Teenagers stealing food

ViolaLass

Raksha wrote: »

I'm just struggling to find suitable 'consequences' that don't punish the whole family, especially as we are all struggling at the moment.

Cut his pocket money? Remove/restrict use of his laptop/iPod/Wii/TV for x number of days?

The pocket money (cut by the amount that the nuts would cost to replace) would have worked best with me. What does he value?

Raksha

OK, OK, I'm doing it all wrong - Social Services will be beating a path to my door and taking my kids away.......

BTW - who said he was 13??

hitatotatus

I hate the idea that your son is having to hide the fact he is taking food. I used to do this and it was because my mum was constantly assessing what I was eating when I was growing up. Even today she says things like 'you're not still eating are you' or 'you don't want that pudding, you've had enough'. Does it to my dad too! I put it down to a control issues.:eek:

You can't expect a teenager to understand what your thoughts are and he possibly doesn't understand about budgeting and some foods being much more expensive than others - cast your mind back to being that age and what you were and were not aware of. If this is the case, I agree with the previous poster who suggested getting him involved in the shopping and noticing the price of things.

It seems I am not in the majority as many agree with you, but at mine my sons have free access to food in the house - it is there for them to be nourished and they eat what and when they like, once the main meals have been eaten. If you don't want him to eat it, don't buy it. If my sons eat something that I had bought for myself, I will tell them they are welcome to it. It has paid off as now they happily share what they have and will give me the equivilent of 'their last rolo'.
If it was for baking, I agree again with poster who said they have a separate place for this type of ingredient.

Give your boy a break. Sit down and talk to him about it. Your generousity will pay off in the long run.

Cheepskate
With my DS1, i really was carefull picking my battles with him and picked the battles that i thought were more importaint to his progression into adulthood rather than just constantly moaning about everything.

I couldn't agree more with you on this point.

toozie_2

Rakmasha

I too am a nearly 50 year old woman.

When I was brought up there was very little money, we had 3 healthy harty meals a day, and a fruit bowl to take food from as and when wanted, and not much else, I would have never dreamed of eating anything without asking-but times have changed, I had a tangerine and an annual and maybe a Sindy for Xmas if I was lucky!! My dad would hit me with a slipper if I'd been cheeky.

My own daughters are 19 - a student nurse living at home, and a 21 year old living with boyfriend and working. We have a great relationship with both girls, and have a great respect for each other.

As a household this year we have experienced a massive drop in income (about 15K a year down) and we have "cut our cloth accordingly".

I actually laughed at the word stealing, theft etc our girls are part of us and it's "our" home all of us (including the boyfriend) whatever is in our cupboards/ fridge can be eaten by anyone anytime-without asking, we are a family unit, and I believe I chose to have children, they are part of us and what's mine is theirs (this doesn't work the other way around-but that's life!), and to say "they are stealing food" sound like you have found out they have been stealing from the supermarket.

I actually love it when my 21 year old comes home and looks in the freezer and asks (yes she asks) if she can cook the last pizza for her and BF. I know she feels at home and confortable enough to do this.

If I buy something that I need I make sure everyone knows not to touch because it's required for.........

When they were teenagers and both at home I had a buscuit box and crisp box, and any of their friends could take things out of their without asking-that's what they were bought for, and I wanted their friends to feel at home in our house. I remember one Xmas I made 36 mince pies on a Saturday, and by Sunday there were 4 left and I'd only eaten one! The kids, their friends and OH and my friend had eaten the others, but that's what being a mother is about.

I would say feed your kids healthy/good/filling meals, give them yogurt/ fruit for pud, and only have the extra's in the house you can afford. If your fridge has bacon, cold meat, eggs, fruit. salad & veg in it-they are probably not going to bother with anything. Have a buscuit barrel with cheapies in it, I don't like nuts, but if these are special treats for you, hid them away.
I love crisps but if the girls ate them all, and I wasn;t due another weekly shop for 2/3 days I did without, so be it, it's not the end of the world.

At the end of the day, I've always said that if I had absolutley no money and I had holes in my shoes, and my child feet had grown out of their shoes, they would be the one to get new ones not me. Same goes for the winter coat-I'd rather be cold or buy from the charity shop, and make sure my children had warm clothes.

"Stealing" or "taking" or "helping yourself" to food from cupboards in YOUR OWN HOME should not amount to "stealing" ascalating-unless you make an issue of it.

My girls have eaten what they want when they want a snack, but neither have ever even been inside my handbag, and if I asked either one to bring me my purse, they would actually bring me the bag.

Good luck
xx

BitterAndTwisted

That's all well and good BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF MACADAMIA NUTS? I'd have given him a spanking for swiping them without permission

hitatotatus

Yes, too expensive!!!! But thats my point - ask any child the price and they will not have a clue.

CallaLily

I know exactly how you feel, my 16 & 13 year olds take food put to one side out of the way that they have been asked not to touch as it is there for a purpose like cake making, Christmas, etc. I know a lot of people have said they should be able to help themselves but they should also be able to follow simple instructions to leave things when asked to, it works both ways.

Turtle

Raksha wrote: »

The son who is stealing is NOT the one with the weight issues, the rest is padlocked generally (unless his Dad forgets to lock the padlock when he's finished and then comes down from his sleep after a night shift to find #2 son stuffing his pockets/school bag having already phoned me to tell me he's going straight round to a friends house after school)

In the linked thread, you talk about no 3 son offering the angry / bullied son his macaroni cheese after angry son's was eaten by the dog and we know no 1 son doesn't live at home any more- that certainly makes it sound like it's no 2 son with both the bullying problems and the taking food without permission problems, contrary to your denials above. In addition, later in this thread you asked 'who said he was 13?' when in fact your linked thread tells us that he's 13. I'm not trying to catch you out (although the things you've told us don't add up if you read both threads) but there's no point telling us half a story if you genuinely want advice.

mishkanorman

OP I would say you have much bigger issues that need resolving before you waste energy on this one, you might find this is a by product of other family problems and his way of making you know he is still there !

LilacLouisa

Well times have changed since I was a child in 50's and 60's. As someone else has said we had three decent meals daily with perhaps a biscuit for supper. Sweets were treats for weekend evenings, and we would never dream of taking anything to eat without asking Mum first. It wasn't just our house either, most of the village was the same.

I remember Mum being flabbergasted when watching an American sit com and the children just opened the fridge and took whatever they wanted, drank milk and orange juice out of the cartons, she thought it was the absolute end.

Fast forward to when my son was a teenager, I couldn't keep him full, I would just be clearing the table after a hearty tea and he would be wondering what he could eat next.

As for taking things out of the cupboard, anything such as flaked almonds I bought for baking would have disappeared when I wanted to use them-grrr I wouldn't have minded if they had let me know.

My husband was just as bad, worse in fact, he used to drink all the gripe water, and eat the raw mushrooms!

Perhaps you could hide anything you are saving for a special treat for all, and like others have suggested have basic crisps and nuts in the cupboards along with fruit and even chopped up raw veg and a home made dip?. If they want to eat chocolate too often, tell them you aren't touching it because you have heard it contains some revolting ingredient (actually I believe some of it does) or be really unscrupulous and make something vile up.

Someone ingenious poster on here hit upon the idea of mixing up grated cheese and mixing with mayo and various grated veg, and keeping it in the fridge ready for a quick sandwich for a quick snack.

I hope you can resolve this, it is your home, not a battleground, good luck.