Frightened of my lodger - help???

princeofpounds

Wow, I can't believe you are putting up with this.

When it has got to a point of physical aggression (even if it is the dog), then it goes far far beyond your responsibility as a friend to be the support.

The fact that you are willing to sit there and take it until january puts me in mind of those beaten women who blame themselves for not being a good enough wife. You really think come January he will be 'oh, agreement up, now I leave with no fuss!'? It's like one of those situations where someone lets boundaries be pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and then suddenly one day the police are being called for a tragic situation that never would have arisen if someone didn't take measures to protect themselves.

As has been pointed out many times, the guy is a lodger, not a tenant. You might have a contractually agreed notice period, but your only obligation under law to a lodger is to give reasonable notice. If you are being intimidated and your dog physically beaten then any judge under the sun is going to think it's entirely reasonable to get rid of the guy ASAP. Notice periods for lodgers only have any weight when they are reasonable in ALL respects.

The police want to help it seems, your family want to help. The only person who isn't helping yourself is you!

If you think you might feel guilty about kicking him out, then I suggest that you line up some information for him about where he can go to seek accommodation once he has left, and perhaps put the mental health authorities in touch with him. People get sectioned when they are a threat to themselves or others, and it sounds to me like he is firmly in that category if it is indeed a mental health issue.

FatVonD

princeofpounds wrote: »

You really think come January he will be 'oh, agreement up, now I leave with no fuss!'?

Very good point

voytovdwiof

After reading that he's physically attacking your dog, get him out now.

blue_monkey_2

OP, I really think you need to get this done now too. You say that you are worried about him breaking into your home - so get locks for the windows and doors so he cannot get in. If you are worried about him getting in the windows then you can get some plastic stuff to put over the windows that stops the glass falling out if it is broken - put it on both sides - it'll buy you time if him getting in a window is an issue. And you can block the letterbox up and get a mailbox at the side of the house instead so he cannot shove anything through it. You could also put a bucket of water on the other side of the door. There are always answers and solutions but you seem to be putting off the inevitable - which will come regardless of when you do it.

I would arrange for the police to come round and ask them how you can protect your home so he cannot get in - then get your son and nephews round to do it. Then arrange for the police to come back and tell him he is leaving that day. If he gets aggresive then the police will arrest him, he might even get sectioned which might help him anyway. Then you can pack up his belonging, stick them under a tarpaulin in the garden and he can come and get them as he wishes.

Make your house as inaccessable as possible - even if he tries then it'll buy you time to cal the police again. Having police help in the way you are you may even get a 'panic button' so please look into this as well. Please don't spend your Xmas living with this man and being miserable. New Year, new start.

Good luck and please let us know how you are doing.

paddy's_mum

Do you imagine that anyone in their right mind is going to hit, torment and abuse a GSD ... and get away with it without eventual retaliation?

For his own safety, your lodger needs to move to a place where an enraged dog who has been pushed beyond endurance can't take matters into his own 'hands'. Have you ever seen the mess a large dog makes when it tears the throat out of a living thing ...?

Frosti

DVardysShadow wrote: »

While I understand where you are coming from, the net effect of your contribution on the OP will just be to heap guilt on her in piles.

Your advice might be appropriate and helpful in respect of a friend who is living in their own place. Unfortunately, this is a lodger in the OP's home. She has done more than enough, there is nothing left that she can do to help while this man is in her home. She is living in fear, which means that the situation is the wrong side of a line where she should be helping. She must look after her own wellbeing first.

My earlier comments were based on the OP having said that she would keep the lodger in her home until January. From what she has written, I think it probable that this bi-polar man will reach crisis point before then.

In her position, I would have been on the 'phone to the local mental health team or his doctor's surgery before now - emphasising A) that this man has stopped taking his meds and his behaviour has become unacceptable, and that because of A he is about to become homeless. Perhaps there is a hostel for vulnerable adults with mental health problems in the area - the mental health worker would be able to sort that out, or, as others have said, this man may need to be sectioned for a while. If that happens, ask the mental health worker to arrange storage of his possessions while he is in hospital.
Then this man will have no reason to return to OP's house, and she will not have to turn her home into a fortress.

poppysarah

Frosti wrote: »

In her position, I would have been on the 'phone to the local mental health team or his doctor's surgery before now - emphasising A) that this man has stopped taking his meds and his behaviour has become unacceptable, a

Having tried in the past to get a bipolar man help I have found that "patient confidenitality" reigns supreme and it was impossible to get the man the help he needed. Doesn't mean it doesn't have to be that way though...

This one burnt his flat down in the end affecting the lives of those around him who woke in the middle of the night to their flats filling with deadly smoke.

DVardysShadow

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I think for his own sake he should very probably be sectioned and the Police might be able to have that happen

This might be the worst outcome. The police do not seem to be the best to deal with people with mental issues and may well escalate matters in order to provoke a response which they can use as a pretext for increasing their statistics.

Norfolk_Jim

Why are you not taking the advice you have been given? You've posted here looking for help, many people have given you good advice and encouragement but you seem reluctant to take the advice? Sorry to sound so harsh about it but how can people help you if you wont be helped?

BitterAndTwisted

DVardysShadow wrote: »

This might be the worst outcome. The police do not seem to be the best to deal with people with mental issues and may well escalate matters in order to provoke a response which they can use as a pretext for increasing their statistics.

It might be the worst outcome for the lodger but not for the terrified OP and her cowering dog.

I hope to God that she's getting practical and moral support from her friends and family and has been on the phone again to the police.