Frightened of my lodger - help???

sugarbabe-47

B.A.T. Thank you...I am not getting any support only from here and I have just come off the phone again to the police...I am sat here at work frightened to go home...I am suffering flashbacks to my abusive marriage and I am nearly at breaking point. I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU ALL SAYING GET RID....I am sooooo scared. My son and nephews cant leave their jobs to come and stay with me, I cant go to stay with them because of my dog...I dont really want to spend my time sorting someone elses mental health issues out...phoning social services etc ...my mind is overwhelmed by all this, had I known he was bipolar (if he is??) I wouldnt have agreed to letting him lodge at my home. I have been kind enough to help him as a friend, and this is the payback and I think he is using my fear to control me and the situation and he is winning....I am afraid to go home, I creep around my own home. I am NOT ALL comfortable with any of this..
I have no other living family, I feel so desperate and helpless at this moment in time.
He has some furniture in the room, and like the Police just told me they wont stand around whilst he shifts it. They are prepared to come and assist when I pluck up enough courage to ask him to go...on a NOW basis, but he is threatening me with all sorts i.e the agreement I have...my head is battered with it all and its consuming my every waking moment...I am not sleeping properly even with my dog at my feet.
So its not that I am NOT taking advice from here I AM....I came here for morale support too!! I have Police protection at this moment thats all, mentally its crushing me too

Gwhiz

Get family or friends over out of work hours and eject the lodger. Then change locks. Job done.

I hate to say it but you sound like you are the type to turn yourself into a victim rather than dealing with the issue.

The experience of your abusive marriage should tell you what you need to do.

Caroline_a

If you have your dog at your feet while you are asleep I would say that you will probably be pretty safe. He will protect you at all costs, particularly if he is scared of your lodger - a scared dog is very dangerous! However, you do need to be strong now, take the bull by the horns and say 'I think I need you to leave today please'. If it's a question of furniture, I'm sure that you could arrange to have it put into storage for him.

Do you have a friend (female or male) who would be with you at this time? Then if he turns nasty you have someone who can help difuse the situation while you call the police.

Just think what a lovely peaceful Christmas you will have without him!

blue_monkey_2

OP, I can understand how scared you are - do not let this continue though as he is controlling you with a piece of paper.

Have you shown the piece of paper to the police? What did they say? I am guessing they are saying it is unenforceable otherwise they would not help you remove him - and you need to hold onto this. What do you think he can do? He cannot force his way back in to live there as he is a lodger, if he was entitled to stay the police would not remove him.

He could by all means take you to court foor kicking him out but that would take MONTHS - and you have a police report to say you wanted him out because you fear for your own safely.

Do not let this man torment you any longer, try to ignore everything he has said and tell him to leave tonight. IF (and it is a big if) he says he is going to whatever he says he is going to do then tell him you will be suing him for all of the money you are owed.

He is no friend of yours, do not feel any guilt in getting him out of YOUR house, your good deed has been done, he is not any more derserving than anyone else.

As an after thought, when can your son and nephew get time off work? Get them to ask him to leave and get them to remove his stuff, put it in the garden for him to collect after 3pm and then tell him her has 30 minutes on your property and then you are calling the police. Tell the police what you are doing so they have it on file. Tell him you have already been to the police and have no hesitation in calling them again if he returns. And do it ASAP as you'll end up making yourself ill the longer it goes on. And then get your son to stay the night to ensure if he does come back your son will be there.

Your dog might be frightened of this man but if he was faced with protecting his owner then he no doubt would.

nell53

Sugar,
They are prepared to come and assist when I pluck up enough courage to ask him to go...on a NOW basis, but he is threatening me with all sorts i.e the agreement I have..

He is not rational- the agreement you had doesn't come into it- that was BEFORE he started threatening you, so now everything has changed. There is no agreement. As I said before you will not win in this war of words with him. It will just escalate. Call the police NOW and sort out his furniture later.

BitterAndTwisted

blue_monkey wrote: »

He could by all means take you to court for kicking him out but that would take MONTHS - and you have a police report to say you wanted him out because you fear for your own safely.

He could try and take the OP to court but he wouldn't have a case: he's a lodger and therefore has absolutely no security of tenure whatsoever, despite what he might think.

OP do you have any neighbours or work-colleagues who might be able to help you if your family are not nearby?

If you can't face him, just print off some information about a lodger's rights or lack of them and leave it somewhere for him to find. This should give him some food for thought and perhaps persuade him that you do intend to evict him despite what he thinks.

RAS

sugarbabe-47 wrote: »

He has some furniture in the room, and like the Police just told me they wont stand around whilst he shifts it. They are prepared to come and assist when I pluck up enough courage to ask him to go...on a NOW basis, but he is threatening me with all sorts i.e the agreement I have...my head is battered with it all and its consuming my every waking moment...I am not sleeping properly even with my dog at my feet.

Firstly, you live in your house, which means he is a lodger, so he has NO legal right to live there at all. NONE.

Secondly, he has to leave given reasonable notice. If he was lovely, a week's notice would be more than reasonable. As he is threatening you and hitting the dog, immediate removal would be reasonable.

You are not required to get court permission to remove him and he has no legal route to claim anything from you. What exactly is he threatening?

Either you go to the police now and get him out tonight with their help, or ask them to come first thing tomorrow and remove him, as one of my neighbours did.

Jox

How did you get out of your abusive relationship and how long did the abusive relationship go on for?
Did you keep making excuses for the abusive partner?
Did you say to yourself that you would never be in that situation again?
Do you have a guard dog because of the abusive relationship?
Is history repeating itself?
Because you dealt with the abusive relationship and got out of it, does that give you any tips how to deal with this situation?
Sadly this person has taken advantage of your kind nature, is abusing you and your dog, and you do not need to stand for it.
Goodbye to the abusive man and hello to peace in your own home for you and your dog.
If this situation is dealt with quickly it will be a distant memory very soon and you will show yourself how strong you are and how you do not need to be a victim to an abusive person.
Abusive people need someone to abuse, do not be that person.
He will not change, the situation will not get better.
You can have a peaceful December and a positive new year.

princeofpounds

It's clear that you could do with some more help/protection to reassure yourself. Whilst in some ways getting him out tonight might be ideal, I think putting someone in the street at night in winter might be more likely to provoke an extreme reaction than doing it at 9am on a saturday as at least then he might keep himself busy with pursuing an alternative place to stay.

If it is a weekend then that means your relatives might be able to come stay without interfering with work, for 2 days.

But that's just a suggestion. I would urge you to remove him ASAP, but you need to have your plan in place. If you can pre-arrange with the police then that covers the moment of eviction, but clearly you could do with some ongoing protection.

You might wish to cast your net a little wider in terms of your support network as well. Do you have any friends who might help out? Any husbands of friends who wouldn't mind kipping on the couch or in the spare room for a night?

G_M

I think the message has been given, posters! OP hasn't been online so let's not rush to condemn her for not following advice. Maybe that's what she's doing right now. I hope.

Let's hold fire till she gives us an update.