Frightened of my lodger - help???

BitterAndTwisted

So, the next question is: when are you going to break the news that your lodger/ex-friend is no longer welcome to live in your home and that you would like him to leave?

Gwhiz

sugarbabe-47 wrote: »

Hi Gwhiz

Thank you - I have never really personally had any negativity about the Police, but I do sometimes wonder about my own naivity. May be an age thing

What I meant was that you hear so may people moan about the police doing nothing these days. It's good to know that when they were really needed by you they have turned up trumps.

As the saying goes, "don't ask, don't get".

I'm just glad that you feel more safe now and don't have too long to wait until this person is out of your life.

Frosti

Sugar, your last post suggests you are going to allow your lodger to stay in your home until January?
That is quite a long time - by the sound of it your friend is already showing alarming symptoms from having stopped his medication, and just because you have informed the Police, that will not help him to improve his behaviour.
I have some experience with bi-polar; it can be very frightening, but making sure your friend is seen by his doctor or mental health worker is much more likely to help you both than threatening him with the Police.

To be honest I am appalled by some of the comments here that just say "get rid!" - this is a fellow human being in distress we are talking about, someone who has been OP's friend for ten years!

Unfortunately it is quite common for bi-polar patients to decide that they no longer need their medication after a period of stability - and then a downward spiral is inevitable, often ending in suicide or such reckless behaviour that death results (one bi-polar man I knew, stopped taking his meds after his mother died. He spent his inheritance, lost his business, became homeless, and one night decided to cross a busy dual carriageway. He told his companion that the cars would stop for him because he was a pedestrian - and presumably at that moment he believed it. Guess what? Yup; RIP).

Of course his doctor will not discuss the patient with you, but he can listen.. So if you care about your friend at all, Sugar, go and tell his doctor that he's stopped taking his medication and how he is behaving. The doctor will take it from there, with Police assistance to escort him to the local mental health unit if necessary.

Please remember, it is your friend's bi-polar disorder that is making him behave strangely at the moment. Once his medication has been re-established and his condition stabilised, the person you have known for a decade will return.

If you then decide that you still want him to leave, your friend will be in a much better position to accept this without flying off the handle, and hopefully will be able to find himself alternative accommodation. At the moment, that would probably be beyond him and he'd end up on the streets, like so many others with mental health problems.

paddy's_mum

Has your lodger got any family of his own who you might be able to approach for some extra help or knowledge of how to deal with him?

DVardysShadow

Frosti wrote: »

To be honest I am appalled by some of the comments here that just say "get rid!" - this is a fellow human being in distress we are talking about, someone who has been OP's friend for ten years!

While I understand where you are coming from, the net effect of your contribution on the OP will just be to heap guilt on her in piles.

Your advice might be appropriate and helpful in respect of a friend who is living in their own place. Unfortunately, this is a lodger in the OP's home. She has done more than enough, there is nothing left that she can do to help while this man is in her home. She is living in fear, which means that the situation is the wrong side of a line where she should be helping. She must look after her own wellbeing first.

sugarbabe-47

Hi DVardy

While I understand where you are coming from, the net effect of your contribution on the OP will just be to heap guilt on her in piles.

Thank you for that - I already am racked with guilt over this one, as I have helped and assisted him as much as I can over the last few years as a friend would and I was unaware of his mental health!
I will be organising with the Police to come and sit with me to explain to him that I am not renewing his agreement and trying to take my emotion from the situation is extremely difficult. I wouldn't like to see anyone stuck but his behaviour is becoming more volatile and I am really scared of him. I came home from work early one day a few weeks ago and he was physically hitting my dog.(he didnt expect me to be home) I cannot allow this to carry on, his excuse was my dog was barking and annoying him and when I questioned this behaviour he basically said 'so f*** what' and squared up to me being very verbal abusive towards me. My dog is a registered guard dog, german shepherd and now she cowers when he is around, so I can only assume he has abused her in my absence. My dog was my only protection, and we are both scared.
I do not fully understand his mental health issues but in reality is not my problem, sounds harsh now I have put it in writing, but it is very difficult as I am a caring human being too. It is sad that the friendship is over due to his behaviour but even if he sorted himself out medically I really do not want a friendship with someone that treats me and my dog this way. I have had an abusive marriage and he knew all this and I feel he is taking advantage of me and my kindness.
I know that when I finally inform him (again -with Police presence) that I want him out it will be difficult, but also I am worried about any repercussions, as my dog is scared of him - what happens if he tries to get into my home? My dog wont be able to stop him. I am going to change all my locks, but will this stop someone who has mental health issues?? I can't answer that. Only time will tell. One step at a time.
Thank you again for all the replies and I can understand some of you saying get rid etc, but without knowing all the facts people do offer their opinions and I am grateful for ALL replies.
Sugar x

poppysarah

sugarbabe-47 wrote: »

Hi DVardy

Thank you for that - I already am racked with guilt over this one, as I have helped and assisted him as much as I can over the last few years as a friend would and I was unaware of his mental health!
I will be organising with the Police to come and sit with me to explain to him that I am not renewing his agreement and trying to take my emotion from the situation is extremely difficult.

The fact you haven't got your rellys in and got rid of him already makes me sad.

Stop wasting time get rid of him.

Sambucus_Nigra

Jeez - even your trained guard dog is scared...wow.

This 'agreement' means nothing in law - do it sooner rather than later; change the locks, put his stuff out on the lawn and get rid!

themull1

He hit your dog and he's still in your house?

pimento

themull1 wrote: »

He hit your dog and he's still in your house?

Friend or no friend, he'd be outside with his stuff in binliners by now if he did this to me.

You're too nice.