So annoyed at school...am I over-reacting??

timeou

HI all, I'd like some thoughts on the following and whether people think I'm overreacting (partner says I am)

My children go to a small village school and it's overall fine but sometimesI feel it gets things really wrong.

There are about 4 families in the village who are very good friends (one of the mums of the group is a supply teacher in the school, another the owner of the village shop with a big input into the school) well, the 4 families have organised a trip to Lapland for themselves and the children.

My daughter came home from school earlier in the week and said that xxxxx (the names of all the children of the families going to Lapland) were called up in front of the whole school in assembly and asked to read out the 'invite' they had got from Santa to go to Lapland - my daughter said the headmistress had said that these children were 'very special' and had been 'chosen' by Santa to visit him as they had been especially good in school.

My poor daughter was in tears - she said 'why havent I been invited Mum, I've been a really good girl too' - maybe if I'm extra good next year I'll get to see Santa' My heart could have broken for her - we can't afford the £2500 for a 3 day trip!!

I just thought it was really crass of the school to parade these children as having been 'chosen' to go as they were somehow 'special' as when in reality the parents have paid for the trip! It sounds like I have sour grapes over the fact they are going - I can assure you its not like that!! Any thoughts or am I over-reacting??

minimoneysaver

I agree with you, completely inappropriate to parade those children for that reason. Totally disgusting. The only problem is, being a small village school you risk being villified for your opinion. The chances are, if the head behaved in that way, they would also react badly to you going in and saying something about the situation. I wish I could think of a way to put things right for your daughter, but I'm sure that someone will be along very shortly with some ideas. x

KiKi

Hi timeou

I don't think there's anything wrong with getting the kids to talk about their trip to Lapland, but I agree that the way it was presented wasn't helpful!

However, I'd be inclined to see it as an un-thought through thing said by the school in the moment, rather than anything planned or deliberate by the parents involved.

Also, kids do sometimes misunderstand things, or re-tell them with the facts mixed up. It may be that the letter read out in assembly didn't say that, but your daughter perhaps spoke to one of the kids afterwards who said that to her. Ie, that the 'being chosen' was said to your daughter by another child, rather than in front of the whole school?? I'm not saying that is the case, but that information might have been from more than just the assembly.

I agree it's thoughtless, but I think it's just that and nothing more. If I felt that strongly, I might alert the headteacher that the way it was presented has upset some other kids, but I'd be very friendly and nice about it; she probably genuinely didn't realise. Otherwise I'd just let it go, and explain to my daughter that there was a misunderstanding, and that Santa of course doesn't see it that way!!

So yes, unhelpful, but I wouldn't get too worked up over it.

HTH
KiKi

julie03

i dont think you are overreacting, its very hard on all the other children who probably think they have done something wrong, if its a holiday for the 4 families it should have been kept private

how do any of the other parents feel

alm721

As a parent and a teacher, I think it was both insensitive and tactless. I would also be very upset and would certainly let the school know how your daughter felt. It may be that it wasn't said quite as your daughter says (as kids do innocently make things appear worse/different to how they are). However, even if this were the case it does not change the way your daughter felt/understood it, so for this reason I would mention it.

Teenie_D

I would be furious if it was my child to be honest, very tactless especially since it is such a small school. I probably wouldn't go in all guns blazing though, but maybe speak to the other parents to see what they thought about it. If I was the only one peed off about it I would leave it, but if the other parents felt the same I probably speak to the headteacher and say to her, like KiKi said, that several children were upset about it.

Of course children are going to talk and the ones going on the trip are bound to be excited, but it should be saved for the playground, not rubbed in the other childrens noses!

thebaileys

I think it is disgusting! Children should be rewarded for good behaviour at school, in the form of a certificate.

These children are lucky enough to have parents who can afford to take them to lapland, many children do not, and are lucky enough to get a present.

I find it shocking that a school would 'single' these children out, it is bound to make other children feell upset, like it has done your daughter.

The head has been very insensitive, parading these children infront of the rest of the school!

Shame on them!

Sambucus_Nigra

I'm afraid I'd be on the blower first thing asking what the hell they think they are doing....

pinkladyof66

I think it was totally unsuitable for the school to allow this, and I agree with you, why do they have to advertise the fact they are going to lapland me and dh both work full time and we couldnt afford to go either, i can understand your daughter being upset and the school did wrong in allowing it to be announced at school seems to me like they were bragging !

SugarSpun

In your position I'd be raging - but I'd also tell my daughter that Santa doesn't actually invite the kids there but some unscrupulous grown ups trying to make money off package tours tell them he does. And then I'd explain how lying is wrong and makes people feel sad, use it as a lesson for her and make a free video from Santa - I'd probably also engineer a letter from Santa just for her saying he knows she felt sad and he hopes she'll feel better on Christmas Day after he's left her his special surprises.

I'd probably organise a chat with the head where I asked exactly what was said because you're trying to get to the bottom of why your daughter and some other kids were upset, but I wouldn't expect anything to come of it.

money_saving_diva

SugarSpun wrote: »

- I'd probably also engineer a letter from Santa just for her saying he knows she felt sad and he hopes she'll feel better on Christmas Day after he's left her his special surprises.

Great advice. I think her getting a letter would be a great idea.


I'd probably organise a chat with the head where I asked exactly what was said because you're trying to get to the bottom of why your daughter and some other kids were upset, but I wouldn't expect anything to come of it.

I was going to say the same. I would go & see the headteacher & ask what was said because you are having a hard time explaining it to a very upset little girl!

I don't think your over reacting. Father Christmas and the magic that surrounds him is so lovely & special. It's such a shame the school had to ruin that for your daughter this year. Hugs.