_2

Please my OH "steals" treats and random food all the time. I come home from work looking forward to my chocolate bar and he's eaten it whilst I've been out. Or I'll plan to cook, for example, corned beef hash and go to the cupboard and there is no corned beef because he has eaten it. Oh no I better call the police!!!

OH isn't working at the moment and I pay for all groceries it's annoying when he takes something I was looking forward to or I was going to use but its hardly the end of the world. (Although admittedly I now have a small stash of chocs in the car for emergency use) If I can't afford to buy more I don't buy more. The food is for eating and if I don't tell OH I am saving that treat for tomorrow after work or using that tin of corned beef for a meal tomorrow, how is he expected to know?

I have jokingly threatened to put a lock on the kitchen door (when he had the cheek to eat the last bag of M&M's in the cupboard) maybe you should looking at that as an actual option if you feel this is such a major issue?

Fang_3

I think your sons eating 'your' food is the least of their problems. Their parents being controlling psychopaths (Layman's diagnosis) might be a slightly bigger problem.

You really need to get a grip, as does your "I'll remove their internet access for a year" husband. Obviously neither of you are playing with a full deck, but you should remember one thing - the children you're so eager to criminalize are the ones that will be choosing your care home. So be very, very careful.

abby1234519

THE POINT IS! she's told them not to take them! Whatever you think of her parenting surely they should respect their elders

Jaxb_2

abby1234519 wrote: »

THE POINT IS! she's told them not to take them! Whatever you think of her parenting surely they should respect their elders

Yes of course because ALL teenagers do as they are TOLD don't they? Maybe if she ASKED them not to take instead!

Fang_3

abby1234519 wrote: »

THE POINT IS! she's told them not to take them! Whatever you think of her parenting surely they should respect their elders

No. I wouldn't expect anyone to respect anyone due to their age alone.

Perhaps the OP should try a different approach rather than her control-freakery because quite clearly, it's not working.

CatValou

If the OP is buying food for everyone, and the children are eating much more than their share then that needs to be addressed.

If the children feel that they won't get their fair share unless they take it by stealth then that's a whole different issue.

I think it's a parent's job to teach their offspring right from wrong and selfishly grabbing all the best resources for yourself and leaving none for the rest of the family is unfair and wrong whoever is doing it.

If my OH ate his own chocolate bar and then scoffed mine as well I'd actually view that quite seriously.