Written out of parents will

sassyblue

Op what do YOU want to do?? I've kind of been where you are with the in-laws (where you always get the blame) l did cut them out of my life (so did hubby as he was disgusted and fed-up with it) and after several years we are now in touch with no problems at all.....as of yet!

I'd be tempted to keep the communication lines open but with conditions - one condition is that you won't take any rubbish from them. Send a Christmas card saying how well everyone is and that you wish them a happy Christmas and (if you want to, say) your door is always open to them but from now on you will not take any abuse.

I can't imagine having parents like yours - what they said about your wedding is unforgivable - they clearly love a drama and have to to be the centre of attention themselves! Hopefully they'll quickly realise that they're onto a hiding to nothing with their behaviour.

As for the threat completely ignore it, even if they have written you out of the will you can say (when the time sadly comes) that YOU tried by sendig cards and letters and believe me solicitors and courts would not be so accomodating to this kind of will, times are changing and if you challenged it l can see it would be overturned in your favour.

balletshoes

I agree with the sending them a card with a little message in, hope they are well etc. Then just leave it alone, and have a lovely Christmas surrounded by the people who really care about you and love you.

Mojisola

fairylittle wrote: »

my parents and my sister have fallen out due to the fact that they think I have not phoned enough. I got a very horrible message on my mobile saying they were disgusted with me and I had left them with no choice but to cut me out of their will.

Should I just concentrate on my own family or forgive them AGAIN???

If they weren't my parents I would not like them at all if you know what I mean

I agree with Triker - it sounds as if they want to drag you back into trouble. Like a bored cat that keeps tormenting a mouse!

I wouldn't make contact before Christmas because that would give them the chance to jump back in and ruin your family time.

Your OH and kids can see what being in contact with them does to you. Look ahead - are you and your family going to be happier if you carry on as you are or if you get back in contact?

If you really need to reply to their advances, send a bland card in the new year, wishing them the best for 2011. Don't mention the "cutting you out of our will" - that's just bait to get you caught up in their games again! At the moment, you have power over them because you are ignoring them. That must be very unsettling for them and they will do all they can to make you a victim again.

sassyblue wrote: »

As for the threat completely ignore it, even if they have written you out of the will you can say (when the time sadly comes) that YOU tried by sendig cards and letters and believe me solicitors and courts would not be so accomodating to this kind of will, times are changing and if you challenged it l can see it would be overturned in your favour.

If you live in Wales or England, I doubt you would have any success in challenging their will. People are allowed to leave their money to whoever they want.

hob

i wouldnt even send a card. havent had anything to do with my mum for about 2 years now best thing i evevr did. i was basicaly hurtying myself by being pulled back in to her evil and yes harsh words but its true when u think about it what would u say to your bestfriend or child if they were getting hurt this way by someone. just walk away. you have a family who loves u so fouces on your kids and your OH. have a wonderful christmas!!!

brians_daughter

liney wrote: »

If it were me, I might send them a Christmas card, being the season of good will and all, but if they don't respond then it's their loss.

If they do respond, then i'd still keep my distance, but if my interpretation of you post is correct, you will still be fulfilling your duty to be in contact with your parents.

.

Couldnt have written it better myself.. Christmas is a time where a card is acceptable.. if you get one back then maybe start to communicate on the side of caution, if you dont then you know where you stand.

piratefairy

Agree with what has been said above about sending a card and ignoring the barb about the will.
My dad did a similar thing, based on a relationship choice i made which he didn't agree with..
He took great pleasure in announcing that this is what he had done, at a family event. I didn't react to it tbh, at the end of the day, i have never expected anything, i don't think it is my "right" to be left anything in anyone's will or not, it's their choice, and using it as a hold over someone is, in my opinion, petty.
If they truly want to write you out of their will, it probably wouldn't matter what you did to try and change that / communicate wiht them or otherwise, if their mind is made up.
As others have said, keep your focus on your own family, and don't let them get to you.

fairylittle

Thanks so much for all your replies I have been eaten up with guilt about the fact I've not been in contact, I have sent Christmas cards to them and was going to write in the cards I would phone on Christmas day but in the end I decided I didn't need the pressure that would put on me.
They've sent my FIL gift vouchers for Christmas but my children have had nothing last year or this, that makes me angry coz it's not my kids fault and they are the only grandchildren they have
I've been feeling like such a bad person so thanks for all your kind words.

Liz3yy

I really feel for you as I too have a nightmare family. My family is very small with only my Mum, one Grandparent and a few aunts and uncles dotted about.

I've never had a particularly close relationship with any of them (except my Dad) though nothing awful ever happened, that is until my Dad had an accident and ended up in hospital. My Aunt, Mums sister, called to tell me what had happened then demanded in very agressive tones that I come back to look after Mum (she had a stroke years ago) despite them living 5 minutes from Mum (I lived at the time a good 2 hours away)

I did go back to my parents house but got into a row with my Aunt when she realised I couldn't drop everything and stay at the house for weeks on end until Dad was better. Sorry but I have a life of my own to lead. My aunt, uncle and grandmother live down the road and have all the time in the world to care for Mum.

Anyway, I stormed out and didn't speak to any of them until my Dads funeral last year. When I called my Aunt to check it was ok to visit she shouted at me my Gran also acted like I was a stranger.

Since the funeral 18 months ago I've not had any contact from my family despite their promises, I have no feelings for any of them and would be happy never to see them again. Life is too short to deal with people you hate, whether they are family or not.

Sorry to hijack your thread! I just wanted to say you're not alone.

Liz3yy

fairylittle wrote: »

Thanks so much for all your replies I have been eaten up with guilt about the fact I've not been in contact, I have sent Christmas cards to them and was going to write in the cards I would phone on Christmas day but in the end I decided I didn't need the pressure that would put on me.
They've sent my FIL gift vouchers for Christmas but my children have had nothing last year or this, that makes me angry coz it's not my kids fault and they are the only grandchildren they have
I've been feeling like such a bad person so thanks for all your kind words.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Your own family have no right to make you feel guilty.

I hope you have a lovely Xmas

alexlyne

being cut out of a will?
so when they die you get no money?... I dunno about anyone else, but I don't live off the certainty that my parents are going to give or even leave me any money - if they told me that they were planning to spend it all themselves then I'd tell them to go for it and enjoy it as they earned it. Trying to hold inheritance over someone as a bargaining chip is ridiculous and rather petty.

At least you won't have to get involved in sorting their estate (your sister can have the fun of that all to herself!)