Written out of parents will

ellies_angel

I don't have a great relationship with my parents, my dad (adopted not biological) is a horrible man and I have thankfully managed to cut him out of my life, my mum, I try really hard to have some kind of relationship but it isn't easy and causes me a great deal of emotional stress and heart ache, I have long since realised that I will never please her. Her behaviour at my wedding was horrendous, she is so critical of everything I do or have and its taken me a long time to realise that she is jealous (although she has no reason to be)
She has always favoured my brother, something that is recognised throughout the family and while I don't think I will be cut out of the will as such, I am aware that they will leave me next to nothing. Thats ok with me, I don't want anything from her, the only thing I ever wanted, money can't buy and now its far too late.
I hear my partners children going on about how much they are going to have when their grandparents die and it makes me sad, what is money (and no I don't have a lot) compared to having the person you love with you and why should they work and save their whole life just to leave money behind, they should be enjoying it.
Anyway I have gone off track. I am sorry that you had to receive such a cruel message, you have a lovely husband and children and I'm guessing other family and friends. Do you really need them in your life. Let them make the first move and if their is any talk about what you haven't been in touch,, just explain that after the last message why would you. ((((((((big hugs)))))))))

gratefulforhelp_2

Mojisola wrote: »

If you live in Wales or England, I doubt you would have any success in challenging their will. People are allowed to leave their money to whoever they want.

This is right, and consider, OP, that whatever someone tells you they have written in their will, may or may not be true. Even if you see a copy, there is nothing to stop them writing another that will cancel it out.

Sorry, but these people sound vile, no-one deserves to be treated this way.

Don't feel like a bad person, these are grown adults treating their child like rubbish.

fairylittle

Thanks again to everyone for your kind words, I am genuinally moved by people taking the time and trouble to comment. I have never stood up to my family in the past, apart from my wedding when they offered me quite a lot of money if I would have a small registry office do rather than a church wedding. That is when they said I just wanted to be the centre of attention!!
I organised the whole wedding by myself and DH and I paid for everything, it wasn't an extravagant wedding, we couldn't afford an evening reception but it was a lovely day and I cherish the memories and the photos
I cried my eyes out after my daughters christening as I had no one from my family there but I've come to realise that it is them who are missing out not me.

System

you're not a bad person

I cut my bio dad out of my life about 4/5 years ago, as i couldn't be doing with the nastiness he displayed to other fmaily members and the fact he used me as a way to get at my mum. I realised i couldn't change who he was and that truth be told dad or not i didn't like the person he was. It also meant cutting off contact with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. In the space of a week my family went from over 25+ to 6 members. But i don't regret doing what i did.

meritaten

my OH and I have cut his oldest brother and sis in law from our lives........and quite frankly we dont miss them one bit! nasty, poisonous people! they always caused the maximum amount of trouble at particularly upsetting times, due to their firm belief that they alone are in charge of 'the family', that they alone are 'right', and that they alone should be the recipients of any money or property left. all with a superior air of 'I do this for your own good as you are too stupid to realise where you are wrong'! actually, it wasnt an 'air of' - She actually said that to me!

and yes we have missed out financially, but we dont care, we dont need these people poisoning our lives! and that was over ten years ago............I also hear that she has cancer and wants to see us.........NO WAY! sorry, but I will not be a hypocrite and pretend that I am sorry she is getting whats well over due! (thats coloured by the way she interfered so much in MILs illness which ended in MIL dying in hospital when me and the other sis in laws were caring for here perfectly well at home with the assistance of the hospice at home team!)

ceridwen

fairylittle wrote: »

Hi

this is a long story - sorry

my parents and my sister have fallen out due to the fact that they think I have not phoned enough. I got a very horrible message on my mobile saying they were disgusted with me and I had left them with no choice but to cut me out of their will.

They did not come to my daughter's christining or my MIL's funeral and when I nearly died a few years ago from pneumonia they did not visit me in hospital

Now with Christmas round the corner I feel I should get in touch BUT I can't cope with the abuse I know I will get on the phone, my kids don't want to know their Grandparents and DH has refused to visit them

They refused to come to my wedding coz they said I wanted to be the centre of attention :eek: but came in the end anyway after not paying a penny towards it

Should I just concentrate on my own family or forgive them AGAIN???

If they weren't my parents I would not like them at all if you know what I mean

I thought that was the whole idea - ie that the "happy couple" and most specifically the woman ARE the "centre of attention" at the wedding <puzzled smilie>.

Mygawd - I would be tempted to "let them loose" in your position I have to say.

My thoughts would be to "have another go" and try once and for all to sort things out between everyone. If that doesnt work - well...I dont know..I'm a bit lost on this one. However - whatever happens - do remember that phrase "We dont choose our relatives".

Take care.

ceridwen

fairylittle wrote: »

Thanks again to everyone for your kind words, I am genuinally moved by people taking the time and trouble to comment. I have never stood up to my family in the past, apart from my wedding when they offered me quite a lot of money if I would have a small registry office do rather than a church wedding. That is when they said I just wanted to be the centre of attention!!
I organised the whole wedding by myself and DH and I paid for everything, it wasn't an extravagant wedding, we couldn't afford an evening reception but it was a lovely day and I cherish the memories and the photos
I cried my eyes out after my daughters christening as I had no one from my family there but I've come to realise that it is them who are missing out not me.

Must admit that does sound odd - ie offering a lot of money for a registry office do, but less for a church wedding. Very odd - I would have thought the reverse would be the case - ie offering more for the more expensive/public ceremony...

I am wondering here why they gave birth to you in the first place - if they werent prepared to at least try and be "proper parents" to you? You werent born in the last 10/15 odd years - in which time I suspect a lot of children were born for the money the Government would pay the parents - rather than because they were wanted per se. So - there is a very very basic question here - assuming you were born sometime between 1967? and the last 15 or so years (as I would assume is the case). That question is "WHY did they have you?".

I must admit that if I were born any time after 1967 or so and was having the type of problems that you are having with your parents that I would feel it feel perfectly justified (indeed downright necessary) to make the opportunity to say "WHY did you have me? I want the honest truth as to why I was conceived by you?" and see what reaction you get to that. You are absolutely entitled to know that they chose to conceive you for the sake of having deliberately decided they wanted a child for the childs own sake. Speaking very personally - I can only say that I would HAVE to ask that question if I were in your agegroup - and I would base my future reaction towards them on what the answer to that question was....

If I was told I had been deliberately planned - then I would try a bit harder to work things out. If I was told I was an "accident" (unless it was immediately followed by appropriate sentiments of "But I was glad of it") - then I would just cut contact now actually. People vary - and you may well not want to ask the question that I personally would definitely make sure I had the answer to....horses for courses...and I can only speak for myself as to what my OWN course of action would be in trying to find out why things werent working properly between us.

Do take care. Hope this works out well for you.

hitchins

fairylittle wrote: »

I should of said that I really don't care about the money or being written out of the will, it was the really nasty message my mum left on my phone it upset me so much
My gran died a few years ago and left me a pearl necklace which was given to my dad to give to me, I was told by my dad I couldn't go to her funeral. When I asked about the necklace my mum said that they had lost it!!
They have been pretty awful to me all my life but I've always kept in touch because they're my parents but that voicemail was really the last straw, I haven't spoken to them since which is about 18 months now.
I just can't help feeling guilty even tho they haven't behaved like parents should in my opinion, I would never act like that with my own children

It always seems to be the case with awful parents, no matter what they do the children continue to be loyal and seek any scrap of affection. I doubt very much you're ever going to get what you want from them .

I think you need to make a decision one way or another, continue to try and flog a dead horse (at your emotional expense) or sever all ties, I think you'd actually feel better if you did the latter, for once YOU would be taking control of the situation instead of been their puppet they can torment.

The very fact they have carried over their cruelness to your children would be the final nail for me.

KiKi

ceridwen wrote: »

Must admit that does sound odd - ie offering a lot of money for a registry office do, but less for a church wedding. Very odd - I would have thought the reverse would be the case - ie offering more for the more expensive/public ceremony...

I didn't see as they were giving her more money to *pay* for a registry office wedding...more than they refused to help out for a church wedding, but were trying to bribe her to have the wedding that *they* wanted her to have (ie, one where it wasn't a church thing and was small enough for the mother to have all the attention).

You really have to wonder, sometimes...

KiKi

pupsicola

meritaten wrote: »

my OH and I have cut his oldest brother and sis in law from our lives........and quite frankly we dont miss them one bit! nasty, poisonous people! they always caused the maximum amount of trouble at particularly upsetting times, due to their firm belief that they alone are in charge of 'the family', that they alone are 'right', and that they alone should be the recipients of any money or property left. all with a superior air of 'I do this for your own good as you are too stupid to realise where you are wrong'! actually, it wasnt an 'air of' - She actually said that to me!

and yes we have missed out financially, but we dont care, we dont need these people poisoning our lives! and that was over ten years ago............I also hear that she has cancer and wants to see us.........NO WAY! sorry, but I will not be a hypocrite and pretend that I am sorry she is getting whats well over due! (thats coloured by the way she interfered so much in MILs illness which ended in MIL dying in hospital when me and the other sis in laws were caring for here perfectly well at home with the assistance of the hospice at home team!)

I think we may be distant relatives, we have one like that in our family too. A total headcase :mad: