Written out of parents will

castleton

First let me say that my mother is a manipulative person and delights to sow discord and then play the poor me,what did I do card. She had my dad under the thumb.I will not go into detail.

When my father died many years ago ( long story)I applied for a copy of his will. It transpired that they(he and my mother) had made mirror wills.Any money etc. was to be split 12 ways. 6 parts to my younger sister and 1 part each to me and the five grandchidren.I made it clear to my mother that when the time came I would have a solicitor draw up a Deed of Variation that would transfere my interest to my children and that I wanted nothing from her anyway.

I hve not scene or communicated with her for over 15 years and am better for it. She has not communicated with either me or my children since.

dzug1

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I believe there would be very few grounds to challenge it unless

• it's a Scottish will

It's not actually a 'challenge' in the case of a Scottish will - you don't have to go to court to do it, just ask the executor for your share of (I forget the exact term - but I think it's moveable estate) and they are obliged to give it to you.

dzug1

henpecked1 wrote: »

meritaten wrote: »

but dont forget to empty their bank accounts first! QUOTE]

Power of Attorney - those fees and expenses can be a trifle expensive :beer:

I'm sure she won't give you Power of Attorney.

Except maybe out of spite - and you don't have to accept if that's the case.

dzug1

henpecked1 wrote: »

when the times comes, stick them in the worst residential home going.

Not actually your problem unless you choose to make it one.

ALIBOBSY

Parents eh, hard work for so many of us. Won't go into detail, but you can see my thread "can I vent about my mother" for what mine got up to lol. One of her fav lines was how she never wanted kids and I was a drunken accident, "but of course I love you now".

I finally realised it was all about control for her and I had to drop out of the battle so to speak. I finally gave her a peice of my mind and told her alot of home truths. We stopped seeing her and I was prepared to cut her out completely if I had to, but I left the door open by telling her I love you, but will live my life how I want to and if you don't like it you can stay away. I think possibly as much for the grandkids as for me she came and apologised (well as close as she would ever get to it lol).

Our realationship is better now, I accept she won't change and now don't care, I ignore anything she says ande most importantly she knows I ignore her and don't care what she says, in fact because of this she is now more careful what she says to me and finally treats me as an equal adult.

My mum sounds a bit like yours in that she values money above so much, and equates cash to success and happiness (she told me it was selfish to have 4 kids as they would have our income split 4 ways instead of 2 and get less each-never mind love, joy, the rough and tumble of a happy loving large family). She also runs around after my sister as she always toes the party line ie let her have a key to your house so she can come and go as she pleases, do everything as she would etc etc. Mind you sis reckons mum and dad big me up all the time to her as though I am the best thing since sliced bread, so you never know what your mum is saying to other family members might suprise you.

I don't care who my mum leaves her cash to, so a will threat would be wasted on me.
I would tell her either face to face, over the phone or in writing exactly how you feel. Make it clear her threats and indeed her critsisms hold no fears for you and if she is unable to move the realationship on you will have to cut her out of your life. Thing will either reach a place you can both live with or you will be well rid of her. Sad but true.

Whatever you do (and you may prefer to forget them till after crimbo and just concentrate on having a good time with your immediate family) have a good one.

ali x

fairylittle

Thanks again for all replies, I am going to try and stop beating myself up over this.

I'm still not sure if I will phone on Christmas Day yet, I will see how I feel on the day.

I keep feeling guilty and then I remember all the issues over the years and I think why should I bother?

As for the money and the will they can keep it, I don't want a penny, I'd just like to know they are proud of me and my life and family

Mojisola

fairylittle wrote: »

I'm still not sure if I will phone on Christmas Day yet, I will see how I feel on the day.

I know it has to be your decision - but I would advise against this. If you really want to phone them, leave it until Boxing Day. Keep Christmas Day to enjoy with your family.

uolypool

OP please do stop beating yourself up about it all.My relationship with my mother broke down and I'm not willing to try and mend the rift.My sisters have the same relationship with her as well.She treated us poorly once my brother came along and even worse she tried to do the same to our children.She also turned our step father against us all with her posionous tongue.Live life for your little fam and dont give the others a second of your time .If that is how you feel , I dont want to put words into your mouth.

Winter_Jasmine

I think maybe you should just be asking yourself if there is anything positive that will come from staying in touch with your parents and sister? From what you've said on here:

• They are not grandparents/an aunt to your children in anything but name
• Your husband and children have been affected so badly by them that they want nothing to do with them
• They want to hurt you to such an extent that they wanted to pay money to make sure your wedding wouldn't be a truly happy day for you
• They banned you from your grandmother's funeral and denied you the inheritance they knew she wanted you to have (I know this isn't about the necklace to you, it's about the sentiment and meaning behind it)

It sounds like you've been treated horrendously by them for so long that, perhaps sub-conciously, you've grown up feeling like your role is to try to please them, in the hope that eventually they'll show you some love.

Their behaviour must leave you feeling constantly worn down and on edge and I'd imagine it causes some friction in your real family (husband and kids) which is probably exactly what they want. You mentioned that your children are their only grandchildren - is your sister jealous of this?

From the outside looking in, I'd say give yourself a real Christmas present this year - don't ring them, try not to think about them and enjoy the feeling of facing the future out of their control

courteener

They sound like the kind of people you would want to protect your children from.

They're not going to change suddenly now and stop being a nightmare.

I'd be tempted to accept that they are never going to be the parents I want them to be, change my mobile number and move on.